As Russell Brand says “We have a biological imperative to give a damn what other people think about us”. What he is saying is that we are programmed to scan our environment for threats real or imagined, psychological or physical and monitor them.
In our ‘civilized’ society in the absence of saber tooth tigers, that daily threat activating our fright or flight chemistry, is often gossip and judgment from other people.
Whilst a percentage of the population can brush that off without a care in the world, for empaths, or those who perceive energy and are physiologically wired for sensitivity, they simply cannot.
To these people, emotional wounding experienced through receiving judgment is so intense, it is like a physical trauma, (scientists have now proven this as accurate). The strong sensations accompanying someone bad vibing them, are often so acute, that negotiating a ‘normal’ existence is cripplingly painful.
Those individuals often end up suicidal, depressed and mistrustful of themselves and others. They are extremely fearful and anxious about ‘normal’ situations like going to work or socializing.
I used to be one of those people. I no longer am and I haven’t been for a long time.
So, how did I achieve this miraculous change? It’s partly about resetting your physiology and your inner wiring. It’s also about learning how to direct things differently (in terms of conscious thoughts, feelings and emotions) as you go about resetting your nervous system.
I don’t know if many people who suffer in this way are aware that this change is even an option for them. I am here to tell you, if I can do it, you can as well – anyone can. I am not special for doing this.
However, this journey isn’t for the faint hearted. If you want it badly enough, it is yours for the taking. It is however, a tough journey and unraveling all that crap, might well be the hardest thing you will ever do. In the process you will discover who you are on a soul and cellular level. You will face things you never thought you’d have to and you will begin to understand people and the human condition and develop massive compassion, strength and wisdom.
The rewards of choosing these changes will be greater than anything you have ever imagined. Releasing ourselves from our triggers and the burden of dragging our past with us is a phenomenal thing. Getting out of constant emotional pain and misery, underachievement and self hatred is an enormous relief. Feeling like a victim who is able to be pushed around by anyone, is a torture no one deserves to endure.
Many people are suffering, because when they were young, they saw and experienced things they weren’t equipped to handle. Maybe they were loved, but their parents were addicted, dysfunctional or incompetent. That isn’t judgment, it is a loving awareness and is true for many people. Usually their parent’s parents were also traumatized and maybe emotionally incompetent too.
When I say I am no longer one of those people, I still identify as an empath. I am a healer, clairsentient and am extremely sensitive. I am no longer crippled by feeling physically wounded by others who direct nasty energy or emotions at me. Nor by stressful situations, disappointments, feeling helpless or at the effect of life. In fact despite facing challenges like everyone does, these days, I feel pretty powerful.
Judgment (mostly) floats straight past me. I’m aware of it and willing to receive it. Poor behavior isn’t mine to deal with and it’s difficult for others to activate past pain pathways inadvertently or deliberately as I’ve not only healed an enormous amount, I’m learning self mastery and becoming expert at changing the energy of a situation or looking for opportunities where I used to see pain.
There is a lot to all of this, obviously. For me the psychological approaches alone didn’t work. The energy that used to ‘get in’ and wound me (because I had years of past trauma stored in the cells of my body and being). No amount of thinking my way out of it, (or telling myself it’s no one else’s business what anyone else thinks of me), could stop that process from energetically happening.
It also didn’t seem realistic to me that meditation was the appropriate tool for changing this. I discovered at that time, I couldn’t meditate (being at one with that pain made the practice intolerable for me and I couldn’t concentrate anyway).
I work today with many who I recognize as having a similar or varying degrees of trauma that requires physical processing and treatments, in conjunction with other means for creating lasting relief.
This deals directly with the source of the issue where it is stored in the body – the neural pathways, energy field, cellular and muscle memories. I also teach my clients and students how to work with energy to change anything and we use a combination of traditional psychology, spiritual psychology, science and metaphysics to achieve empowerment and freedom for them.
When psychology was the only option, or even once my body was getting free, knowing that a person judging me was a total shitcunt, didn’t let me off the hook in terms of comforting my grieving inner child or empowering my then ill equipped adult self, that used to feel rendered instantly paralysed in the face of a bully.
Not only that, bullies could read in my energy field and body language the sum total of my past experience and I was literally like a slow moving target.
This is one of the reasons that these often beautiful, incredible and conscious human beings experience trauma over and over again until they heal.
Read Part 2 on How to Deal with Judgment here…