1. STOP BLAMING AND BE RESPONSIBLE
“If it is to be, it’s up to me” – William H Johnsen
I get it, you may have had insane parents, you may have been abused, and traumatized. Maybe your partner is unkind and doesn’t understand you and you feel trapped.
You may have struggled, endured, been neglected and unloved. Maybe you made mistakes based off not knowing how to cope with situations and you experienced humiliation and powerlessness. Perhaps you had a difficult upbringing and had lousy, dysfunctional beliefs passed onto you. You may have been ill, broke, sexually assulted, marginalized, put down, bullied at school or even at work.
I had one of the worst possible starts emotionally, in my life. There came a point though where I told myself “If you are such a victim and are as awesome as you think you are then, YOU DO something to show that”. “Overcome what you have been through, to create the life that YOU desire”. And over time, that’s what I did.
TIP: It doesn’t matter how you got to today, what matters is what YOU DO, from here on out. Those people who hurt you before you knew how to handle their behavior, aren’t responsible for living the rest of your life, you are. You have the legacy you have and that can be a motivating factor in creating crazy success!
2. BELIEVE IT CAN BE CHANGED!!!!
I have all my life believed in changing/healing anything I am not happy with, either within myself or a part of my life. I experienced the effects of neuroplasticity, setting goals and achieving them and changing things (mainly) through my own will power, from very young.
Even when I was older and felt stuck and traumatized, I didn’t give up searching for my answers and my freedom.
Funnily enough, I only realized recently that other people believe that many factors in their lives are permanent. This came as a shock to me, but it makes sense now.
Many people lives of quiet desperation in which they are chronically ill, poor, or in a loveless marriage and they accept that, because they don’t understand they can change it, or it seems too hard/scary or overwhelming to change it.
Their life seems like a mould laid out for them, that they fall into and endure it to it’s logical conclusion, without ever considering if it could be different, or how it could be improved.
These people accept the beliefs they were given, not understanding that beliefs are optional and you can change them and adopt your own, more positive and uplifting beliefs.
TIP: What you think is a function of your beliefs, how you feel is a function of what you think, and what you feel and think determines your actions, your self-worth and what you can receive and the types of experiences, opportunities and people that show up in your life.
All of that is up to you and can be changed.
3. START EXAMINING WHERE YOUR BELIEFS MAKE YOUR LIFE HARD AND EASY
“Your point of view creates your reality, your reality doesn’t create your point of view” – Gary Douglas
Some of us have never actually questioned our beliefs, however, we may be aware we think negatively sometimes.
“A belief is just a thought you keep thinking” Abraham Hicks
I like to think of our beliefs as the software we are running. It’s important to understand that to change your software, you need to wipe the old software, before you put a new software program in place.
In order to deactivate old thought programs and processes, we must either destroy or atrophy old neural pathways. Destroying can be done rapidly, through something like Access Bars, or more slowly via identifying them and consciously ignoring them. Both cause the electrical circuitry around those thoughts to dissipate.
Identifying and changing troublesome beliefs is not an easy thing to do and a great Coach, Access Consciousness Facilitator or Spiritual Psychologist can help us with this. To book a Bars or spiritual psychology session with me, message me here. Apply for a free Discovery (Life Coaching) session here.
TIP: You know how some things are effortless for you and some things are hard? Imagine the thought process you have about the easy things, now start telling yourself similar thoughts about the hard things. If you can leave alone the old beliefs that it is too hard, you will be amazed at what shows up differently.
Believe it is too hard and it is too hard. Believe it is easy and you will be amply rewarded as old things suddenly implode and make for a much easier present reality.
4. STOP LETTING ‘CIRCUMSTANCES’ DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE
I have achieved far more in my life time than someone from my emotionally chaotic background ever should have. As a result of changing the toxic beliefs I used to hold and healing much of my traumas and hurts, I know I am supposed to be here. I know that life is supposed to be an awesome experience.
TIP: Circumstances are external things only and are temporary. They are a START LINE in life, not the FINISH LINE. Circumstances don’t DEFINE you. Where you START in life, doesn’t determine where you END UP.
Everyone has set backs and challenges, it’s how we deal with those that is the critical factor in determining our future.
5. STOP REACTING TO LIFE, DETERMINE WHO YOU WANT TO BE AND BECOME THAT PERSON
“Peace of mind is not a problem free life, peace of mind is possessing the skills to handle any problem”- unknown
I still remember when I clicked to the fact that I could learn to reframe challenges as prompts to outcreate the old version of me. Although I always knew things could be changed, it took me a while to understand HOW to change them.
Something shifted in my world and I got excited as I began to understand once I could use challenges as opportunities, I would be free. Not free from problems, but free from ill effects.
TIP: The radical thing is, once you have developed this skill set, you don’t respond from fear and you trust life and trust yourself to deal with things. This inner relaxation actually allows us to be less anxious and more effective where it counts most.
The more you apply problem solving and exploring how you can grow and what each thing has taught you, you stop becoming a victim and you start developing self mastery. This is a muscle we build like any other and if I can do this, anyone can.
6. KNOW THAT PAIN IS POSITIVE & SIGNALS FAULTY BELIEFS
If something is painful, it’s not right for you and you are being prompted to change. We may be prompted to shift how we are seeing something, or the thing itself.
TIP: When we are comfortable, unless we are extraordinarily disciplined and self aware, we don’t grow.
Embrace your pain, dive into it and explore it. It is a minefield of information. This is counterintuitive and takes courage. On the other side of embracing pain, lies freedom.