I spent years in a state of self hatred, stuckness, feeling ill, vulnerable and in despair. I was depressed, anxious and felt hopeless and trapped. In the course of changing myself and getting to where I love my life, am consistently healthier and emotionally empowered, I learned a thing or two.
Here’s six ways you can begin to get free and challenge the status quo. If you are stuck right now, I trust they will resonate with you in some way and offer you some insight into what you have been choosing and how you can go forwards differently.
1. Do something Different
“You can’t fix your problems with the same thinking that created them” – Albert Einstein
If everything you’ve done/chosen/been in your life has got you to this point and you’re not happy where you are at, if things aren’t working for you and it’s been that way (honestly) for ages, it’s time to be different.
“Continuing to do the same thing whilst expecting a different result equals insanity” – Albert Einstein.
Although we can often recognize when you are at a place where maybe you can’t go on, knowing what to do when maybe you are paralysed with disempowerment, fear and the weight of stuckness is another matter altogether. There is importantly though, a huge freedom in reaching this point and saying “Enough”!!!
It doesn’t necessarily matter what you do differently to begin with, what’s more important is that you make a change. Any direction gets you out of the stuckness and any change will yield some sort of feedback/momentum that allows you to re-evaluate and gain some kind of traction.
I know when you’re at this place, everything feels super significant and almost paralysingly difficult. Just go forwards somehow, you can course correct later on.
2. Listen to the quiet voice within
Sometimes we are super stubborn and/or super lost. It’s like nothing’s working and that seems sudden because we are in it. The fact is, things haven’t been working for ages, it’s just that you’ve had resistance to changing and life is re-directing you, hence why you can’t go on in the same way any longer.
If all else fails, if you are alone, feeling rejected, maybe sick or broke too and things seem hopeless, it might be time to ask your higher self or your soul a few questions. I did that before I left an old destructive relationship. I asked my soul “Should I stay or go”? (I wanted to stay more than anything as I loved where I was, just not the situation).
My soul immediately answered “If you stay, you’ll die”. That single moment, gave me such clarity and awareness, I knew what I had to do. I’d tried analyzing my way out of what was broken, I tried blaming (myself and him), I tried fixing, avoiding, I had asked for help. I also took an opinion poll from all my friends and family. None of it worked, because I wasn’t supposed to stay.
Some of us don’t have healthy families, some of us don’t have support systems. We live in a sick culture. We are frequently disconnected. When nothing is panning out, it’s time to go within for our own answers. They are there, waiting for you to ask the questions.
The ultimate authority in your life, should be you (not the egoic, tired, day to day, human version of you – which we all have), the infinite, light, free and wise version of you, that knows what’s in your best interests.
Sound crazy to do this? I can guarantee, it’s not half as crazy as carrying on stuck and miserable. Sometimes what we resist most is what will set us free.
3. Get ruthlessly honest – with you and make a decision to change, no matter what!
Have you got a habit of driving wonderful people to the brink of insanity – and out of your life? Are you always needy beyond what any one person can reasonably provide you? Are you difficult? Is your life a constant ode to disaster and chaos, (or are some aspects of your life constantly troublesome)? The common factor is YOU my friend.
Do you judge others constantly (and yourself also)? Are you perfectionistic and correspondingly miserable? Do you feel like a fraud if you’re successful and quickly bring yourself back down to mediocrity?
Are your intimate relationships co-dependent and destructive? Do your friends change constantly? Do you have trouble keeping some mental issues from intervening in your work? Are you depressed and anxious and what seems to ‘fix it’ for others doesn’t work for you?
Is NOW the time to own it? So you can have an easier, happier, more peaceful existence?
Have your best efforts so far failed to keep you from mastering what isn’t working for you? Are you constantly perplexed as to why life seems tough and other people (lots of them) respond to you why they do?
“Emotional self honesty gives us the key to self mastery and lays the groundwork for empowerment and personal freedom” Rose Aitken
Once you own it, you can change it. As much as we may think it’s everyone else’s fault or that we are the victim in our own existence, that is never true. You are in charge now and how that plays out is up to you.
4. Ask for help and guidance, reach out and be willing to receive whatever shows up
Reach out to someone you can trust. Pick someone who will listen and receive you without judgment. Say where you are at and what’s going on. Ask for them to hold space for you. Find out how they keep it together or what they do to have a life that works for them.
Trust you will be guided to someone wise and ask for help to find that person. Remain very open. Good things never show up the way we think they are going to, and we limit our receiving very much, by thinking that they do…
Explore new modalities, methods, ideas and possibilities. If what you’ve been doing isn’t working, it’s time for something else. Life is about progression and change and when we are troubled it’s very easy to become stagnant as a defense mechanism. It is never a good one and just puts us at more of a disadvantage.
5. Realize you control your thinking. Stop being neurotic, defending yourself to others and being negative
Sometimes if we want to get well, beat that eating disorder or stop our self defeating behaviors, we need to stop being so reactive to things. If we want to start becoming emotionally strong and stable, we have to stop being neurotic, needy and negative.
What do I mean by this? Stop thinking everything someone says to you is a put down, because you put yourself down and you compare yourself to them and find yourself lacking. That isn’t the other person’s fault and they probably have no idea how you feel.
Stop making yourself a victim to everything and everyone. Although life happens for you and not to you, life is also remarkably neutral. If you choose to think negatively, life will happily match you with people who do the same thing, confirming your past poor experiences and self beliefs.
If you consistently hold in place negative thoughts, you won’t be a match for happy people. You will drive anyone awesome out of your life and wonder why what shows up is negative people, places and things. I frequently see good people confused about their struggles, whilst their inner self talk and habits are devastatingly destructive.
If you project your ill feelings of yourself onto others, stop it. What you are doing is a form of narcissism. It takes humility to go “You know what, I’m sick of being messed up and making everything about me, I’m sure life has my back and I can put my head down and bravely get on with being the best me possible”.
Guess what happens when we do that? Life will meet us there and rewards us amply for our courage, perseverance and honesty. And yes, this is scary and raw and we have to face up to our old stories and where we have limited ourselves. It’s not half as scary as being permanently stuck, depressed and paralysed by own crap.
6. Get a coach
Most people still have no idea how a life coach can help them, or assist them to change their lives for the better. Having someone in your corner that has your back in every respect, who sees your true genius and can call you on your stuff is gold. We could all use a coach to help us with our mindset, to accomplish greater, feel better and to get more out of life, no matter where we are at.
Coaching is not negatively focused like therapy, although an effective coach can counsel you and help you dynamically change anything, whilst empowering you and showing you what you need to know to thrive.
This includes steering you through your deepest emotional challenges with skill and expertise, whilst holding a supportive space for you to make changes and leading you through them with kindness and compassion.
A good coach knows when to push and when to allow and knows exactly where you are at and what’s required to get to where you want to go. They will have been there themselves, worked their way through it and can inspire you with their own example.
Phenomenal coaches sense where you have skill gaps and can importantly, teach you the empowering tools you need to know, to become the person you know you can be.
If you want to discuss your future today, book here