When we are creating change in our lives, our resistance, fears, beliefs and old programming will come up along the way.
This is often a part of progress. Once we commit to something greater for ourselves, nature dictates that what wasn’t working for us come up to be cleared, so we can start to thrive in the ways we really desire.
“Pressure Makes Diamonds”
It takes some courage to persist at this point – the bit just prior to a break though can often feel like a breakdown and in actual fact it is – but just not in the way we think. That’s why the assistance of a coach/mentor/counsellor/facilitator or therapist can be handy during this process.
The cool thing about it is, once we persist through this stuff the first few times, we start to understand how lack beliefs work, how we can change them and that they do really go away when we put the work in and we can get past them and have the future we deserve.
What should we do when we are working towards what we want and we go into a state of fear/resistance/discomfort and want to retract at a million miles per hour?
Here are some of my favourite tools – The first two are from Bentinho Massaro, the last is from Abraham Hicks.
1. CREATE SOME IMMEDIATE EASE/SPACE
Go somewhere quiet where you can be mindful for a bit.
Address the yuck feelings, acknowledge them, let them come up and overwhelm you.
Thank them for doing a great job of keeping you so safe and small for so long. Then tell them, you got this, they can go now. Usually 9 times out of 10 they will diminish almost instantaneously.
Usually once this happens, we are not only free to feel better, we can decide to proceed forwards again.
Sometimes bringing up old, heavy stuff for release will be tiring and feel quite stressful and we may need to do a lot of self-care. Our body carries our old programming and changing that programming can mean we may need to take very good care of our bodies while transitioning in that way.
2. LOOK FOR THE LACK BELIEF THAT IS COMING UP TO BE CLEARED
Yuckky feelings are always covering up unhelpful beliefs.
When you get too far out of your comfort zone do you feel like you will fail, lose control, mess up? Or that you will implode, be exposed, become excluded, be too powerful for others,lose what matters the most, make a fool of yourself or is it something else?
Start to know how this works for you.
3. EXPLORE AND THEN CHANGE THE LACK BELIEF
There are an infinite number of ways we can accomplish this.
Ask questions for more understanding: Is this really true? Who does this belief belong to? Is it mine? Am I ready to let this go? What would I rather think instead?
Then you can write the belief out on a piece of paper. On the other side of the piece of paper write a new belief you would like to replace it with and then burn it. Transcribe the new belief elsewhere so you have a record of it and use it for an affirmation. Burn the original piece of paper.
You may like to journal around it to explore it a bit more fully and then make a decision to let it go, keeping a record of your progress.
4. TRY AN ABE HICKS FOCUS WHEEL
Write out the old belief, followed by a sequence of gentler, softer beliefs, moving from the general to the specific, which don’t feel too unrealistic or scary.
For example: After a setback such as another job interview where you weren’t hired.
The feeling might be: “I’m just useless, no one wants me and this is all too hard. I’m such a failure, how can other people get jobs easily and I can’t”?
The lack belief might be: Whenever I receive a rejection it feels personal and I feel inferior to others and not as good as the other interviewees. This reminds me of all the times I’ve felt inadequate in my life and makes me uncomfortable and sad.
If you were to write out “I’m a thriving millionaire, with an epic career and everyone loves me”, this isn’t going to work, so we need to start general and go specific.
In the above example you might start with:
- This isn’t so bad, I probably wasn’t a fit for that organisation anyway.
- I’ll know the right place when I find it, and they’ll know me as well.
- The Universe wouldn’t give me a job that is less than what I’m wanting and I know there is the perfect opportunity coming my way really soon.
- I’m really perfecting my interview skills the longer I effort towards getting a new job and I’m getting much better at scoping out new opportunities.
- I’m really becoming competent at interviews, asking questions and sussing employers out at the same time as they are getting to know me.
- This experience is really helping me know what I do and don’t want for my future employment.
- I not only interview well, I would be an incredible asset to any future employer. I’m becoming better and better at communicating this.
- I actually had fun at my last interview and I know that my next opportunity is just around the corner.
- I’m enjoying getting feedback after each interview and perfecting my application skills and techniques.
- I’m looking forward to handling all future opportunities with ease and using these practice opportunities to sell myself and become very confident and proactive about my career.
- I know that part of being nervous is excitement, and I’m super excited about my future.
The focus Wheel provides a gentle stream of upward focusing thoughts, that allow you to shift out of the negative and into the positive in a way that is believable and manageable to your subconscious.
Science has proven that when we try and counteract a specific negative by placing a specific positive belief over the top without clearing the negative belief, we will not believe the new belief and we will reject it. That’s why clearing out old beliefs is so important before moving onto the new.
I often find with new clients, they are unsure of what is happening when their old stuff starts coming up and it can feel quite overwhelming at first. Once we move past that, they are free to thrive and can look back and see how far they have come.