When I was a child, I imagined what I wanted and then I knew I could (and would create it). I never questioned or doubted my ability to have what I want. I was very single minded in my approach to what mattered to me.

I achieved all of my goals, seemingly effortlessly, although when I think back, I worked really hard, it just felt effortless and I didn’t apply an adult definition of ‘work’ to what I was doing…

I was exploring the world, enjoying my capabilities, fueling my life force energy through accomplishment and my sense of self worth was a natural extension of this.

Deciding on my goals and bringing them to fruition back then felt like play. I naturally learned, grew and pursued my development, without censoring my amount of effort or expecting quick outcomes as we are  taught to do now.

I didn’t try to hurry, short cut and I didn’t worry about whether I would achieve what I wanted to or not. I didn’t bring time or age into it and panic about where things were at. I hadn’t learned to only put in effort if I’d get the outcome and to constantly weigh up whether this picture was heading in the right direction.

I do remember re-evaluating my progress, but this always felt like a resolve, reaffirmation and recommitment to what I knew inside more than anything else.

I totally trusted life and it didn’t really enter my awareness that I could fail. I knew someone else could do better than me, but that inspired me to push harder, do more and be better.

One by one, my completed goals fell in my lap.  I’ve been thinking about this lately and retrospectively tuning in through meditation and remembering the feelings of what I used to do, exactly how that worked.

Here are some insights from my child and teen self, which I’ve found incredibly helpful. Perhaps you will as well…


When we are living from excitement, we don’t question, we know what we are creating.

It’s just our path, we don’t doubt it. Knowing is instantaneous, so we don’t second guess, over analyze or question it either.

We know and we do what feels right in the accomplishing of that. Because we feel so sure, our belief ensures our effort is focused productive and in the zone.


I never worried about my goals as a kid, I merely got up each day and did what it took to achieve them.

I hadn’t failed, so I hadn’t learned that adult thing of “I’ll effort IF it gets me where I want to go and if it doesn’t I won’t”.

This is such an incredible insight because by the time I got to 40 and had a string of trauma, lack, failures, hardships and dis-satisfaction behind me, I questioned every little exertion I made.

I was protective of my energy, frightened of illness, failure, looking stupid, being judged, not being worthy, being seen, not having certainty and not knowing with clarity the whole path ahead…Life felt hard and I almost had a sense that things should come easily to compensate for all of that.

I was going to have to work backwards un-creating my conditioning, removing my trauma and pain and see what was left of me beneath that and what adult Rose and little Rose, wanted to do, be and have from there onwards.

Now that I’ve healed much and done this work, I’m able to trust my choices and decisions, be my best me, following my inner guidance and let go of how things show up or what the final outcome is. This feels amazing and peaceful, generative and aligned.


When younger, I intuitively trusted myself to know what to do and that it was leading somewhere good. There was no wrong way.

As an adult who was hurting, lost and struggling, it took me a long time to recover and really accept the worth and value in me being myself.

Once I started to heal and my path forward became clearer, what was right for me, felt so effortless, I devalued it, thinking that others found it easy too. Because what I’d experienced was so painful at the time, I didn’t see how unique my take on things, my experience and contribution was – at first.

I needed to learn to receive again and reframe all the wonderful aspects of what I’d gained instead of focusing on what I felt/feared I’d lost.

I used to panic that others were further ahead of me on the path, but now I know everything is as it should be, as it is needed to be for me to be driven, healed, whole and clear about my way forwards.

I am so grateful now for being me, that there is no fear and lack, just knowing and connection.  


Little me knew what she knew and trusted that.

Before I had discovered the hardships created by disconnection from oneself, not having the skills I needed to handle what life would throw at me and carrying subsequent trauma, I trusted my own judgment in all matters.  

Once again, I now TRUST what I am doing, that I’m guided to what I am choosing for a reason and I KNOW it feels incredible when I have breakthroughs with clients, in my marketing and my writing and business as a whole.

If that changes at some stage, I will know and take everything I’ve gained from that with me. For now, my cup is full and overflowing. I have big picture goals and I just show up as my best self, dealing with what is in front of me to develop mastery and get to all of that.

I don’t need to control my results, any outcomes or manifestations. The Universe is far wiser than me with filling in the next little bit of the puzzle, opportunity or breakthrough and in many ways I feel as joyful as a child again! I now have unlimited possibilities and the skills knowledge that I lacked the first time around with a bit of wisdom thrown in


As kids we know what we want without question, as adults, overwhelm and external influences abound and we we can lose touch with our inner guidance.

As an adult who lost her way for a while, I didn’t know my preferences any more or what mattered to me.

I was influenced by those around me, had poor boundaries and kept picking goals that weren’t right for me, until I picked healing as a goal. I found my true soul calling for this life time.

For a while, I made everything about my business and my contribution and forgot about receiving.

Now, I’m much further along the healing path, I’ve revisited what little Rose knew she wanted and it turns out that those things are closely aligned now. It’s really true that as adults we often have to peel back the layers and clear who we are not, to rediscover who we were all along.   


As children we accept and allow naturally and feel aligned with this – as fear based adults, we do control instead

As adults, we can create reaction and resistance to anything. As I’ve healed I thought I knew what each next step would be (control), but as I’ve surpassed that stage, I’ve learned to let go and focus on being my best me instead. What shows up naturally will guide my next steps.

Along the way, I figured out where that where I have zero resistance, I’ve healed, learned something new or rediscovered something I’d made unimportant that actually is totally aligned with me.

If you are on a big healing journey or are feeling lost or stuck with getting to what really matters to you, remember you are doing fantastically well.

If you are very confused about what you want for the rest of your life or your goals aren’t coming easily, even though you are clear of the past, that is normal and a couple of things may be happening. Your aims may be not aligned with you, or you may not yet have reconnected with your true essence enough to have clarity.

I trust that this article has offered some insight and provoked some thought processes that are valuable to you.  


1.Remove old beliefs, traumas and upsets from the body, energy field and muscle and cellular memory

I do this for myself primarily though Access Consciousness Bars.

Until 6 years ago, I was carrying significant trauma I’d held onto from childhood. I’d had therapy, CBT, counseling, attended numerous classes, workshops and tried many things, none of which worked for me.

Although I had all the intellectual knowledge to be free from all these things, what was embedded in my cells was running my thoughts and my life. All that electrical circuitry would fire off, keeping me permanently paralyzed and in pain. I saw the world through that filter and no amount of talking or learning shifted that in my physiology.

It is a strange feeling to know about being free, yet be so biologically stuck, you are locked in the past. I am pleased to say that now my body has caught up with my brain and my experience of life is considerably different today.

Access Bars was a life saver and a game changer for me and is for many others. Through this miraculous body process, I got free. I still cry when I think about my first Bars session, the verbal facilitation I received and how I knew that I’d found my thing after 20 years of looking. I now work with these tools to help others.

If you need to release some things holding you back, find a way to do it that works for you. We are supposed to create our lives moment to moment, implementing the future we desire. We cannot, while we carry past versions of us around, nor if we are paralyzed with shame, blame, regret or guilt.

One of the biggest things we are not taught in our culture, is how to get rid of what pains us and how to be conscious with our lives and ourselves.

Consciousness is not just about being relaxed, calm and self aware in the moment as mindfulness would teach. It is about being an empty vessel and being aware of all possibilities and infinite choices. That way love, inspiration and all that we desire can flow thorough us, fill us up and we remain energized, vital, connected and aware at all times.

We operate from energy, space and consciousness, instead of old patterning, programming, algorithms, entrainment, circuitry and soul contracts that are limiting us.

2. Adopt a present-future focus

As soon as you are free of the old, you naturally start to use every moment to simultaneously co-create your present and future.

This paradigm is not to suggest that you are not extremely grateful for your past choices and the learning contained therein. Rather you powerfully release the energy of these, instead responding moment to moment from your inner potency, to generate your highest future and self.

From this state, we can take actions today that allow us to create the future that will benefit us 2 years and 5 years from today, whilst simultaneously enjoying what we are doing and getting paid now.

3. Stop being a victim and take responsibility

Life happens for us and not to us. We are responsible for every thought, feeling emotion, attraction, manifestation and set of events we ‘encounter’.

Really we are co-creating with the Universe for our own benefit (whether that is learning or loving what shows up).  

If you don’t like what is manifesting, life is gifting you the opportunity to be different, so that your life becomes different. By owning it and changing from the inside out, everything around you will shift to acknowledge this and meet you where you are at.

4. Learn to see the benefits in and be grateful for every experience

Appreciating and seeing the opportunity for growth in everything, even heartbreaks, grief and disappointments, is key to your own empowerment and to a life well lived.

Once you adopt the mindset of being able to see the benefit in every situation and have a mindset of continual self improvement, there is nothing you cannot overcome or accomplish.

You stop becoming reactive to things outside of yourself over which you have no control and you realize by developing mastery from the inside out, you excel in the world.

5. Talk in the language of your body

Your body is your best friend and greatest instrument through which you experience all of life. It is constantly relaying information to you about the external world and your internal state as well.

Learn to speak it’s language for ease with absolutely everything. When we are on the same page with our body we interpret all symptoms and sensations as information and we become wise.

We allow our body to guide us, understanding through it’s sensations, who and what is for us and what is showing up far in advance of what our logical mind can comprehend.

6. Function from knowing not from feelings

Your feelings are your body’s reaction to your thoughts and therefore are as high quality as the quality of your thinking.

Learn to intervene in your own thinking, to change your feelings and grow as a person, taking on a higher frequency and becoming a match for the people, places and things you desire.

Acknowledge your feelings and allow them to flow, but don’t worship at the alter of them, (This is far too common in personal development and holds people back). Feelings are temporary sensations that guide us as to whether our beliefs are healthy or not. That is all.

The magic lies in the fact that we are wired in a way that our feelings will guide us to a higher consciousness, if we stop reacting and feeling the feelings of external events we don’t like (getting upset) and start directing our align our thoughts to create a positive experience of our life instead.

Knowing is being, perceiving and receiving. It is pure and instantaneous. Knowing is light and expansive, feelings are often heavy and limiting.

Now, I want to be very clear, I am NOT talking about a by-pass created through fake positivity. Far from it, I am speaking about using your feelings as a guide to see where you have unhealthy and unhelpful beliefs, as you dismantle those beliefs, the quality of your feelings and life experience will improve.

This is quite different from a by-pass and takes a lot of inner work and self awareness.

7. Discover how to channel energy, receive inspiration and flow it outwards to others

Energy is one of the things we’re not taught about in an emotional or relational context.

This is what presence is all about. If you can master the previous six points you will automatically be expanded energetically with your barriers down.

You will be able to receive massive amounts from life your higher self and the collective unconscious. Inspiration, love, kindness and money can flow your way. Others truly sense this and will seek you out and connect with you, creating amazing relationships and opportunities.


Do you have issues in your body?

Do they bother you?

Are they episodic, regular, semi regular or daily?

Are you in pain?

Has everything you have ‘tried’ so far, not really changed it, but has only helped manage the symptoms?

Does this frustrate or limit you in some way?

