When we can’t have something we really desire, it’s often because we have some adaptation (and rule) in place that works against us having it.
When we come across someone who doesn’t have that rule in place for themselves and who is willing to do, be and have what we are not, we judge that person.
Therefore your judgments of others (if you are willing to look beneath them – 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘣𝘴) are a potent source of where YOU are limiting you.
Here’s an example: Let’s say in a particular situation I’d like some help from someone, but I’m not willing to ask for that help because it feels too scary. Along comes another person who blatently asks for that thing and (therefore immediately gets the help they require making their own life easier). In that particular example, their behavior will definitely push my buttons. (I might decide that person is pushy, cheeky, annoying or outrageously selfish). That thing could be something simple like requesting a ride somewhere, asking someone to help with a task when I am under pressure, or running an errand for me.
To someone (like myself) who may have an insecure attachment style from childhood, this reigning in of who I am and refusal to ask for help/support/my needs to be met, would have once been a self preservation strategy I learnt to stay safe when I was young, but it doesn’t serve me any more.
So, if I am willing to look at where I judge this other person who is willing to be fully themselves in all situations and who stays true to their own wants and needs and asks for support in meeting them, then I can discover where I am holding myself back. I can start to explore ways of getting past that adaptation and letting go of any painful events associated with that mechanism that are preventing me from doing so.
Similarly, others judgments of you are NOTHING to do with YOU.
They are all about themselves and where they are limiting them.
Exploring instances where you’ve let others judgments upset and perhaps limit you, so that you can see how the psychology of judgment truly operates, is perhaps one of the biggest steps you can take towards unfucking yourself, developing healthy boundaries and of freeing yourself from the burden of others attitudes towards you (and therefore your attitudes towards you).
Similarly, exploring your juicy, resentful, (resistance filled) judgmental sentiments towards others can yield the biggest gains in terms of the boxes you have placed yourself in to survive.
The great thing about this is that our adaptations formed in childhood are usually what is holding us back and are causing us stress, confusion, pain, ambiguity in adulthood. Unravelling our judgments towards others is a direct path towards understanding where we are boxed in and stuck.
Need a hand with identifying your adaptations and dealing with them? I can help. Contact me today...