I’m often asked:
“Rose, I’ve had challenging or miserable relationships in the past, it has been a while and I’m ready to start putting myself out there again”. “How do I prepare”?
These are my go to steps for getting back out there in a healthy way and having ease with manifesting Mr or Mrs Right:
1. Reality Check
Are you a good choice for the type of person you want to meet? Have you worked on yourself since your last relationship? Or are you confusing Relationship for the Westpac Rescue Helicopter?
If you have decided that this significant other is going to rescue you from your life, your rubbish finances, your sense of loneliness, lack of meaningful company or friendships, or give you a purpose because your career sucks (or anything else) you are about to saddle an innocent soul with a job that isn’t theirs, it’s yours.
If you want to be loved, have more fun, more company or feel happier and you are looking for a relationship to ‘provide’ you with this. You need to stop and ask how you can love yourself more, be more fun, provide yourself with better company, contribute more to others or find an occupation, purpose or job that suits you better.
Until we are willing to meet our own emotional needs fully, we are going to attract a partner who is similarly needy and any relationship is going to reinforce and provide you with another opportunity to learn these lessons.
This can be a great time to embark on some personal development, find a great coach, therapist or facilitator. Not only will you enjoy being you way more, you are going to generate greater in every aspect of your life and have productive and positive relationship experiences as a result of doing your own work first.
2. Ready, steady…Go
So you are ready. Yay!! It’s list time.
Take some time, relax and list down all the qualities you would like your ideal partner to possess. This should encompass the big stuff, not trivialities like hair and eye colour (unless that’s a deal breaker in your Universe).
Be sure to list attributes, attitudes and the temperament you desire them to have. If you feel drawn to do so, maybe state your list of qualities first and physical preferences in a secondary list.
Be really specific. Once you start using manifesting techniques to attract what you want, you will find that what shows up, matches exactly the things you ask for (or not) depending on your degree of clarity.
I once had a student tell me she asked for an angel and ended up dating a Hell’s Angel lol. Life has an epic sense of humour, so use this process to be specific and get really clear for you. For example, “I’d like someone who is fun loving, successful, who blends in and is as kind as an angel”.
3. Reality Check (The last one, I promise)
What are the things on the list YOU need to provide YOURSELF with?
If you want them to be fun, where do you need to be more fun? If you want them to be caring and loving, where do you need to more loving and caring towards yourself?
Embodying any of the characteristics from your list that you feel you are lacking (in your way), means that you are not coming from a place of neediness with requiring them in a partner.
You will be an energetic match for someone with those qualities who also values them.
4. Ask for what you Want
Start asking life to support you daily in becoming the ideal partner for the person you have described.
Place the list somewhere prominent, so it starts to visually go into your subconscious.
We will start to seek these things out instead of being unconsciously drawn to someone who matches our old programming and life experiences.
5. Become the Best Version of You – Get Happy
Do your inner work, let go of past experiences and focus on becoming someone with as high a vibration as possible. The greater your happiness levels, the more we are a match for positive experiences and other happy people.
6. Letting Go
Dating will likely push our buttons and will bring up old thoughts and patterns that feel uncomfortable. Rather than freaking out and seeing this as a negative, acknowledge it as something you are doing right, as old patterns have to come up first to be released. You can be very proud of yourself for doing so.
Let go of any old war stories from past relationships. Often the stories we tell keep us locked into old energy and ways of thinking about life. It can be helpful to consult an expert who can help us stay on track and release what no longer serves us, while building our confidence and other skills.
Used constructively, former relationships can become a source of growth, empowerment, understanding, compassion and refining what we do and don’t want. This can lead us to make better choices, aligned with where we want to be.
7. Become of Value to Others
There is NOTHING that puts others off faster and is more exhausting then someone evaluating every single person they meet of the opposite gender as a potential mate. (It will also effectively stop the Universe yielding to you what you want).
Get to know people and see their inherent value as a soul in a body, having a human experience. Ask what you can contribute to everyone you meet and life will start to delight and reward you amply.
Instead of trying to control how others see you, be too busy enjoying yourself to care. This is the most attractive quality there is.
8. Develop your Intuition – Trust Yourself
This is a tricky one for many, particularly when past relationships haven’t worked out so well.
Start to develop your intuition by asking questions of yourself and observing your date’s behaviour and your behaviour in relation to theirs. Instead of worrying if that person you met likes you, wonder if you like them.
Where do you give your power away? Where do you not trust yourself? Where do you feel vulnerable or unsure of yourself? What are you willing or unwilling to compromise on? Where must you be in allowance of someone else and what is a deal breaker for you? Where are your strengths and where are your expectations rigid or unreasonable?
9. It never shows up the way you think it will
Staying open to what we’ve asked for showing up not necessarily IN THE WAY we think it’s going to is important.
When we start to align with what we want from a heartfelt place instead of analysing, projecting or living up to others expectations of who we should be or what we want, we are often surprised how things come our way. Being really open here is so important.
The whole purpose of relationship is not necessarily about having one person for all eternity, but about who you become in the process of clarifying your desires, contributing to others, dating, creating with your new partner and having lots of fun. If you are doing this from a space of freedom, allowance and growth, who you will become will surpass all your expectations.