1. Expecting someone else to love you as a substitute for doing our own inner work
We grow up in a culture where we expect to be swept off our feet by a prince/princess on a white horse and we just expect them to love us. It would be much better if we grew up in a culture where we consider what type of partner we are capable of being instead.
This type of radical self responsibility would consider things like whether we can respect and honor ourselves and others, whether we can be vulnerable, kind and in allowance of our own and other’s not so flash points.
2. Hanging on to past hurts or past regrets
When we do this, we go around with our barriers up. This is a self-protection mechanism to avoid similar hurts and stays in the physiology, keeping us limited until we are willing to address it.
Clear the old hurt and you then feel safe to put your barriers down, which means you are open to receiving love, abundance and connection with others.
This will make your life a lot richer and you will feel more secure, relaxed and happier too.
3. Not trusting yourself due to past poor choices or bad experiences
When you do the work to understand why you made those choices then you are part way to not repeating them. Not trusting ourselves is a sign we are not ready.
What was that naiivity, or the signs that you missed? What was blinding about that person that you didn’t see at the time? Now, you start to empower yourself to be different.
This is a process and it takes effort. This could require counselling or therapy to help you to see the underlying tendencies and patterns that you have and what is beneath those. For example if your parents were alcoholic, you may look for an alcoholic partner, if you were unsupported growing up, you won’t know how to behave to attract a supportive circle.
Knowledge is power and you can develop trust with yourself. You will trust you a lot more if you’re not running around blind to who others are and to your own tendencies within relationship.
4. Not seeing the Wood for the Trees
You meet someone within your circle who is physically appealing to you. You then project onto them all the attributes you want in a partner, (regardless of who they are and where they are functioning from).
Not only that you, are hard wired to enjoy the thrill of the chase or being chased, the games of ‘romance’ and to go after the alpha male or female. Whilst thoroughly rejecting anyone who you deem ‘not good enough’ for you.
Meanwhile all the people who don’t match your physical ‘list of desired attributes’ but have the characteristics you value, are going ignored, often to your detriment. These people would be kind, caring and a huge contribution to your life, if you would just be willing to see what you are missing.
The problem is not that there are no good men/women out there, the problem is you.
5. You are unaware and you have a victim mindset
Perhaps you have had a couple of relationships that were painful or didn’t end well, or maybe you’ve experienced abuse or unkindness in the past and that makes you defensive.
A victim says: “Poor me, this happened to me, it was so awful, please feel sorry for me’. Someone who is successful says: “I chose that, it didn’t work for me, I’ve learned such a lot from it, I’ve done what it took to heal and I’m showing up differently next time”.
You get to choose your entire future. Life was made to be fabulous, for thriving, enjoying, playing, creating and having fun.
If you learned a victim mindset, do what it takes to change it! Surround yourself with positive inspiration, examine your own motives, habits and patterns of thinking. Seek out someone who can help you change them. Be bold! You have absolutely nothing to lose!!
6. You have low self regard
It takes courage to change this stuff and to undo what is in us, that is leading to not feel comfortable in our own skin. It is essential though, if you are to ever experience authentic, healthy and loving relationships.