Twice this year I’ve faced major life changing events, that would affect my future. These involved awaiting a decision that an external party would make, over which I didn’t have a say. To begin with, I started to be fearful about a negative outcome, until I took charge of myself.
I not only changed my thinking and my state, I took radical inspired action to get things actioned quickly and accurately. I surrendered my attachment to outcome by processing my inner beliefs around powerlessness and replacing them with thoughts of myself getting everything I desired. That’s exactly what happened and I learned a lot!
We are trained to think surrender is a sign of failure, of giving up, of weakness. It has obvious military analogies where entire armies lost everything. Or, we associate surrender with fanatical religious people who appear to opt out of life, thinking God has the answer to everything.
These people typically do nothing to inspire confidence from others, because they don’t seem to think for themselves or self-inquire and their version of God appears to be a crutch for enduring life. So, this provides another negative connotation to the notion of surrender.
Far from being a weakness, strategic and deliberate emotional surrender is a sign of enormous strength, faith and trust in one’s self and in life. It is a very powerful place from which to operate and often times influences outcomes positively as a side effect.
Now don’t get me wrong, surrender isn’t like “I don’t give a f**k”, followed by dissociating or blocking out what we feel we can’t handle. That is a form of weakness and differs from the concepts, I will attempt to describe below:
Deliberate surrender is typically the hallmark of someone who’s done a lot of inner work, they trust themselves and are walking a path that is aligned with their soul purpose.
They have been through enough disappointment to know how, what seemed unbearable at the time, ultimately benefited them. In the process, they changed their perspective to value learning and becoming, because eventually it leads to achievements that the small and attached version of them, could never even imagine.
How does surrender benefit us?
It allows us to stop running compelling negative and fearful outcomes through our head where we graphically imagine things not going our way. When we go there mentally, we are simultaneously resisting what we do want and bringing that about what we don’t.
Doing the inner work necessary to surrender fully, allows us to perceive where we have got intensity, high hopes, expectations or attachment to something or some outcome and to lovingly detach from that, in a way that allows us peace and serenity.
We can then fill that space with creation and the actions necessary to bring that thing about or focus on completely different things, whilst the fruits of our good state and positive actions brings what we most want to fruition.
We all know the difference between musing for a moment in a relaxed fashion about how awesome something would be and thinking enviously of someone who has what we want and feeling a deep sense of wanting or even jealously, which is akin to lack.
We experience lack when we don’t feel empowered to bring about what we would most like. This is also where control comes into the picture. People do control when they feel they don’t have any. This is a waste of energy and is self defeating.
What does surrender look like?
It looks like consciously MAKING A DECISION to ALLOW life to support us on this thing and letting go of fear, niggling repetitive thoughts and stepping into confidence, ease and trust. It’s like KNOWING that that good outcome is part of your highest path and getting out of your own way, so it can come to fruition.
Components of surrender I’ve noticed for me are:
- If I don’t get the outcome I would like. I will be okay with that and will do the work of dealing with that set of events with an open heart, knowing that is the journey I need to be on.
- I am willing to do whatever it takes in terms of good attitude and actions to create and generate my goals. I am thorough, leave no stone un-turned and have learned to pull a ton of positive energy in that direction.
- It looks like visualizing all components of a situation panning out in my favor. It’s knowing that the Universe can literally move mountains and molecules to bring about outcomes that favor me, when I am surrendered, grateful and doing the ‘right’ things.
- It is having an absolute knowing that I am on the right path, have dealt with my demons or are dealing with them and that things happen to either help me develop and improve or to get you ten steps further along on my path. All of life supports me in bringing about what’s next, or challenging me to go about it in another, different or even better way, or with more information.
- I am extremely grateful for being in this situation and having that positive outcome available to me. I am gracious at being in this situation instead of entitled and fearful.
- It looks like valuing my peace of mind and knowing whatever is in my highest good is the only thing that can arise for me when I let it.
Some work you can do to get to a place of using positive surrender:
- Understand life happens for you and not to you.
- Know you are a powerful co-creator with all of life, that what you do energetically and emotionally has a big impact on every outcome you derive from any situation.
- If you get the outcome you require, you manifested it, well done! If you don’t, you get to learn and that’s a huge win!!
- Life is neutral and therefore, if we understand the link between energy and emotion and how to influence both we are powerful!
- I’ve found and when something I thought I wanted doesn’t eventuate, it is a HUGE opportunity!
- It is an opportunity to do better, develop more understanding and gain knowledge relative to a certain scenario, which will reward us amply further down the track. This mindset often comes with the maturity of having lost a few times and deciding to use your loses positively to investigate, analyze and grow from.
- That is how I started down that path. I decided (probably angrily back then lol) that if that’s all I was getting, I might as well do the inner work to get the lesson. As time goes by, I am less and less about outcome and more about the learning.
- Eventually your lessons accumulate to such a degree, you believe in yourself and you know a lot more about life. You start to realize the losses you endured that got you to this point, were valuable beyond your knowing.
- In life, we always get the learning after the fact and therefore, that’s (for me) why I had to go through a process of processing, suspending my disbelief and experimenting to get to where I am now.
- These days when there is something big at stake, rather than be fear based, I trust my dreams and desires serve me and I’ll be successful, get redirected and learn. All outcomes are a win, even if I end up dealing with uncomfortable emotion such as temporary disappointment, which I know I can.
- I look forward to what I am creating next, so as rather than sit around waiting, I have already generated much, before any outcome comes to fruition.
When there is an attachment to something so much so, that not getting it is devastating, you can do the following:
- Take more action – try harder, ask for a review, think of another angle, what stone is left un-turned, who can help you, what other options are available? If it still didn’t work out, then it wasn’t supposed to & you have learnt about persistence.
- Discover what was driving that attachment within yourself which has led to so much unhappiness and release and heal it. Let go of the emotions of disappointment, grieve if you need to and place that energy in creating something else.
- You learn that you will survive and you are capable and resilient. Success is about who you are. I never used to believe this, but as I’ve allowed the wins and losses to accumulate and have processed it all, I see my losses shaped the character that creates my wins.
- As time goes by, look retrospectively for what was good about that thing not working out and what you learned. How is that helping you now? If you were willing to consider that you could learn from such an outcome, what would that learning be?
Life goes on and when we do the work to be ready, able and willing to surrender, we are truly powerful