What if your body is not what you have been taught it is?

What if your body is your greatest facilitator of your consciousness?

Louise Hay was one of the first people to teach us that symptoms in the body equal blocks created by spiritual/emotional wounds that we can heal and in so doing, we free the body. There are other schools of thought or systems offering very similar approaches. One of my favorite authors on this subject is Christiane Beerlandt who wrote “The Key to Self Liberation”.

The way we have been taught to view our body is very superficial.

For example, let’s say – I fall, I injure my knee, my knee hurts because I fell, therefore, I ice and bandage it and see a physio until it gets better. Woe is me, it really hurts! FML right?

There is a deeper, more meaningful perspective on this…

Let’s take Louise Hay’s work as an example. According to Louise Hay, knee problems equal inflexibility and being stuck in ego and pride. So therefore, the psycho-spiritual perspective on why you injured your knee in the first place, is that your body was trying to give you a message about being stuck, rigid, prideful and egoic.

Imagine you knew this at the time you injured your knee, so as well as bandage your knee, ice it and see a physio, you had a healing, to work on any stuck aspects of yourself where maybe your ego was running things, you were prideful or inflexible.

When you get the awareness of what your body is communicating with you and take steps to address that imbalance or issue in your world, you knee has to get better, it is Law. This hastens and super cedes any physical measures you are taking to improve your recovery, because you are working with energy and it is instantaneous.

Therefore when we understand our true nature on a deeper level and the implications of issues in our body, not only can we become more aware and free of emotional baggage, our knee problem (for example) can spontaneously heal or begin to clear up.

Now, if you are reading this and have recently messed up your knee (for example), I am not telling you that you have an ego problem, far from it. That would be dis-empowering and inaccurate. What I am suggesting is that there is some aspect of yourself, your life, your relationships or choices to which this paradigm applies.

Rather than making yourself wrong for this (which many of us tend to do when we first hear this ‘shocking’ concept), what if this perspective is an opportunity and a short cut to stepping into the highest, wholest version of you now? Instead, it can be something you use to elevate your life, to connect, tune in and become outstanding on all levels? Wouldn’t that be incredible?

Contemplate just for a second what life could be like if we viewed health from this holistic and conscious perspective. If we regarded our physical ‘problems’ as a form of communication, rather than an unfortunate event. Instead, our soul is bringing our attention through our earthly vessel to an aspect of ourselves that requires some work, awareness or releasing?

We are so finely tuned and miraculously whole (and always seeking balance and wellness) that this reality is available to us all the time. We just aren’t aware of it and we haven’t been taught to think in this way.

Now, don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with Western medicine or approaches. However what if as well as taking advantage of the lastest technological advances in medicine, we were able to heal ourselves and connect with our body to do it? What if all injury and illness were an invitation to become more aware, free of our ‘stuff’ and healthier, mentally and physically?

I’ve found this to be true in my world and with my clients – it certainly is a reality that is a lot more empowering and inviting (and more logical) than, “I hurt myself, this really sucks” with no rhyme nor reason to it whatsoever.

Life is not a maelstrom of unconnected events in a chaotic world, it is a sequence of finely executed and inter-connected happenings which take place for us and for our growth. Every single tiny thing we experience we have co-created for our own evolution.

When we start to be open to this possibility, we can delight in our power as infinite beings having a human experience. We can wonder at our epic ability to create in the physical, which is designed to align us with our inner landscape. We can trust that this will match us with events and happenings that benefit us, keep us safe and contribute to our learning and development.

We can develop confidence in our awareness of and stewardship with our body, knowing that any time we have symptoms or issues, we personally are empowered to change them, (in addition to giving our money, trust and time to the Dr).

Far from the bleak perspective of a meaningless and cruel world, we are being prompted to embrace the wisdom of our soul, expressed through our physiology. This is also relevant to happy, energized and beautiful moments, which similarly course through us – offering evidence of our higher self at work.

Once we can contemplate this prospect without massive resistance, put it into practice and see that it does in fact work, life assumes a richness and a tapestry which is empowering and liberating beyond anything we may have previously considered.

My training is to facilitate you to connect with the awareness your body is giving you, to release the block creating that, the associated emotions and to then assist the body to heal itself. I also teach you any skills and information you were lacking when you created that issue, so as you can confidently stay free of it in the future.

Everything that we experience is energy and if you can change the energy, you can change anything. When we can embrace this truth, we can start to see the genius of how this works and embrace what it is telling us, rather than feeling at the effect of events and denying the infinite nature of our creating.

Contact me here to discuss booking a session today.  


So how do you enact healing when you’ve been badly hurt and what’s required to turn your pain into empowerment and progress?  

1. Learn where you were and weren’t in your awareness

This isn’t to blame, it is to empower you to a different possibility.

If there are things you don’t know, this is an opportunity to become wiser and take a learning curve to being a more informed and perceptive you. 

For example; I had a past relationship where I was narcissistically abused.

My recovery involved:

Learning about toxic narcissism, why empaths are attracted to narcissists and what creates a narcissist. Also:

What was inside me and from my upbringing that left me pre-disposed to engaging romantically with narcissists. Where I was susceptible to missing red flags, how to spot them and set appropriate boundaries.

I was unaware of those traits in other areas of life, and began to see the different permutations and presentations that toxic narcissism can have.

This learning empowered me to understand myself, the world around me and where other people function from. I’ve since come to understand this phenomena on a broader and deeper spiritual and societal level.

2. Take care of your physiology as part of healing

Our bodies house all the pain that we go through and everything we experience that is traumatic is stored in our muscle memory, cellular memory, neural pathways and energy field.

Giving relief to the body is such an important but little understood area of healing and letting go. When we have biochemistry firing off with things like PTSD, the body needs help to reset itself.  

Doing the emotional and spiritual development is part of the puzzle and receiving whatever type of healing works for your body is another important part.

Access bars in particular are proven to be good for changing trauma.

3. Be brave and explore the purpose behind the pain

For most things, when we are being pushed to grow, life gives us a number of gentle opportunities to change and warnings which seem to intensify over time if we ignore them.

When events and challenges arising seem sudden, those are soul challenges playing out for the purpose of our evolution. I have been studying soul pre birth planning and that has become an area of fascination for me. 

We choose our major challenges for each life time ahead of incarnating. Each incarnation has a purpose, and several themes and areas for growth. When we learn to explain our difficulties in light of what the soul was choosing for our highest evolution, events stop seeming random, pointless and unfair.

This doesn’t mean the pain is any less, however we can progress through it with more ease and the understanding we need to get the learn we require. 

Whilst Psychology offers valuable insights into specific behaviors and relationships, spirituality empowers on a soul level, ultimately allowing us to become freer.  

4. Learn any tools which may have empowered you to handle that situation effectively

Knowledge is power

Knowledge applied well is wisdom.

Tools that allow us to practically apply wisdom, empower us.

Once empowered (connected with our own power), we feel safe.

When we are safe, we can thrive

As we thrive, we get happy and can forgive if necessary.

5. Get Grateful

It is possible to do enough work that we are grateful for our most painful experiences and for those that we created them with. I also believe it is possible to do many life times of healing and ascension in one life time.

We step up and evolve when we are ready to do so and sometimes that path can be quite dramatic. Ascension is a word that describes that sort of trajectory in terms of growth and awareness.

Often the people with the biggest contribution to make are given the toughest path as preparation. Souls don’t have a point of view about suffering, pain, trauma and difficulty, only our human selves do. 

It’s only our conditioned human selves that long for an easy life, quick success, loads of fun, money, fame, beauty and whatever else we are seeking. We cannot control what shows up in our life, once we are here.

It’s who we become in the process of dealing with our challenges that is where we have free will and the ability to transcend and thrive.



Prevention is better than cure.

Avoid stressful situations and people, by not being an energetic match for them. I do this by being well, energized and in a high vibe state.

When I am clear, fulfilled and purposeful, I seldom encounter the negative. If I do, I barely notice and it slides off again.

TIP: Being focused and aligned with your own trajectory leaves you buoyant, robust and not a match for drama. Therefore you won’t attract it or even notice it, should it show up.


If we are empathetic, we will often be aware of other people’s thoughts, feelings and emotions, without even pausing to check whether it’s our stuff or someone else’s. 

When we are around someone who is sad for example, we may assume it is us who is sad, when in actual fact, we are just aware of their sadness. 

TIP: If we are interrupted by difficult thoughts, feelings or emotions, ask if they are yours. If they aren’t, return them to sender with consciousness attached. (This is actually facilitating the other person to get free of their stuff if they are willing to receive that). This is a tool from Access Consciousness. 


When someone you care about is struggling, be there, support, assist and don’t go down with them. We are taught to vibrationally match people’s state, to show caring. All this does is create two struggling people. 

TIP: When helping others, hold your own frequency and stay there. It is actually a better feeling for the person whom you are supporting as they feel safer that way. This takes some practice and can feel weird at first, then it feels really good. 


Can you remember a time when someone did something dreadful and you observed it, just carried on and didn’t let it affect you? We can do that a lot more often than we do. 

When we are healed, we can’t be triggered, if we allow someone to trigger us, we have some internal work to do of our own.

TIP: If something is bothering you, take an honest look at who’s problem it is. If you are reacting, you have some work to do. 

If someone is behaving appallingly, deal with the behavior, set boundaries if necessary and move on. Often the lesson here becomes where we missed red flags and allowed the wrong person in. 

If we have done this, it pays to move forwards and learn from this, so we can become more powerful in our own knowledge of human nature. 


When I was younger, everything was about me because I had buried trauma. I felt so vulnerable, if anyone did anything nasty towards me or doubted me, I felt super upset and didn’t know what to do about it. 

Now I have evolved so much, healed so much and learned so much about human behavior, I see where others are functioning from and I am free to react or not, it is nothing to do with me. 

TIP: If we are empowered, we can let all of life flow around us, trusting ourselves and our own judgment and holding our own space, because we have done the inner work. 

We can only be at the effect of someone else if we are making them more powerful than us. 


Consciousness is knowing that people will always be true to who they are, what they know and what works for them in the world. This is true, whether you like or believe in them, or regardless of whether you see their potential or think they are a good person.

TIP: Take off your rose coloured glasses and be truly honest with yourself about who people really are. Don’t project onto someone else who you can see they could be, or who you would like them to be for you. 

Don’t attribute your values to others and then get hurt when people don’t treat you as you would them. They will always be who they are and they don’t have your heart.   


Old traumas and unhelpful beliefs form a filter through which we view everything, leaving us unnecessarily reactive to situations and to people.

 Not only that, the Universe will bring us and more and more instances of those type of people and situations, until we heal.  We owe it to ourselves to get free and not be a walking target, with those things stored in our field for others to unconsciously read. 

TIP: See a trusted coach or therapist or body worker, who can work with you to shift and heal your old wounds and traumas that are currently unresolved with you. 

As scary as this is, it is a huge route to freedom and to upgrading everything in your life. 


We are taught in our culture in order to stay safe from people who are doing bad or wrong, we need to judge them as being separate and different from us.

We can just be aware who they are and what they get up to, without thinking too much about it.

