It’s not what happens to us that determines who we become, but what we tell ourselves about those events.
Thanks to neuroplasticity, even a brain wired for trauma and abuse can be trained to function differently and create new, happier neural pathways and connections. It a process that takes a lot of work in adulthood, but it is possible and this has been my personal experience and many clients are also on this journey.
People who have encountered challenges, may not only have a brain that is working against them but accompanying beliefs that keep them functioning, from lack, fear and self dislike. The hard part is often seeing this when you’re in it and taking responsibility for creating something different.
I hope if you identify with any of the following, that the accompanying information and perspectives will inspire you to do just this:
BELIEF NUMBER ONE: It’s really unfair I had such an abusive family/relationship and I am sick/broke/anxious and life has dealt me this hand
So, now you are here and have suffered loss, pain, unimaginable heartbreak, abuse, trauma or grief. That is a lot to deal with and just surviving is an accomplishment.
The main thing is when you are ready, you start the healing process. It may feel overwhelming, but you will develop acceptance, great insights and fit the pieces of the puzzle together along the way…
People with the toughest start often have the most to offer once they get a handle on things. If you are willing to process your wounds into wisdom, you will have so much to offer, you will be able to leap light years ahead of others eventually. I am talking about wisdom, insight, awareness and compassion, humility and kindness.
I know people come to the start of their healing journey often with regrets, bitterness and a sense of lost time, money and opportunities and real resentment. These things eventually soften at let go as we heal and will be replaced with resilience, magnetic presence, grace and redemption. These are soulful qualities which are earned and furnish us with what we need to evolve into a higher self expression if we can allow it.
If the work of healing has been put if front of you, it’s part of your purpose. There is a tipping point you will reach where your changes are no longer pain based, but are a source of pleasure instead….
BELIEF NUMBER TWO: I deserve way better than this…. Set of circumstances/situation/outcome I don’t like/job I didn’t get/missed opportunities
This is ego, fear, denial and conditioning talking. Who said you deserve better? If that opportunity had been destined for you before now, you’d already have it.
We are all worthy of being loved, leading wonderful lives and futures. That doesn’t equal DESERVING or entitled. Everything we do get to enjoy in this life we either create or become a vibrational match for which allows it to flow into our experience.
Nothing intended for us can miss us, when something we wanted doesn’t come our way there is always a reason.
Either you have more growing or learning to do first, or for some reason you have been “redirected by life”. There are always more opportunities, it’s just that we tend to conclude, decide and judge what is best for us and react emotionally when it doesn’t work out. Missed opportunities furnish us with chance to learn that will benefit us in the long term.
When we allow the inherent wisdom of the Universe to guide us through experience and we add that to our brilliance, we win. It is possible to outcreate missed opportunties when we are willing to look at what we could have done different and what we thought we knew that we didn’t. Disappointment is a natural reaction, and then it’s important to process that into motivation and experience.
BELIEF NUMBER 3: I just care so much about the planet/animals/other people I have to be permanently sad because so much awful stuff goes on here
Give up ‘fighting’ for a better world. You will never create a change from railing against what is broken. You are wasting your life, your opportunities and your energy.
The only way we create a lasting change, is to change ourselves, demonstrate what is possible and inspire others to choose it too.
Smart people create a different way, connect with each other and empower themselves so they cannot be controlled. They also appear to fit into the existing system and make it work for them, whilst putting their energies into consciousness and developing positive change with which to improve life for everyone.
Stop being a victim. What you resist, persists, because you are energetically feeding it. This is also true on a global level, just think of the ‘War on terror’ the ‘war on cancer’ as examples.
The solution is to empower ourselves and others to out-create the problem. By committing to feeling good you become an agent, example and advocate for a better planet. When we sit around bemoaning what is wrong, we tip the collective consciousness towards trauma and drama adding to planetary woes.
BELIEF NUMBER 4: I can’t get over this grief/loss/heartbreak and it’s the story of my life
Do you tell the same story of hardship to everyone you meet? Do you engage with life through the filter of one set of events, that you have allowed to define you? There is no judgment in those questions.
The reason you are holding onto past events can be one of two things:
- You experienced a trauma which you don’t know how to clear.
- Your conditioning and beliefs mean that you value holding onto that thing. (This is learned and can be unlearned).
If the trauma option resonates, see someone and work through it. There is no shame in that, only courage, which is a great mobilizing energy. Life can be challenging and sometimes our human self just appears to freeze in time, even when we are well equipped.
If number two looks familiar, do you parents talk about that one thing that would have made them famous/rich/happy if it had just worked out, or do they pass down stories of the family tragedy and expect you to live by them too? If they do, that’s a sign you’ve been conditioned to victimhood.
You get to choose whether release these events/beliefs and become your best self or buy into a legacy of suffering.
Everyone has had grief and loss and how your life is right now is a result of every past decision you have ever made. (Even a decision to listen to others).
Our quality of life is determined not by our circumstances but by our level of courage.
There is always healing available to us and there is always another way. We are fragile, yet paradoxically, powerful beyond our knowing. Some of us just need a bit of help discovering that for ourselves and knowing how to access it.