One of the common things people tell me they struggle with, is their thoughts…
Negative, shitty, circular, ‘unkind to self’ thoughts, or even just vague, continual thoughts that correspond to a low mood in general and don’t feel good. I think many people feel like their thoughts control them, are more powerful than they are and that they are helpless to do anything about them..
This isn’t ever and never will be true. You are an infinite being and whether it feels accurate for you or not, you create every single thought form you have. Your thoughts come from your stream of consciousness, which you are generating.
So how do you get to the bottom of what’s going on in that grey matter of yours in order to get some relief?
𝟏. 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐎𝐔𝐓, 𝐓𝐔𝐍𝐄 𝐈𝐍
It may seem counter-intuitive to tune in and not avoid, but, your thoughts generate your feelings, so shitty feelings are a clue to shitty thoughts…What are your thoughts telling you? Are you so accustomed to blocking things out, that it’s hard to tell what the thought immediately preceeding the feeling was?
I highly recommend when your state changes in a negative/uncomfortable way that you work backwards and aim to pinpoint those slippery suckers. Only you can do this, no one else can do it for you. If the content of your thoughts disturbs you, so much so, that connecting with them is very uncomfortable, remember the first step to getting free, is to be brave enough to be with your thoughts, so you have a sense of what’s really driving them.
Therefore I want you to concentrate on identifying and writing them down. Record as much of your typical through loop as you can and the associated feelings and bring them to your next therapy/counselling/coaching/facilitation sesssion, so that someone can take a look at what’s going on with you and help get to what’s beneath.
I know it’s hard being present with your own thoughts (particularly if you’ve had trauma), but finding the courage to sit with them will generate so much insight for you that is valuable.
𝟐. 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓, 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐒
There’s this weird thing that healers, counsellors and therapists will tell you and that’s when you can sit alone with yourself and your thoughts and feelings, they will diminish. By letting your thoughts/feelings have free reign to pop up and fully express (instead of surpressing them), they feel witnessed and they will disappear, leaving you peaceful and pleasantly surprised, better informed and proud of your own courage…So get alone and undisturbed, light that candle, breathe and go for gold!
𝟑. 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐘 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄, 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒, 𝐁𝐄𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐑 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅)
It’s not new, millions of people have had negative and miserable thought loops and associated feelings and intervened in that process to go on to live amazing lives. You are not the one exception to this. You have to trust that this is possible for you and believe that with the right guidance and support, you too can do this!
𝟒. 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘
If your thoughts are having a shit fest (and of course your feelings) take a minute to consider what you’ve been ingesting lately. Your biology and physiolgy is totally related to the condition of your molecules and cells. In other words GARBAGE IN: GARBAGE OUT.
This is never truer than when it comes to us. We are after all a walking, talking organism that relies on certain chemicals, elements, phyto nutrients and minerals to thrive. If we abuse our body with chemicals, toxins, unhealthy diet and a lack of movement and being in nature, how can it feel anything other than cruddy?
𝟓. 𝐈𝐓’𝐒 𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐄𝐒
I discovered for myself that having near perfect nutrition, exercise and rest (if this is your thing) doesn’t fix trauma. If you are a full vessel carrying decades of emotional crap, trauma, drama, points of view, judgments, decisions and old software that no longer serves you, your best efforts to change things are going to seem futile.In this instance, having professional sessions with someone experienced and qualified to help you, will allow you to defrag your internal hard drive and empty out what is working against your good habits. It’s also hard to put good thought forms over the top of this stuff, so again, clearing out is vital here.
This is why affirmations are often ineffective. You can tell yourself how great you are till you’re blue in the face, if you’re biology is working against you and you have old, stuck energies (and/or buried trauma) running the show, how can they do anything? It’s annoying I know, it would be so awesome, if all we had to do was tell ourselves a bunch of happy things and we’d feel better!
Often buried trauma is directly running the show. If this is true for you, body work is required to intervene and eliminate this, so you can have a clean slate and a real shot at your best life. Then talk therapy stands a chance of creating real and powerful change.
Most people who sit down in front of me with anxiety and depression will tell me no one ever really abused them and their childhood was fine. Unsurprisingly, these people can’t remember much about their childhood, which was usually full of pain and neglect and there was no one they could confide in about their emotions or experiences, there was no guidance offered and they were alone with their own internal dialogue.
Which is actually where trauma comes from. This lack of attunement and emotional holding creates a separation from self that means basically all stressful events that follow are experienced as a trauma. Can you see the correlation between shitty adult thoughts and an ‘okay childhood’ now? Interesting isn’t it? Of course everything that happens subsequently creates stress chemistry which sets in stone our view of the world and sense of inadequacy. This is usually experienced through a filter of shame….
Do you feel like you don’t fit in anywhere? Do you feel to blame every time something goes wrong or someone is upset? Do you have addictions? Do you look at life through a filter of wrongness that never goes away? If you answer yes to any or all of these questions you may be experiencing shame.
It is a dark filter through which all of our other feelings are processed. It is pervasive, tentacled and insidious, but can be changed with the right support, insight and understanding. In fact with powerful body work to accompany it, shame can dimish quite quickly for some people.
I hope if some of this resonates with you, you will feel understood and like you can reach out if you want to. Just know stinking thinking in all it’s forms can be changed and when you change that and treat the body, you can and will feel very different about yourself. Before you know it your life can be on a different trajectory, you can trust and like yourself and let go of the past.
With much love