TIP: It is a conscious choice to allow. We don’t know the reasons others are that way and where they are at in their soul journey.


“Never argue with a fool. He will pull you down to his level and beat you with experience” Mark Twain

If we are sensitive, arguing the rightness of our point of view can be damaging. If powerful within ourselves, we don’t confront, we just know and we just choose accordingly.  

TIP: Self-actualized folks who are healed are circumspect. They allow others to be where they are at, whilst acknowledging that change is always possible, and they are not attached to that outcome.

The ways you can be unaffected by others are :

  • Making yourself happy
  • Healing old hurts and limitations
  • Being aware of where others are functioning from
  • Allowing them to be that way without reaction
  • Trusting in what you know
  • Don’t make others more powerful than you
  • Not judging – it messes us up and them
  • Understanding Human Behavior
  • Having Emotional and Energetic Self Mastery – know what is yours and what isn’t


If you are reading this, perhaps you have some issues causing consistent problems or frustrations in your life.

You know you need to change and you really want to but how do you know how to get where you want to go and which actions will get you the right result? Who do you go to?

Once you have done your research and figured out your answer and have the funds to invest, there is one more thing has the potential to stop you in your tracks.

That thing is FEAR.

Changing who and how we are goes against our biological urge for safety and survival. If you are considering embarking on a significant journey of change and you are terrified, know that your instincts are serving you well and then choose change anyway.

“A year from now, 12 months will have elapsed and you’ll either have taken the journey (to achieve your dreams) or you won’t. Imagine how that’s going to feel either way…Now choose” – Rose Aitken

Five years ago, when everything I knew began to fall apart, so something better could show up, I had many, many fears, however, despite these I KNEW life was meant to be wonderful. I KNEW I had untapped potential. I BELIEVED I COULD CHANGE.

The following thoughts were rooted firmly in my head:

  • I was afraid I would be the only person that making thechanges didn’t work for.
  • I didn’t want to spend a lot of time and money working for something that might still leave me with the same problems
  • I might hate being the new version of me
  • The journey might be too hard or painful, or I might get to a point I can’t get beyond and feel stuck there.
  • I might change so much that everyone hated me. Hell, I might hate me too.
  • I might become an uptight pain in the ass that is no fun and too serious.
  • The pain and trauma might continue, but just in a different way/on a different level and I might not know how to deal with that either.
  • Life might suck after the changes, just in a different way.
  • My anxiety might be unchangeable. It had been until that point.
  • And on….and on….

I chose change anyway and here’s what happened.

It hurt, a lot and my progress was often painfully slow. I wanted someone to oversee my changes who could join the dots for me, I was often blindly feeling my way. (I would have given anything for someone like me to help me back then).

Regardless of these things I kept going and pretty soon the magic started to show up. The Universe kept bringing me the lessons I needed to go next level and next…I was getting just enough pain to keep the change momentum going, without crippling me.

I’ve learned about energetic awareness and emotional self mastery. I’ve grasped how to BE different, operate differently and feel different. My physiology and bank account are vastly improved and I am now a match for good things. Along the way I build confidence, self worth and self discipline, amazing relationships and friends and a life I LOVE.

Here’s what I know about choosing change in the face of fear:

1. You have to make the change because it feels right.

2. You have to make it because you know something different is possible for you.

3. You have to keep going and commit to doing so and be willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to win.

I did and it’s why I got to where I am today. Here are five more compelling reasons why you should choose change:

1. You can out-create anything

Whatever feels too hard to change or to live with, you can do something about. Whatever seems like it is destroying you, you can outcreate and go beyond. Maybe no one told you this, but you can.

2. The bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward

If your pain feels epic, it’s likely you have much transformation to undertake, much growth you are being called towards to ready you for a powerful purpose.

3. Staying stuck gets painful, when it’s time to move on

We are so masterful at enduring that if being stuck didn’t suck, we’d endure permanently.

4. On the other side of your mountain, is a very different reality

One where you get to decide your future and the quality of your life. You get to show up as yourself, love your work, value yourself and find happiness, success and fulfilment.

5. That mountain may feel impossible to climb, but it isn’t.

Many have done it before you. Once you hit the top, there is a downhill stretch. For a long time you will ask questions, process, effort and learn. One day it will all start to make more sense. You will get it and there will be no going back, ever.

The rewards from embarking on this journey into the unknown are 100 times what you can imagine from where you are now.

Life is still challenging on the other side, but you are free, because you have the skills to handle those challenges.

Real freedom is not a problem free life, it’s having the skills to handle anything life throws you.

I promise you it gets better from here, if you are willing to be brave, to trust what you know and to start. Message me here.


1.If a person or situation isn’t working for you, love it or them and all will be well

People who are lost and hurting are going to find it difficult to be in a vibration of love, so even if this advice did work, (which it doesn’t), it is ill advised for those whom it is intended to help. 

If someone is already conscious, highly aware and kind, this advice is equally unhelpful. These people already love, even when it is difficult or challenging. Throwing a guilt trip of ‘You’re not loving enough’ on top of someone’s issues is counterproductive.

People are looking for real skills to manage their lives, set boundaries and feel empowered.

They may require pragmatic tools to deal with their sensitivity, connect them with their strength, and an understanding of psychology and why they have certain patterns or blocks. 

TIP: You cannot love problems away, but you can be loving whilst dealing with them. You can also ask for love to flow to you when things are challenging. Read my blog about self love here

2 .If someone hurt you, you need to forgive them so you can heal

My belief is as follows: If someone hurt you, you need to heal and forgive yourself, so you both get free. Forgiveness matters as what we don’t forgive gets stuck inside us, however healing should take precedence over forgiveness every time. Here’s why:

If you make your recovery about the other person and what they did, you dis-empower yourself.

People can’t immediately forgive when deeply hurt and wounded. It is vibrationally and emotionally impossible, so telling someone in this state to forgive, can make them feel like they are wrong and prevent them getting past what happened – sometimes for years.

TIP: Instead of focusing on forgiveness, use your pain and hurt to transform and heal yourself on the deepest level. Be open and brave and get help if you need to. When true self responsibility and healing occurs, forgiveness is a natural by-product.

Please note: I am not saying don’t have compassion for all beings or  (including those who may have hurt us), I am saying, don’t sacrifice your healing in the name of pursuing unattainable ‘forgiveness’.

3. If you are nice to everybody that is what you will get back and life will be good

Spiritually inclined people are gentle, empathetic and prefer to avoid others with harsh energies. One coping strategy to avoid difficult/painful experiences with others is to be nice and look for similarities in others. 

From a Law of Attraction perspective, this is logical and seems like a great idea. Be kind, do good and draw others to you with a similar frequency. That works really well until it doesn’t and often nice, empathetic people struggle the most when dealing with toxic or difficult people.

That is because they lack experience and they may be attributing their own views of life onto others. Perhaps they are unaware, haven’t done the work of dealing with shadow and struggle to hold their own center in the face of negativity, becoming vulnerable in certain situations.

Awareness, is knowing what energy or behavior is required in a situation or with another person. Alignment is being that energy or setting that boundary, even if it means being ‘not nice’ and stepping into our potency.

Someone can be a sweet soul, but also toxic or emotionally unhealthy for us. We all encounter karmic or soul contract connections with others which can be destructive and painful. Toxic folks see kindness as weakness and will make you wrong and take advantage of it. 

TIP: Be aware whoever you are dealing with. Hold a frequency of love and decide where to contribute to others and who to be involved with. Be willing to use all energies and be potent when it’s required. Being a good manager of energy, doesn’t make you ‘not nice’.

If you have taken oaths, vows and promises to always be ‘nice’ in this life time, it can be helpful to heal and address, what your soul has decided it needs to atone for (as we have all been all things at one time or another).

4. Having Money Makes you a bad, un-spiritual person

You don’t have to prove your spiritual authenticity and distain for the institutionalized corruption that surrounds us by being broke. Money allows you to change things. With financial resources you can travel, spread your purpose, meet people and serve humanity.

Abundance contributes ease in all that you do and facilitates you to focus on your gifts. It gives you the power with which to create outside of the existing system and influence others. What do politicians fear more? Broke, hippie healers, or empowered, educated, connected people with spiritual gifts who are nailing life and helping others to do the same? 

Your divine birthright is abundance and you chose to incarnate into this reality where money is the means of exchange. Money is an energy and if you are a healer, you can be good with money. You deserve to be taken care of and to receive from life. If you can’t receive, there is something there you need to take a look at.

TIP: Life wants to support you in living out your purpose effectively. Be willing to receive financial abundance and you can be the highest version of you. 

With money you can assist others, empower and be empowered. Money isn’t evil, it is just a means for exchange and as an light worker or spiritual being, you should receive a fair exchange for the work that you do.


Many of us have experienced feeling powerfully upset or down, due to events that felt bigger than us that seemed overwhelming. 

In the last week I felt something akin to temporary depression with the death of a beloved animal, with whom I had the most powerful, sweetest, loving connection.

As I had many years of powerful depression in the past and learned how to manage and then dissolve this for myself, when I felt distraught and a sense of grief last week, I was able to perceive what was happening and implement certain strategies to deal with it.

Perhaps the following strategies will be helpful to you:


Allow all feelings and emotions without resisting them or freaking out.

Emotions are the soul expressing through our body, so they are genuine.

Feelings are body reactions to conditioned thoughts, that we filter through the lens of our past experiences and they are not real, they are only a bodily sensation that is based in electrical circuitry that quickly passes.

In it’s purest form, negative feelings let us know whether the preceding thoughts are healthy or aligned with our highest self. Positive feelings are aligned with who we really are.

TIP: The more you just allow thoughts, emotions and feelings to just be, the more they will express and release naturally. If you want to examine or explore any further, journaling can be helpful here.


This week, following the passing of my beautiful animal companion, one belief I clocked was:

“Every time I experience true happiness/contentedness/safety, it is taken away”.

It felt heavy and I was able to notice and work through the past experiences that thought was connected to and let them go.

TIP: Feelings are related to thoughts and are an indicator of unhelpful beliefs and old conditioning. Beliefs are thoughts that we keep thinking.


This ISN’T forced positivity and I wish to emphasize this as positivity (ironically) has a really bad reputation right now.

In the above example, I know that life is not punative and I also know that genuine connections aren’t lost with the passing of a body. They may change, but they are still there.

Therefore, I was able to look at the soul contracts between the two of us, see what a massive contribution I was in his world and him in mine, understand what our connection meant on a deeper level and experience immense gratitude for his presence in my life. 

When I consider the growth attached to the timing of this loss for me in terms of preparation for what lies ahead and letting go, I couldn’t continue to stay sad.

I was able to take a look at where I have an attachment to things and to others and see how massive my receiving has become. I was so thankful to experience such a beautiful, pure connection and allow it to be what it is.  

I was able to replace my lack and fearful belief with a richer, more sustaining one:

“I am supported by life and I am able to give and receive extraordinary love”

TIP: When working to change beliefs, let the feeling be a guide to the thought. Write out the negative thought and then ask questions to go beneath this, and get what the attached belief is.

