If you’re anything like me and you’re authentically embarking on changing your life, you are impatient as. The good news is, momentum is one tool you can harness to get you there faster, however creating rapid, constant change needs to be done with care.
Typically changes need to be judiciously mixed up with spells of integration and incubation, even when we’re trying to move ahead quickly. Otherwise we may end up screaming to a halt and even going backwards temporarily. This is the freakiest thing for my clients to encounter, as they typically assume they have lost their progress and messed up, the first few times.
Here are some common reasons this occurs:
You are still learning to trust the new version of yourself and learning to let life support you
Old feelings of low self worth may be creating resistance.
Your ego is flat out unhappy with you. You have usurped it’s job of keeping you small and safe, you didn’t listen to it’s warnings and it may even be coming back at you twice as hard.
Biologically your system is freaked. You have spent most of your life attuned a certain way and thinking and acting accordingly and you’re mixing things up a bit. Your system is resetting itself and doing it’s best to keep up. The wins you are making may be registering as danger in your mamalian brain, so slowing down, integrating and processing may be necessary here and body work may be valuable too.
Something came up that felt so awful, you didn’t know what to do yet and you were triggered (and probably want to run away).
If you haven’t yet created a fully fledged support system, this can be a vulnerable time and perhaps a session or two to get you past here would be helpful.
𝓗𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘’𝓿𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓾𝓶 𝓶𝔂 𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭:
TAKE A FEW STEPS BACK WHEN NECESSARY
Feel like retreating? Do it, just do it with awareness and notice yourself. Part of being on a fast track, is also being mindful and if your biology is screaming at you to stop at some point, do so and pay attention. This is happening for a reason and when properly processed will allow you to return to your new trajectory.
People typically confuse these temporary ‘adjustments’ with old sensations of failure and when they’ve been working so hard on themselves, it can seem terrifying and confusing to be at this place.
As we progress, we create new neural pathways, cellular and muscle memories and (gradually) new thoughts, feelings and emotions. These don’t get deleted the moment you retreat a bit. They are there, waiting for you when you steady yourself again and are ready to resume your new path. It’s okay to allow your biology to retreat when your new place doesn’t yet feel fully safe.
HERE’S WHAT TO DO: Have compassion for yourself. If you are driven more than you are kind to yourself, here is a great opportunity for you! It is natural/normal that the inner child in you (or even the wounded adult) who has had the challenges, difficulties and pains you have experienced might endure some set backs.
Observe, journal and use this as a source of valuable information. Learn the signs for you and ensure that you resolve to master them. Reach out and use your supports. Verbalize what is happening.
LEARN THE SIGNS
Our biology can be compelling and when it’s in unfamiliar territory (perhaps after some trauma release sessions) or giving up old habits/choices, we can need to grieve a bit. We may have to steer ourselves through integrating and incubating these shifts and allow our biology to catch up again.
It’s part of the process and a part that no one warns us about and is something you can become good at recognizing and steering yourself through. In fact self mastery absolutely requires it.
HERE’S WHAT TO DO: Recognize what is happening, see it as an opportunity to expand further and to master yourself. All successful people steer themselves through growing pains, the recognition of discomfort and fear. Just breathe into it and allow, letting it rise up and surface, you are more than capable of withstanding and eventually welcoming these moments.
PERCEIVED ‘SET BACKS’ ARE ‘SETTING YOU UP’ FOR AN AMAZING FUTURE
We will be knocked off our perch by events and people for as many times as we need to be, to practice the skills we need to progress and create momentum with. Until your new life creating skills are solid, we tend to waver when challenged, this is completely normal!
HERE’S WHAT TO DO: Life is assisting you to become expert at creating what you say you want. This is one spot where humility is relevant. Who are you to not expect challenges? The key here is seeing this as the result of your success and being aware that life wants you to succeed really badly!! You are receiving exactly the learning you asked for in a divinely perfect way. Practice gratitude and wonder at the utter intelligence and wisdom that surrounds you.
DON’T BE TOO ATTACHED TO HOW THINGS SHOULD GO
Leave the details up to the Universe. Once we are fully committed, to our journey, life will take us to our intended outcome one way or another. If you are open to receiving the guidance that is just for you which often shows up as disappointment, loss, and having to create new opportunities, you will become so much more resilient and resourceful.
HERE’S WHAT TO DO: Trust your own knowing in choosing this. Like the grommit surfer, you can allow yourself to be carried atop those waves laughing, wobbling and screaming with joy and a bit out of control once you’re there, or you can dig in, resist and faceplant, only to get dragged under and have to start again. Of course that will happen too and is also a sign of progress, ideally, you want both, but more of the former is an easier road.
BE PROUD OF YOURSELF, YOU’VE EARNED IT!
Making changes to the level you are asking for isn’t for most people. You are exceptional and this deserves acknowledging. If you continue long enough (and I know that you will) wisdom is the inevitable result of making this journey. This requires humility, curiosity, courage and commitment, which are amazing qualities!
HERE’S WHAT TO DO: Stop expecting disaster, give yourself permission to feel safe, stop strugging and breathe in your new changes. Tell yourself in the mirror how you feel about yourself daily. As suggested by Mel Robbins, High five yourself!! Enjoy the new sensations, connections, opportunities and knowings available to you!