This is a social media post that evolved into a blog post. I would love to hear your views on the subject…
“Control is what we do, when we feel like we don’t have any” – Gary Douglas
Maintaining a sense of ‘control’ is an illusion that is exhausting, self defeating and all it does is distract us from what is real, create anxiety and dissipate our energy.
People do control in many ways – over their diet and calorific intake, over their routines, exercise, over others in their immediate environment, at work, in their relationships and with money…
I used to be so controlling in my early 20s when I was in relationship, before I understood that we never control anyone or anything.
Really control was a way of feeling safe when I didn’t have the tools to navigate life successfully, I was carrying significant trauma and I had no idea what I was doing. I had also witnessed control as a way of doing things by the people around me.
When we feel deeply dis-empowered, control seems like a good idea. The reasons for control can be things like feeling totally insignificant, helpless, afraid, engulfed by relationships and because we are entrained to co-dependence and are carrying unresolved childhood trauma.
Control always felt bad to me and eventually I figured out it was also completely futile. I was actually glad to discover this many years later. What was even better was learning that there were new ways of operating in the world that were better than those I’d been taught growing up.
When I came across Access Bars with facilitation and began releasing my trauma, I knew I was finally on the path to my own redemption and I had found a couple of methods for viewing life which finally made sense and linked the psychology and emotion with energy.
This was something I was already deeply aware of, but hadn’t had the tools/vocabulary or confidence to express. To be empowered to work with energy to affect the outcomes I wanted in my life and to understand how that related to my body and my mind was the most empowering thing that could have ever happened to me.
How have I come to terms with life and built a new physiology that has enabled me to release ‘control’ and powerfully create my life every day, confident within myself and knowing that I can handle whatever arises?
1. UNDERSTANDING CAUSE & EFFECT – THE LINK BETWEEN ENERGY & EMOTION
I believe deeply in the relationship between energy and emotion. So anything that shows up in my life is an energetic match for that. It is either a huge win (manifestation) or it is exactly what I need to learn from and grow and up-level.
I am a powerful co-creator with life and life happens for me not to me. I cannot lose, therefore I don’t need to do control or stress out. I may still choose to sometimes, however if and when this happens, I catch it fairly quickly and take steps to regain my equilibrium.
2. PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY & EFFORT
If there is anything I want in my life, it is up to me to invite it in and undertake the actions to create it. No control required, just allowing the right people and opportunities to flow into my experience (while I do the work to create them).
3. DISCOVERING EMOTIONAL & ENERGETIC SELF MASTERY & TRUSTING ME
I have learned through working my tools of Emotional and Energetic Self Mastery that I trust myself, my awareness and I trust life to fully support me in my soul purpose, my vocation, in creating abundance and the connections to sustain and nurture me.
4. RELEASING TRAUMA
I did lots of body work to release what I was carrying that was confusing and painful and was clouding my connection with my inner wisdom and my insight.
As I’ve felt better and better, I’ve done better. I feel literally lighter in the molecules of my being. I have more space available to me, that I can fill up with positive beliefs, habits, practices and feelings.
5. LOSING MY ‘VICTIM’ IDENTITY/CONSCIOUSNESS
I undid my ‘victim consciousness’ and I started to see my anxiety disorders as a source of information and awareness rather than something that was supposed to destroy me.
Instead of pushing against them, I embraced them and stopped making myself wrong for them. Because began listening to what they they were telling me about people, places and things, they went away.
6. CREATING THE CONDITIONS FOR VITALITY & WELLNESS
I created the conditions that would allow good brain health, physical health and a new physiology to emerge for myself.
I am extremely disciplined about this as it makes me feel good. I don’t accept anything less from myself than choices that support my vitality and positive emotions.
7. CHOOSING A POSITIVE CREW
I have only people in my life that believe in who I am and what I came to do and reflect that back to me in a positive way.
That’s not to say that these people can’t point out things and be honest and real with me about anything.
However, they support my progress and success (and I theirs), whilst focusing on building their own.
If you’d like to discuss how to do less control and tap into your power and potency instead to create ease, harmony and success, connect with me here