Some people like to burn the piece of paper to signify letting the old belief go, other people like to meditate and imagine stamping the page with a cancelled stamp. Others like to journal or ask their spiritual ‘team’ to heal them and remove the belief from the body and being.


I had my Bars run twice with trusted friends to clear old energies and thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Bars is a body process that works heavily on the neural pathways, the body and the being, allowing massive change to take place.  

I made sure to also eat well, do pilates for back pain and use essential oils relevant to help me connect with and release my emotions.

TIP: The body is the one that facilitates our connection with our emotions and feelings, so it really does need support, whatever that looks like for you. If you don’t know what works for you, try something new.


Experiencing shock, expressing emotion and processing feelings takes energy.

TIP: try to rest more than usual. You can intersperse this with normal routine stuff to stay connected, purposeful and retain some momentum.


This often feels so difficult to do, but after years of practice, it is kind of easy too, so I can ignore that sneaky message in my brain, telling me to cut corners. I find the routines soothing and as I effort, I get present in a way that gives relief.

TIP: Ignoring our self care, just makes us less able to cope. An unhappy body is less energetic and less able to process what is happening effectively.


Getting out on my own, gives me perspective, lets things go and tops up my cup.

For me running burns off stuckness and energizes me, allowing me to think clearly and get things done. It also provides endorphins that allow for more ease and relaxation.

TIP: Oxygenating the body through movement, grounding with earth and experiencing the lack of judgment in nature, is soothing and calming.


I communicate what is happening and allow those people to have my back. This is new for me and I’ve had to learn how to receive it and damn it feels good.

TIP: Inviting those who care to know what we need and support us contributes to us and them.


This not a good time to act out of feelings, as issues that were secondary, can loom large, when the body is out of kilter and we feel vulnerable.

TIP: When emotion is high it can be harder to be objective or decide things as we normally would.


I acknowledge my humanity and allow myself to just go through what is in front of me, the same way I would with a friend. I don’t judge or make myself wrong for it. If something in my diary is too much, I delegate or re-schedule

TIP: Honor your commitments, show up and be vulnerable and honest, yet professional.

If you would like to schedule a session to deal with grief, trauma or situational depression please go here.


Empath Victimhood is rife these days. I see empaths everywhere complaining about how life here on this planet is too painful, everyone takes advantage of them and this reality is abusive and traumatizing.

In many respects, they are right. Anyone who is an empath would relate to those statements, however, Empathy is a superpower and once we discover how to use it to our advantage instead of against ourselves, life can be radically different. I know, because that has been my journey.

My young life was one of pain, trauma, chaos, disempowerment, abuse and eventually self hatred. I found many things that didn’t work to change this. Eventually through dogged persistance, I found the things that would unlock what was buried inside me.

I was one of the lucky ones, I got free and getting others free is now part of my life’s work. Part of that process involved removing trauma from my body, the other part involved learning empowering methods for staying energetically clear of other people’s thoughts, feelings, emotions and energies.

I used some of the tools below from the modality Access Consciousness, to accomplish this change. If you would like to work with me on mastering these tools for you, go here.

1. Don’t go into the wrongness of you

Empaths/sensitives/intuitives always go into the wrongness of them and always put the other person’s distress above their own.

People who have been abused are doubly bad at this. They will take responsibility for someone abusing them, for their own reaction and will try to placate the other person as well.

2. Who does this belong to”?

Any time I feel unduly upset or am blaming myself for something where I am not responsible, or I’m judging me, I immediately stop and ask who those thoughts actually belong to.

It may be my stuff in which case I can take a deeper look at it. Often it may be old scripts I am running that I was conditioned with, or it may be that I am picking up on someone else’s thoughts, feelings and emotions.

3. Return to sender

An immediate way to be free of other’s toxic energies we are picking up on is to return them to sender (with consciousness attached) and move on.

I find this tool so powerful, I can literally feel the change in my body when I do this, particularly if something landed and got in.

This has been the single biggest tool that has helped me as an empath own my own energy and be aware of other’s stuff, but not overwhelmed by it.

4. Clearing Implants and conditioning

If we have asked who something belongs to and returned to sender and it’s clearly our stuff, it can be useful to turn off all implants. Implants are conditioned responses we have been given that are energetically activated by other people.

This can happen where we have a conflict with someone or a conflict of interest or we are allowing ourselves to be manipulated.

Implants relate to many feelings, such as shame, blame, regret, guilt, anger, rage, fury, hatred, fear and self doubt…

5. I began to ask questions about EVERYTHING!

Questions open up and connect neural pathways and invite possibilities to start creating.

What else is possible here, I never considered, how does it get better than this? What’s right about this I’m not getting? Can this be changed, can I change it, how do I change it?

Once I started with these glorious questions, I started in a pragmatic way to tune into my empathetic and clairsentient abilities and use them to my advantage in every facet of my life and living.

I started to grow in confidence, to understand better where others were functioning from. I stopped reacting and resisting or aligning and agreeing to others, but got comfortable perceiving and knowing about them instead.  

I was able to stop taking other’s behavior as personally regardless of what they said/did, as once I could return their energies to sender and tune into my knowing, I was no longer confused or paralysed by the energies of what was happening or overwhelmed.

Tuning into my own knowing gave me so much ease. That meant I could focus on developing my talents and my business, working with clients and becoming a kick ass facilitator, teacher and healer. I became free to connect with and feel my own positive emotion.

6. I had my Bars run – a lot!!

Bars is an incredible body process from Access Consciousness that allows us to release anything stuck in our body, brain or being that is limiting us.

Similar to computers, we store all our experiences (and the associated thoughts, feelings, emotions and memories) as electrical circuitry. Bars clears out the old circuits, so the body, brain and being can be filled with new ways of being and energies.

This electro magnetic component of thought is widely overlooked in traditional therapeutic practice and Bars is the only treatment I’m aware of that literally de-frags or cleans up our human hard drive, allowing us to get free of old patterns easily and create and assimilate rapid change.

For empaths who absorb everything and and who try also to heal others energetically, clearing out old stored responses in their neural pathways, cellular and muscle memory and energy field is vital to their well being.

7. I started seeing everything in my life as a contribution

I stopped being a victim and started seeing myself as a powerful creator of everything I engage with or encounter. This is not a conceited thing, rather it is an acknowledgement that life happens for us and not to us.

We cannot connect with any situation, person or thing, that isn’t relevant for us (and us for them). I began to understand that everything in my life is a result of choices I have made and something isn’t working, I have infinite possibilities available to me from which to choose again.

To discover how to master these tools and others in a private session, or take a class with me, contact me here.


  1. You no longer gossip or judge
  2. You sincerely wish others well and are happy for their success
  3. You know that you are the creator of everything in your experience and no person, thing or experience that isn’t relevant for you, can come across your path.
  4. You are part of the solution, never part of the problem on any topic.
  5. You are hard to trigger, as you have healed most past hurts and have nothing to prove.
  6. Ego is mostly redundant and if it pops up, you quickly recognize it and address what is going on internally.
  7. You have a present/future focus, whilst being immensely grateful for the past.
  8. You aren’t ‘nice’, but you are kind and good to others because you can and it feels good.
  9. You are authentic because it’s the only way to be and you are learning to express yourself directly and with care.
  10. If someone messes with you, you let them know with calm authority that is unacceptable
  11. You don’t live in a state of crisis any more. Your existence is drama free and so is your immediate environment.
  12. You are committed to your life and living and you like it, a lot.
  13. You don’t work, you play and you love it!!
  14. You know what a human, frequency chart is, and you are maintain your vibration in a range that is conducive to a happy present and an abundant, healthy future.
  15. You feel wealthy, no matter what the state of your bank account and you manifest opportunities and abundance effectively.
  16. You are aligned with your goals and you have a purpose that lights you up, sets your hair on fire and gets you leaping out of bed each morning.
  17. You have become discerning about the company you keep and whilst you like to assist others, it is only from a full cup. Your friends support you to do/be better.
  18. You listen to your body and do what it requires.
  19. You have FUN on the daily
  20. You respect others, you gave up control a long time ago and you legitimately understand that all bad behavior is a result of pain and there is no need to respond to it unless you choose.
  21. You are valued and loved (by yourself and others) and you acknowledge your human needs.
  22. You are fully responsible for all your choices, decisions and the outcomes and you don’t blame.
  23. You follow people who inspire you and lift you up and you know some of them.
  24. You don’t worship money nor fear it. You know it’s just an energy you can receive easily and you aren’t afraid to create more.
  25. You are working to enhance your strengths and minimize or improve anything that bothers you.
  26. You quickly deal with problems or upsets and you are resilient and resourceful.
  27. You have a growth mindset and believe that everything can be changed. You know neuroplasticity is real and energy can be altered.
  28. You contribute to others and commune with them. Communing is a state of alignment and expansion that dominates many of your professional and personal encounters.
  29. You appreciate everything, even your fuck ups and challenges.
  30. You know pain is an invitation to become greater. You welcome pain because on the other side of processing it honestly, is expansion and ultimately freedom.
  31. You know life has a purpose and that you are divinely supported and you trust in yourself and something greater than you.
  32. You know others will consistently be who they are and whilst you are trusting, you trust your gut more and you are never naive.
  33. You have stable and open friendships and relationships with others. You don’t look for love, you are love.


People we are close to may share their feelings, make requests of us or share awarenesses given our permission, however no one in our circle has the right to judge us. (You can read Part 1 of this article here).

This doesn’t mean we are exempt from judgment and often judgment comes from external sources, those in our extended circles or even strangers. This piece is for those who are empathetic or sensitive, as they are naturally affected by judgment and require effective techniques to deal well with it.

People may have a knowing that something we are doing could use a little work, however there is a difference between delivering that kindly, and inviting us to improve, versus angrily, with a huge charge around it or in a way that disempowers or upsets.

The following are eight tools from the modality Access Consciousness that I use in my own life and with clients and students. (You can find more about working with me using these tools here).

1. Say “Thank you for that judgment” and walk away or cease the conversation.

At that point, a normal person has to stop and then defend their judgment, because you have exposed it as such, to everyone in ear shot.

2. To stop an angry tirade in it’s tracks, agree with the judgment

This feels uncomfortable when we first try it, because we want to fight to prove the judgment wrong, and usually we can’t handle the thought that someone has misunderstood us, or is perhaps being unkind.

Instead say to someone “You’re right, I’m a terrible person, how can I possibly make up for all the damage I have caused”? This will stop them point blank. At that stage, most people will say “You’re not a bad person, you just didn’t know you were doing it” and stop being mean.

That buys us time to diffuse a situation, think about things and decide how to proceed from there. This tool might not resonate for everyone, but for those who have enormous trouble stopping a situation from unfolding, this might be a step forwards from increasing hostilities or running away.

3. Put your barriers down and be space instead

When judged, our natural inclination is to fight, push back and defend. If you are strong enough to resist this urge and put your energetic ‘barriers’ down instead. (This is totally counter intuitive), and you will find that there is nothing for the bully to rattle your cage with.

In fact if they try to push up against your barriers and there is nothing there, they will almost literally and metaphorically fall forwards in front of you. This part gets almost entertaining to watch, because these tools, really work.

4. Remember Anger can be a control mechanism

When someone is doing anger dynamically, it is a control mechanism. It’s okay for someone to be angry, it is a normal and natural emotion. However, there is a difference between acting anger out and sharing feelings in a forthright and respectful manner.

Don’t confuse anger and potency. It is possible to communicate feelings, requests or standards with enormous potency and energy of clarity, calm and power. This is 180 degrees different from someone throwing their weight around and reacting to a person or situation.

5.  Return the energy of the judgment to sender

You may need to do this once or many times. Send it with consciousness attached (this is a contribution to the other person if they can receive it). If they can’t it doesn’t matter as you are inviting them to become aware. They are either ready or not.

I usually find for me as soon as I return the energy of the judgment, I feel lighter, freer and more relaxed. I have practiced this tool so often that I feel it leaving the cells of my body. There is more involved in this technique. To book your private session with me, go here.

6. Clear any implants activated by the person or their judgments

Often judgments carry with them implants that if left unawares can continue to affect us. These can be cleared pretty easily with the right tool.

Judgments can also activate old energetic states, conditioning or traumas, so it’s good to be aware of this or seek help from a facilitator trained in spiritual psychology if this is going on for you.

This may happen following a fight or confrontation that has you feeling stuck and upset, when you just can’t seem to disengage and get free of it.  Contact me here to help with this.

7. Decide if the judgment is true for you

When judgment lands (is truthful and honest in it’s content), it hurts or makes us angry.

If a judgment doesn’t resonate, we won’t react at all, nor will care about it, although we may feel upset about someone’s behavior or treatment of us, or they may have revealed some aspects of them we didn’t know about.  

A judgment tells you about the person making it. People always accuse others of what they themselves are doing. And people are always keenly aware of flaws in others if they possess these characteristics or have done so in the past.

Processing judgments may also provide an opportunity to self examine, grow our knowledge of self and heal or move forwards.

Any of those scenarios is a contribution, although not immediately easy to deal with and potentially painful if we are vulnerable, learning to improve ourselves, or be more aware.

8. Take Action appropriate for you

When a judgment is false, discard it, although you may wish to retain the awareness about the person making it.

When a judgment is true and is ‘sticking’ us, we have some options as to how to dismantle it and we may even have some work of our own to do as a result.

Sometimes when we know someone well and they want to hurt us, they may already know where our insecurities lie and may even take a shot at those if they are feeling miserable or low. Just know that people don’t do this from a good place.

This doesn’t condone the judgment, it just helps you know where it was coming from. If something feels painful long after it was said, this is a matter for our attention. If we have returned the energy to sender, turned off implants and it’s still haunting us, it may have been accurate.

If you don’t like something about you and you can acknowledge that, you can change it. If it was a wound or trauma that was stirred up, you can heal it.

You are in charge and you get to decide what is best for you. Both of these options take courage and lead to us growing and getting free of our past.

If you are looking for assistance with changing or healing contact me.  


As Russell Brand says “We have a biological imperative to give a damn what other people think about us”. What he is saying is that we are programmed to scan our environment for threats real or imagined, psychological or physical and monitor them.

In our ‘civilized’ society in the absence of saber tooth tigers, that daily threat activating our fright or flight chemistry, is often gossip and judgment from other people.

Whilst a percentage of the population can brush that off without a care in the world, for empaths, or those who perceive energy and are physiologically wired for sensitivity, they simply cannot.

To these people, emotional wounding experienced through receiving judgment is so intense, it is like a physical trauma, (scientists have now proven this as accurate). The strong sensations accompanying someone bad vibing them, are often so acute, that negotiating a ‘normal’ existence is cripplingly painful.

Those individuals often end up suicidal, depressed and mistrustful of themselves and others. They are extremely fearful and anxious about ‘normal’ situations like going to work or socializing.

I used to be one of those people. I no longer am and I haven’t been for a long time.

So, how did I achieve this miraculous change? It’s partly about resetting your physiology and your inner wiring. It’s also about learning how to direct things differently (in terms of conscious thoughts, feelings and emotions) as you go about resetting your nervous system.

I don’t know if many people who suffer in this way are aware that this change is even an option for them. I am here to tell you, if I can do it, you can as well – anyone can. I am not special for doing this.

However, this journey isn’t for the faint hearted. If you want it badly enough, it is yours for the taking. It is however, a tough journey and unraveling all that crap, might well be the hardest thing you will ever do. In the process you will discover who you are on a soul and cellular level. You will face things you never thought you’d have to and you will begin to understand people and the human condition and develop massive compassion, strength and wisdom.

The rewards of choosing these changes will be greater than anything you have ever imagined. Releasing ourselves from our triggers and the burden of dragging our past with us is a phenomenal thing. Getting out of constant emotional pain and misery, underachievement and self hatred is an enormous relief. Feeling like a victim who is able to be pushed around by anyone, is a torture no one deserves to endure.

Many people are suffering, because when they were young, they saw and experienced things they weren’t equipped to handle. Maybe they were loved, but their parents were addicted, dysfunctional or incompetent. That isn’t judgment, it is a loving awareness and is true for many people. Usually their parent’s parents were also traumatized and maybe emotionally incompetent too.

When I say I am no longer one of those people, I still identify as an empath. I am a healer, clairsentient and am extremely sensitive. I am no longer crippled by feeling physically wounded by others who direct nasty energy or emotions at me. Nor by stressful situations, disappointments, feeling helpless or at the effect of life. In fact despite facing challenges like everyone does, these days, I feel pretty powerful.

Judgment (mostly) floats straight past me. I’m aware of it and willing to receive it. Poor behavior isn’t mine to deal with and it’s difficult for others to activate past pain pathways inadvertently or deliberately as I’ve not only healed an enormous amount, I’m learning self mastery and becoming expert at changing the energy of a situation or looking for opportunities where I used to see pain.

There is a lot to all of this, obviously. For me the psychological approaches alone didn’t work. The energy that used to ‘get in’ and wound me (because I had years of past trauma stored in the cells of my body and being). No amount of thinking my way out of it, (or telling myself it’s no one else’s business what anyone else thinks of me), could stop that process from energetically happening.

It also didn’t seem realistic to me that meditation was the appropriate tool for changing this. I discovered at that time, I couldn’t meditate (being at one with that pain made the practice intolerable for me and I couldn’t concentrate anyway).

I work today with many who I recognize as having a similar or varying degrees of trauma that requires physical processing and treatments, in conjunction with other means for creating lasting relief.

This deals directly with the source of the issue where it is stored in the body – the neural pathways, energy field, cellular and muscle memories. I also teach my clients and students how to work with energy to change anything and we use a combination of traditional psychology, spiritual psychology, science and metaphysics to achieve empowerment and freedom for them.

When psychology was the only option, or even once my body was getting free, knowing that a person judging me was a total shitcunt, didn’t let me off the hook in terms of comforting my grieving inner child or empowering my then ill equipped adult self, that used to feel rendered instantly paralysed in the face of a bully.

Not only that, bullies could read in my energy field and body language the sum total of my past experience and I was literally like a slow moving target.

This is one of the reasons that these often beautiful, incredible and conscious human beings experience trauma over and over again until they heal.

Read Part 2 on How to Deal with Judgment here


Rapid and sustainable personal change and spiritual development is very possible these days.

With cutting edge tools and new information available, and upgrades in the collective consciousness, the speed of the vibration here on earth is rapidly increasing. Our options for who/how we want to become and for managing that change process are also upgrading. 

Many of us who came here to choose transformation and enlightment, or to be a light worker (escorting in those changes), are now finding that is unfolding, almost seemingly, despite ourselves.  

It can seem as if we are being almost forced into stepping up and choosing change. As a friend joked this afternoon, it’s as though we have been ‘hijacked’ by the Universe.

The truth is light worker or not, none of us ever feels ready for change when it ‘happens’ although we may become competent at recognizing the signs and allowing.

On the surface of it, we are experiencing inner pain as a result of external events. What is really happening is our purpose is emerging and everything as we’ve known it before is breaking down.

This change may be accompanied by emotional crisis and it requires addressing in a real, urgent and insistent fashion.  

“The bit before the breakthrough, feels like a breakdown” – Dr Dain Heer”

Whilst this is presenting as a mental health crisis collectively, (and it is) there is also a bigger picture at play. A new world order is gradually taking effect, and it’s emergence requires a sustainable physical and emotional landscape.

Old heavy, entrained and toxic ways of the past, must go, so that a new, interconnected, loving, responsible, futuristic society, can emerge.

Set against this chaotic collective unfolding, the personal change journey is bittersweet, extraordinary, humbling, intense and incredible undertaking.

The Universe is incredibly gentle and kind with re-directing us on our pathway, until we resist and even once we do. However, if we insist on staying stuck, I’ve noticed that the prompts and ‘opportunities’ to shift timelines, become increasingly relentless, uncomfortable and intense.

Ultimately, everything around us breaks apart and like a shipwreck survivor on a life raft, we reach out for help.

Once we embrace the way forwards, we tend to feel a sense of relief, or knowing. We may start to see the bigger picture and acknowledge it. The sense of purpose that envelops us along the way and Universal prompts, gives us a certainty that helps buffer us, when the pain comes and we experience the fire of rebirth.

Many are dealing with traumas, old emotional patterns coming up to release and people falling out of our lives who are no longer a match. As vibrational upgrades happen, it can seem as if our inner world is shifting on it’s axis.

There may be external issues requiring our attention, but these are of secondary importance unless except as tools to hone our observation of self and our learning experiences.

We are being prompted to acquire a level of emotional mastery to help us with this unraveling. Many are seeking answers in the spiritual realm to guide us and assist with understanding our individual and collective purpose at this time.

Here are some themes that are coming up in the change process and how you can negotiate them:


Resistance is a peculiar beast. It’s like a protection mechanism when we are very uncomfortable with the changes we are making and with the amount that the new us showing up and putting ourselves out there.

As we get freer, we inevitably take risks, more responsibility and accountability. We indulge less in avoidance behaviors, addictions, or perhaps our health is improved, our income grows. We don’t rely on the same excuses, or not as much.

Resistance is natural and it is our ego (or our reptilian brain) keeping us safe from the discomforting effects of change. It’s important when in it’s grip, that we reach out, maintain good self care, habits and continue forwards. We will have throw back moments, hours and days, but they will reduce.

Resistance is a sign that things are working. However, consistency is key, as is allowance for mistakes. There is no right nor wrong. It is a journey and everything is about choice. It takes courage and some mettle to maintain our resolve and keep course correcting, where necessary.

TIP: In the face of strong resistance, stop fighting. Allow it to come up and overwhelm you. Feel into it, speak to it directly. Thank it for keeping you safe and stuck. Tell it you have got this now and it can go. Send it on it’s way. You will feel it loosen and diminish it’s hold on you.

If you drop the ball, get out of the wrongness of you and learn self kindness in the process. It’s a wonderful skill to cultivate.


We can be messed up sad, and angry one minute and calm and light the next. We really aren’t taught this. We are taught to hold an angry space and persist in that and even to defend it, or if someone is sad, they’ll be that way for a while.

Energy is instantaneous and emotions can change quickly too. Now I’m not suggesting we are unstable and changing like the weather every 10 seconds. What I am suggesting is don’t keep throwing good energy after bad.

If you get to a place where what you’re doing isn’t working, change it. It’s okay to do so. You are allowed to learn new ways of responding and to experiment with mastering your state, whatever that looks like for you.

TIP: We will have primary emotional patterns and it can feel very disruptive when they start to dislodge and we’re not sure if we can just step out of them and into a new vibe or space. We totally can.

Be in a supportive space around others you can trust and take time on your own through this process. This will develop your resilience, self awareness and confidence.


Almost all of my clients report this. Beautiful moments, ‘chance’ meetings and opportunities, new connections and friendships and support from unexpected places are just some of these.  

There may even be spiritual experiences, that may feel natural and normal, given the level of commitment to out creating previous challenges, developing an understanding of our inner world and creating a different future.  

TIP: Once we are aligned with soul driven change and we are following our purpose, people, places and things show up to support us.

Stay open to receiving and being out there. Life has your back and you’ve got this. You are brave for embarking on this stage of the journey, and you know what you’re doing on the deepest level.  



“If it is to be, it’s up to me” – William H Johnsen

I get it, you may have had insane parents, you may have been abused, and traumatized. Maybe your partner is unkind and doesn’t understand you and you feel trapped.

You may have struggled, endured, been neglected and unloved. Maybe you made mistakes based off not knowing how to cope with situations and you experienced humiliation and powerlessness.  Perhaps you had a difficult upbringing and had lousy, dysfunctional beliefs passed onto you. You may have been ill, broke, sexually assulted, marginalized, put down, bullied at school or even at work.

I had one of the worst possible starts emotionally, in my life. There came a point though where I told myself “If you are such a victim and are as awesome as you think you are then, YOU DO something to show that”. “Overcome what you have been through, to create the life that YOU desire”. And over time, that’s what I did.

TIP: It doesn’t matter how you got to today, what matters is what YOU DO, from here on out. Those people who hurt you before you knew how to handle their behavior, aren’t responsible for living the rest of your life, you are. You have the legacy you have and that can be a motivating factor in creating crazy success!


I have all my life believed in changing/healing anything I am not happy with, either within myself or a part of my life. I experienced the effects of neuroplasticity, setting goals and achieving them and changing things (mainly) through my own will power, from very young.  

Even when I was older and felt stuck and traumatized, I didn’t give up searching for my answers and my freedom.

Funnily enough, I only realized recently that other people believe that many factors in their lives are permanent. This came as a shock to me, but it makes sense now.

Many people lives of quiet desperation in which they are chronically ill, poor, or in a loveless marriage and they accept that, because they don’t understand they can change it, or it seems too hard/scary or overwhelming to change it.

Their life seems like a mould laid out for them, that they fall into and endure it to it’s logical conclusion, without ever considering if it could be different, or how it could be improved.

These people accept the beliefs they were given, not understanding that beliefs are optional and you can change them and adopt your own, more positive and uplifting beliefs.

TIP: What you think is a function of your beliefs, how you feel is a function of what you think, and what you feel and think determines your actions, your self-worth and what you can receive and the types of experiences, opportunities and people that show up in your life.

All of that is up to you and can be changed.


“Your point of view creates your reality, your reality doesn’t create your point of view” – Gary Douglas

Some of us have never actually questioned our beliefs, however, we may be aware we think negatively sometimes.

“A belief is just a thought you keep thinking” Abraham Hicks

I like to think of our beliefs as the software we are running. It’s important to understand that to change your software, you need to wipe the old software, before you put a new software program in place.

In order to deactivate old thought programs and processes, we must either destroy or atrophy old neural pathways. Destroying can be done rapidly, through something like Access Bars, or more slowly via identifying them and consciously ignoring them. Both cause the electrical circuitry around those thoughts to dissipate.

Identifying and changing troublesome beliefs is not an easy thing to do and a great Coach, Access Consciousness Facilitator or Spiritual Psychologist can help us with this. To book a Bars or spiritual psychology session with me, message me here. Apply for a free Discovery (Life Coaching) session here.

TIP: You know how some things are effortless for you and some things are hard? Imagine the thought process you have about the easy things, now start telling yourself similar thoughts about the hard things. If you can leave alone the old beliefs that it is too hard, you will be amazed at what shows up differently.  

Believe it is too hard and it is too hard. Believe it is easy and you will be amply rewarded as old things suddenly implode and make for a much easier present reality.


I have achieved far more in my life time than someone from my emotionally chaotic background ever should have. As a result of changing the toxic beliefs I used to hold and healing much of my traumas and hurts, I know I am supposed to be here. I know that life is supposed to be an awesome experience.

TIP: Circumstances are external things only and are temporary. They are a START LINE in life, not the FINISH LINE. Circumstances don’t DEFINE you. Where you START in life, doesn’t determine where you END UP.

Everyone has set backs and challenges, it’s how we deal with those that is the critical factor in determining our future.


“Peace of mind is not a problem free life, peace of mind is possessing the skills to handle any problem”- unknown

I still remember when I clicked to the fact that I could learn to reframe challenges as prompts to outcreate the old version of me. Although I always knew things could be changed, it took me a while to understand HOW to change them.

Something shifted in my world and I got excited as I began to understand once I could use challenges as opportunities, I would be free. Not free from problems, but free from ill effects.

TIP: The radical thing is, once you have developed this skill set, you don’t respond from fear and you trust life and trust yourself to deal with things. This inner relaxation actually allows us to be less anxious and more effective where it counts most.

The more you apply problem solving and exploring how you can grow and what each thing has taught you, you stop becoming a victim and you start developing self mastery. This is a muscle we build like any other and if I can do this, anyone can.


If something is painful, it’s not right for you and you are being prompted to change. We may be prompted to shift how we are seeing something, or the thing itself.

TIP: When we are comfortable, unless we are extraordinarily disciplined and self aware, we don’t grow.

Embrace your pain, dive into it and explore it. It is a minefield of information. This is counterintuitive and takes courage. On the other side of embracing pain, lies freedom.


I spent years in a state of self hatred, stuckness, feeling ill, vulnerable and in despair. I was depressed, anxious and felt hopeless and trapped. In the course of changing myself and getting to where I love my life, am consistently healthier and emotionally empowered, I learned a thing or two.

Here’s six ways you can begin to get free and challenge the status quo. If you are stuck right now, I trust they will resonate with you in some way and offer you some insight into what you have been choosing and how you can go forwards differently.

1. Do something Different

“You can’t fix your problems with the same thinking that created them” –  Albert Einstein

If everything you’ve done/chosen/been in your life has got you to this point and you’re not happy where you are at, if things aren’t working for you and it’s been that way (honestly) for ages, it’s time to be different.

“Continuing to do the same thing whilst expecting a different result equals insanity” – Albert Einstein.

Although we can often recognize when you are at a place where maybe you can’t go on, knowing what to do when maybe you are paralysed with disempowerment, fear and the weight of stuckness is another matter altogether. There is importantly though, a huge freedom in reaching this point and saying “Enough”!!!

It doesn’t necessarily matter what you do differently to begin with, what’s more important is that you make a change. Any direction gets you out of the stuckness and any change will yield some sort of feedback/momentum that allows you to re-evaluate and gain some kind of traction.

I know when you’re at this place, everything feels super significant and almost paralysingly difficult. Just go forwards somehow, you can course correct later on.

2. Listen to the quiet voice within

Sometimes we are super stubborn and/or super lost. It’s like nothing’s working and that seems sudden because we are in it. The fact is, things haven’t been working for ages, it’s just that you’ve had resistance to changing and life is re-directing you, hence why you can’t go on in the same way any longer.

If all else fails, if you are alone, feeling rejected, maybe sick or broke too and things seem hopeless, it might be time to ask your higher self or your soul a few questions. I did that before I left an old destructive relationship. I asked my soul “Should I stay or go”? (I wanted to stay more than anything as I loved where I was, just not the situation).

My soul immediately answered “If you stay, you’ll die”. That single moment, gave me such clarity and awareness, I knew what I had to do. I’d tried analyzing my way out of what was broken, I tried blaming (myself and him), I tried fixing, avoiding, I had asked for help. I also took an opinion poll from all my friends and family. None of it worked, because I wasn’t supposed to stay.

Some of us don’t have healthy families, some of us don’t have support systems. We live in a sick culture. We are frequently disconnected. When nothing is panning out, it’s time to go within for our own answers. They are there, waiting for you to ask the questions.

The ultimate authority in your life, should be you (not the egoic, tired, day to day, human version of you – which we all have), the infinite, light, free and wise version of you, that knows what’s in your best interests.

Sound crazy to do this? I can guarantee, it’s not half as crazy as carrying on stuck and miserable. Sometimes what we resist most is what will set us free.

3. Get ruthlessly honest – with you and make a decision to change, no matter what!

Have you got a habit of driving wonderful people to the brink of insanity – and out of your life? Are you always needy beyond what any one person can reasonably provide you? Are you difficult? Is your life a constant ode to disaster and chaos, (or are some aspects of your life constantly troublesome)? The common factor is YOU my friend.

Do you judge others constantly (and yourself also)? Are you perfectionistic and correspondingly miserable? Do you feel like a fraud if you’re successful and quickly bring yourself back down to mediocrity?

Are your intimate relationships co-dependent and destructive? Do your friends change constantly? Do you have trouble keeping some mental issues from intervening in your work? Are you depressed and anxious and what seems to ‘fix it’ for others doesn’t work for you?

Is NOW the time to own it? So you can have an easier, happier, more peaceful existence?

Have your best efforts so far failed to keep you from mastering what isn’t working for you? Are you constantly perplexed as to why life seems tough and other people (lots of them) respond to you why they do?

“Emotional self honesty gives us the key to self mastery and lays the groundwork for empowerment and personal freedom” Rose Aitken

Once you own it, you can change it. As much as we may think it’s everyone else’s fault or that we are the victim in our own existence, that is never true. You are in charge now and how that plays out is up to you.

4. Ask for help and guidance, reach out and be willing to receive whatever shows up

Reach out to someone you can trust. Pick someone who will listen and receive you without judgment. Say where you are at and what’s going on. Ask for them to hold space for you. Find out how they keep it together or what they do to have a life that works for them.

Trust you will be guided to someone wise and ask for help to find that person. Remain very open. Good things never show up the way we think they are going to, and we limit our receiving very much, by thinking that they do…

Explore new modalities, methods, ideas and possibilities. If what you’ve been doing isn’t working, it’s time for something else. Life is about progression and change and when we are troubled it’s very easy to become stagnant as a defense mechanism. It is never a good one and just puts us at more of a disadvantage.

5. Realize you control your thinking. Stop being neurotic, defending yourself to others and being negative

Sometimes if we want to get well, beat that eating disorder or stop our self defeating behaviors, we need to stop being so reactive to things. If we want to start becoming emotionally strong and stable, we have to stop being neurotic, needy and negative.

What do I mean by this? Stop thinking everything someone says to you is a put down, because you put yourself down and you compare yourself to them and find yourself lacking. That isn’t the other person’s fault and they probably have no idea how you feel.

Stop making yourself a victim to everything and everyone. Although life happens for you and not to you, life is also remarkably neutral. If you choose to think negatively, life will happily match you with people who do the same thing, confirming your past poor experiences and self beliefs.

If you consistently hold in place negative thoughts, you won’t be a match for happy people. You will drive anyone awesome out of your life and wonder why what shows up is negative people, places and things. I frequently see good people confused about their struggles, whilst their inner self talk and habits are devastatingly destructive.

If you project your ill feelings of yourself onto others, stop it. What you are doing is a form of narcissism. It takes humility to go “You know what, I’m sick of being messed up and making everything about me, I’m sure life has my back and I can put my head down and bravely get on with being the best me possible”.

Guess what happens when we do that? Life will meet us there and rewards us amply for our courage, perseverance and honesty. And yes, this is scary and raw and we have to face up to our old stories and where we have limited ourselves. It’s not half as scary as being permanently stuck, depressed and paralysed by own crap.

6. Get a coach

Most people still have no idea how a life coach can help them, or assist them to change their lives for the better. Having someone in your corner that has your back in every respect, who sees your true genius and can call you on your stuff is gold. We could all use a coach to help us with our mindset, to accomplish greater, feel better and to get more out of life, no matter where we are at.

Coaching is not negatively focused like therapy, although an effective coach can counsel you and help you dynamically change anything, whilst empowering you and showing you what you need to know to thrive.

This includes steering you through your deepest emotional challenges with skill and expertise, whilst holding a supportive space for you to make changes and leading you through them with kindness and compassion.

A good coach knows when to push and when to allow and knows exactly where you are at and what’s required to get to where you want to go. They will have been there themselves, worked their way through it and can inspire you with their own example.

Phenomenal coaches sense where you have skill gaps and can importantly, teach you the empowering tools you need to know, to become the person you know you can be.

If you want to discuss your future today, book here


Lately, I’ve had a plethora of clients with social anxiety.

In social settings they feel a sense of disconnection around others, being stressed, not fitting in and of being locked into their own thoughts. What they want is to be enjoying themselves, feeling confident, comfortable and having fun.

What these clients have in common, is a flow of negative thoughts that causes physical tension and upset feelings. This exempts them from ease in talking to others, from relaxing or participating in social activities and feeling comfortable out publically or in groups of their peers.

Anxiety is only ever the symptom of something deeper. The cause of their symptoms is something different for everyone and something I work one on one with, to help clients shift and clear.

Sensitivity to what is going on around us channeled correctly, helps develop resilience and massive awareness of other people and is actually a huge advantage. I assist people to begin to use their ability in this way, instead of being at the effect of it.

Here are some strategies that can make it easier to handle social anxiety.


When we focus on getting to know others, we feel more relaxed, as we don’t have to talk. Not only that, it is an easy way to build connection as when we are sincerely interested in others, they think we are wonderful people.

The obvious way to do this is to ask open ended questions, listen well to the answers and to reflect back what we have heard.

The magic in this is once we lose ourselves in it, we feel like a kind, interesting individual. If we can switch from our own head into being really present with the other person, we also tend to ease up on our anxiety.

TIP: This requires us to step out of the energy of our pain and limitation and expand into sincerely thinking of others. For me this was a decision and took a bit of courage. If I was comfortable enough to go in the first place, this usually worked and it built my confidence over time.


Something I’ve observed frequently when hosting group events in which I know the other members, is that it’s always the chronically anxious members that piss each other off.

They get annoyed when another person didn’t acknowledge them, or put them at ease. At first this seemed petty and annoyed me, but then I realized it was enlightening.

Each person was so needy and locked into their own pile of poop, they blamed the other, when each was going through the same thing. Instead of helping or displaying empathy, they judged one other, projecting insecurity outwards and feeling angry and fearful.

TIP: Be brave enough to be empathetic. All the years I was anxious, I was either rude or made others uncomfortable with my behavior. It wasn’t my intention, but anxiety made me a selfish asshole, oblivious to other’s feelings.

I thought how I was suffering was more significant than anyone else’s right to enjoy a special occasion or have fun and I was totally wrong.

I don’t say this to belittle or embarrass you if you are an anxious person. There comes a time when we want to be well, more than we want to be powerless to our symptoms. This is an attitude adjustment that can support this change.


Imagine how the best version of you would behave if you weren’t anxious.

How would you take charge of your behavior and the situation? How much would you be able to care for others? How much would you be aware of everyone else in the room?

How much sparkle, fun, humor, great conversation and good times could you create and enjoy? I guarantee your anxious experiences have equipped you to feel out others and contribute to them effectively.

This is a heart centred approach that allows you to connect energetically with who you know you can be and also with others. If we can perceive a future possibility, it is something that is available to us, if we do the work.

TIP: Bringing in aspects of the future you, allows you to thrive in a social setting now, based on what you bring to it. This gets enhanced and projected back at you by other’s responses.

That positive feedback assists you to feel amazing and to get free and stay free.


Instead of giving your power away and wondering what others are thinking negatively about you, take a radical paradigm shift and wonder who you are drawn to instead.

One of the traps of having a ‘disorder’ is that we start to become a chronic victim and to forget we are powerful at all.

This is never true. Anxiety is always, always a source of information that the body is giving us. Learn to work with that to become powerful and you will save yourself years in the therapist’s office.

Look for the energy in the room that feels expansive to you, see who looks/feels interesting to get to know. Gravitate towards that…

TIP: If we can just take a breather from our anxiety for long enough to connect with our preferences, what we invariably find is that they are an indicator of what is a safe, happy and interesting in a situation for us.


Take something nice with you to your next social occasion and enjoy sharing this. It is a starting point for conversation. It also sets up a beautiful energy for people to receive you.

I know with SA, taking a gift or buying something to share with everyone can be terrifying. Imagine how awesome the other person(s) will feel receiving, instead of focusing on wretched you feel.

If you hate small talk, change your attitude. Instead of seeing it as something trivial and irritating that is forced on you, see it as a social lubricant and art form you can master.

Wonder what you can say that would make others comfortable or to make them giggle (Ironically in the process you will feel comfortable or giggly too. Imagine what it would be like to be so adept at it, you shined whenever it was required.

TIP: How can you contribute to every situation that you are in, in a way you have never contemplated before? Contributing makes us feel good and it forces us to step out of limitation and into greater. With anxiety we usually take or hide and that can be a habitual pattern.


Your awareness is a kick ass weapon. When we are in an anxious state we tend to be closed and concluding and deciding things and blocking all inwards or incoming sources of information.

Questions open things up and change where we function from in our minds. For example “I’m no good at this, no one wants to speak to me”, could become “What a lovely party, I wonder how many interesting people I can meet tonight”?

“I wonder how great I really am at interacting with others”? “How kind and funny am I really, that I have never perceived before”? “What can I do to make this the most fun evening ever for me and everyone else too”?

These questions are only examples and this is a more advanced tool for someone who is getting a handle on things. However it’s good to have many tools in our toolbox when it comes to dismantling something like anxiety.

TIP: Sometimes trying something new out in an easy moment, and sensing that it may work for us, allows us a sense of freedom and empowerment, that wasn’t there before.

As you can see, there are many tools and strategies to change the space we hold in a social setting, to intervene in our typical/ingrained chemistry and default responses to things.

If you would like to discuss your anxiety or how any of these or other strategies could help you and open up new possibilities, please connect here.


There are many people who are toxic or harmful to be around these days. Always these people are masquerading as ‘normal’ members of society (they wouldn’t get their needs met otherwise).

 We like to think we spot such people early, but sometimes we don’t. I have found there are two types people who seem to have more challenges with this:

1. People who are genuinely kind hearted and just don’t see it. They assume everyone is like them, or at least would mean them no harm.

These people are a bit naïve perhaps, but are very loving and naturally supportive. These people focus on people’s good qualities and make assumptions such as “She seems so nice, so fun, so warm”, “She has a good job, so she must communicate well and can’t be that chaotic after all.

The trouble here is who the person truly is and how they are behaving (some of the time), doesn’t match with who the other person has decided they must be. We are very good at attributing certain characteristics to people who we decide fit certain boxes.

2. People who have had trauma in their past, who have had dysfunctional, abusive or chaotic relationships and families.

This group tolerates poor behavior and explains away red flags like champions, as they’ve had to, to survive. Unfortunately toxic individuals can sense this and love to take advantage of it.

These individuals may be unsupported in their lives and vulnerable and narcs sense this. They are also needy, because of their past experiences and therefore they may place an extreme importance on friendship and may have a misguided loyalty to those who least deserve it.

People who fall into both of these categories, are doubly at risk. However, there is hope for these individuals if they are open to grow and learn, rather than getting crushed by their experiences of toxic people. They can take all of this information and integrate it into wisdom to become almost ‘narcissist proof’.

This would be by way of understanding behavioral cues, acknowledging red flags, owning their own feelings that something is off and setting boundaries that they enforce regardless of any mitigating factors.

It’s also about not going into self doubt and NOT placing a sense of compassion for the narcs struggles ahead of our own well-being. We must trust that if we do our inner work, we will be on the right path for more loving individuals to show up.


❓ Truth, is this person a contribution to me?

❓ Truth, what is this funny energy/thing that I’m aware of?

❓Is this friendship working for me?

❓ Is it time to move on now with truth and grace?

❓ What’s required here?

❓ Can this be changed?

❓ Can I change it?

❓ Do I need to cut this person lose?

❓ Am I willing to tolerate this?

❓ How much am I willing to tolerate?

❓ Who does this ‘funky feeling’ belong to? Is it mine?

The purpose of the questions is to become focused and aware of what we know, that we haven’t acknowledged, because we have been deceived or misled, or we haven’t yet fully clicked on to what is happening.

Depending on how well we know someone, narcs can keep up a front for typically about 12 weeks, or in a less immediate/intimate friendship for up to a year/eighteen months.

There is often a difficulty when people feel a sense of loyalty to the narcissist. It’s a big shift from trusted friend to “Omg, you’re really, truly like that”???

It’s often a shock, to discover that someone you have held in high regard is really capable of treacherous thoughts or behaviors. Or perhaps, they have been manipulating or judging us this whole time, or they have a disorder that they have been masking.

This can be very surreal as you may share many friends in common with this toxic individual. You may be the first or only person to have uncovered these traits, or who’s gotten to know them well enough to see this aspect of them.

They may be professionally well regarded, or others may think this individual is wonderful. You must realize this is a function of your ability to create connections with others and to see what is real. Don’t assume this is a wrongness of you (which is what the narc is hoping will happen).

When the truth is uncovered, it can seem very sudden and confusing. We can feel vulnerable trying to extricate ourselves – like trying to exit a minefield. Backpedaling, or implementing boundaries once we are entangled with them can seem futile.

There are strategies that work well. One is an immediate withdrawal, with as little explanation as possible. This takes a strength of character and self confidence, not to be suckered into responding to them and not to feel sorry for their ‘confusion’. They will likely have experienced this before from many people before you.

The second is to sit back and observe. The first option is often preferable, as once we’ve seen what is, we really don’t need to confirm it and funnily enough at that point there is often a flurry of damaging behavior, so if we stick around, it goes downhill fast.

NEVER enter into an argument with a narcissist and NEVER try to obtain an apology or rational explanation for their behavior. In my experience they are incapable of either of those things.

A real apology looks like this…

  • I’m so sorry,
  • I was wrong,
  • How can I possibly put things right?

A narcissist apology looks like this:

If you do go down the route of pointing out to a narc how their behavior has affected you or someone else, be prepared for all hell to break lose.

You will be wrong and bad, you will be a ‘terrible’ person and on and on…This is why the first strategy is far more effective. Although, if you pick the messy route, you will soon discover (often sickeningly too late) that you were correct.

If you have had a recent narc experience, especially one that got ugly, here’s what you can do to move forwards:

💚 Cease all contact with that person immediately

💚 Maintain your other relationships with care and be aware where the narcissist may try to do you damage in mutual friendships. (If that is the case, those friendships weren’t worth having either).

Sometimes the Universe will give us a ‘clean out’ and this is very tough at the time, however it is necessary to get to a level where ALL our friendships are genuine and generative and loving. Think of it as ‘uplevelling’ your experience as we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with and be grateful that you worked it out already.

💚 Bolster your own well being emotionally and physically. Be around those who do understand and who get it and who value you.

💚 You aren’t wrong for this experience. You just needed some more instruction in how to avoid these characters. Remember they aren’t wrong either, although toxic for you, they are on their journey and that is what they chose this time around. It’s a tough reality, but not your place to question the wisdom of their soul decisions.

💚 Forgive yourself, be kind to you. Clear all soul contracts with this person. Be thankful for their contribution to your life and your learning. Bless them and release all energetic connections and entanglements with them. Try not to go into wrongness of you. Just know it was part of a bigger picture and you aren’t in control. You get to chose your reactions from here on out and you get to choose new friends who are more aligned with what you are asking for.

💚 Deliberately have fun and do things to bring you joy. Focus on your work and/or your goals and things that are fulfilling to you and your purpose.

💚 Take responsibility, you manifest everything into your experience and there is some part of you that is an energetic match for them. Again, this is NOT a wrongness of you, it is part of your learning IF you are willing to see it that way. Now, I’m not saying you are a narcissist, but maybe you have healing to do from some past narcissistic abuse, maybe you have more understanding to garner on that subject, before you can be truly free.

💚 Process, learn and thrive. Each day as these events drift into your mind or experience and you are aware of them, don’t dwell and stay stuck in all of it. Allow it to be what it was, trust that life has your back and focus mostly on where you want to head, whilst still getting the development.


1.Your comfort zone is set to Chaos and disaster

You may sometimes feel temporarily happy when great things happen, but you are always much more accustomed to and comfortable with, the sensation that things are about to go horribly wrong.

If and when things go spectacularly right, you are elated briefly, then you go into fear and become uncomfortable, like you’re not a person for whom this happens. You remind yourself that your place isn’t being successful, other people’s best is better anyway, its only a matter of time before you stuff things up, or life shits on you again…

Then hey presto! Things go wrong and you feel relieved.

Essentially, you don’t trust you, you don’t trust life and your experience has shown you that with your current level of life skills and lack of emotional mastery, you will stuff things up again sooner or later.

That is a self-fulfilling prophecy that you haven’t managed to out create yet.

TIP: You have a plethora of negative beliefs based off past painful experiences that have provided you with evidence of (what you’ve decided) is your general ineptitude for winning at life. Please note: This is not a wrongness of you, it is a cognitive function that takes place when we have experienced things we didn’t know how to handle.

See a psychologist, therapist, coach or psycho-spiritual counsellor, who is holistic and can assist you to safely unravel these and the much earlier wounds underlying these expressions of fear and self-loathing.

Seek out someone you really like who ‘gets you’ and can help you replace these beliefs with what’s genuinely good about you that you are unable to connect with.

“You can’t build a new house on old foundations” Rose Aitken

2. You do control like a champion

Because you know you lack the autonomy, emotional guidance and positive experience to access your own wisdom, you do control instead.

Any time something happens to remove your sensation of control, or events go ‘wrong’, you may do some of the following: You may sulk, argue, pout, or withdraw. You may even defend, freak out, or go into victim mode and blame other people or circumstances.

When this happens, you lapse harder into control, to try to prevent another melt down and people seeing behind your efficient façade.

As a result, you are wired, nervous, jittery and permanently exhausted. You give your power away or snap at others and if you don’t isolate yourself to recharge, you tend to lose it altogether.

You want off this treadmill, but don’t know why you are on it in the first place. It doesn’t make sense other people have ease and your life feels crappy and it seems as though you are powerless. You may over react to things and need a lot of alone time. You probably hide this by saying you are tired, sick or an introvert.

You just want to cry, but you don’t have time for that, because you are stuck in a desperate cycle, striving to create success. It just never comes and you remain in the dark as to why.

TIP: You my beautiful friend are powerful beyond your knowing…Pause for a moment and re-read that!  It’s just that no one has ever shown you how to access your potency.

These difficulties and the accompanying beliefs you have about them are not real or true. They seem it though and they are masking the beauty and magnificence of you, which you can’t yet feel.

Find someone who is extra-ordinary at seeing people’s potential and nurturing that and work with that person until things start to shift and change.

Learn new tools that empower you, so you can put the useless and self defeating illusion of control away for good.

We are all just buckled in for this ride and the only control we have is over ourselves. Once we start to develop emotional mastery, life becomes a pleasure and we feel happy.

3. You blame others instead of acknowledging your own skill deficits

It hurts to acknowledge when we are wrong. It’s terrifying to contemplate that we don’t know what we’re doing. Honestly, none of us does, we are all messing our way through life, the best we know how.

It takes humility to look inwards and acknowledge our pain and struggle is the result of our own thinking. Perhaps events have happened that were difficult or traumatic. For sure you aren’t responsible, but dealing with the aftermath, is your job. It might not be fair, but that’s how life works. That’s why we have experts who can help and others who can support and listen.

Maybe our parents taught us poorly and we’ve never actually contemplated that. Perhaps we’ve made everyone who triggered us wrong and blamed them, whilst staying loyal to a dysfunctional family system.

If Mum and Dad had it wrong, what hope is there for us?? The fact is, Mum and Dad (as sacrificing and beautiful as they may be), are flawed and human and their parents were too. They did the best they could with what they knew and it may or may not have been good work. Acknowledging this (if it applies to you) isn’t unloving, it’s smart.

TIP: Part of life is being able to assess who we are, what ‘life training’ we’ve had and whether it is truly effective. Until we are truly sick of our own nonsense, we will look to blame, because it’s the only way we can justify where things are at.

If you aren’t excelling and you’re not happy, these are signs, you might need some more skills to manage life. None of us knows it all and maybe there are other perspectives, mindsets and tools and techniques out there that would benefit you.

Asking for help isn’t a failure, it shows a desire to improve and be better. That is admirable.

4. You feel like a fraud at work or in other arenas

Imposter Syndrome is a specific phenomenon, which arises through having negative past experiences and not believing in ourselves enough. It seems much more common with woman and is a sign we have inner work to do and beliefs to shift.

I think it’s sort of a chemical manifestation of our emotional insecurities, projected outwards onto our occupation or role in society. If we have this going on, the issue isn’t our professional capabilities. Instead, there are some incongruities between our professional skills and our inner landscape.

We feel this and question our competency – feeling fraudulent, instead of asking what support or skills we require to go forwards.  

I experienced this about five years ago and although I was enormously capable, I wasn’t emotionally ready and skilled enough, to get where I am now and where I am headed in the future. This is an incongruity that is unpleasant, confusing and distracting.

I think women frequently mis-understand where this is coming from, and wrongly attribute it to just needing a push or bit of extra motivation. I’ve seen a lot of ra ra girl power posts suggesting women ignore this emotion and pump themselves us instead.

I don’t agree, Imposter Syndrome can’t be ‘fixed’ by a cheap shot of fake motivation. Instead it is keeping us safe, as we may be ready professionally to step up, but personally, we are not. We aren’t ready to be in the ball park we want to hit from.

TIP: Where are things are incongruent between your goals and your emotions? How can you bridge that gap?

Book a session with someone you admire. Speak to your coach, do some journaling, meditate, go for a run. Allow that thing to emerge. Face it, feel into it, welcome it, talk directly to it. Ask it to show you what you need to know. Honor it, release it with love. Incubate the changes you require.

Ask questions:

  • Truth, what is this sensation?
  • Can this be changed?
  • Can I change it?
  • How do I change it?

What else is truly possible for me that I’ve never perceived or thought possible? How do I connect authentically with that?


Embarking on a quest for answers and practicing self development is often the result of experiencing stuckness and emotional pain.

When we persist, we get breakthroughs and we may feel relief and discover new facets to ourselves. We may even set forth in a completely new direction.

Even if you have already had several experiences of breakthroughs and experiencing expansion and being re-directed, you will still hit those uncomfortable spots where you feel stuck again and require guidance.

This is not because we are inadequate, but because we are asking for greater. We have not been where we are heading before and sometimes we benefit from those who are expert at easing us into those changes and equipping us for the journey.

When we make the demand of ourselves and of life, and we get sick of our own suffering, we can go powerfully forwards. Here’s how:


Transformation (particularly when we are new to it) is terrifying. We are actually being prodded to embrace an as yet, invisible, reality. That requires us to trust on a level we have never trusted before.

We may alternate between reading about self and spiritual development and feeling inspired, followed by turning to old destructive habits and people.

Sometimes this is necessary part of the journey as it soothes us when we are so uncomfortable and allows us temporary respite while we re-group.


For some, change needs to be an implosion of their existing life and a quest for survival, that forces new direction and justifies different choices.

There can be several reasons for this. We may be very attached to who we had decided we had to be, or to what others think of us. Or holding fast to what we know might feel like a survival strategy

I clearly recall years ago, as my old life broke down around me, feeling like a would die if I stayed stuck one more second, yet simultaneously feeling powerless to change. I was lost but desperately wanting a better way to be.

I was scared that anything I did, would be as painful or worse than what I was already experiencing. However, my soul was crying out for a path of less resistance.

Luckily life had my back and events out of my control forced my hand. I needed that, as I was willing, I was just stuck in my old identity and didn’t know how to change.


Even if we don’t know what this looks like and we have heaps of resistance, if we make the demand, life will bring about circumstances that support the change we require.


Resistance is the domain of the ego.Your ego associates change with fear and danger. Therefore, it creates terror and a sense of dread around change.

If you are in that position, congratulations, you have a very strong desire to survive lol. The discomfort you are experiencing is a natural, instinctive reaction to preserving your existence.


As we move to the end of the road as a victim of our circumstances and life starts to place into our awareness a desire to change, resistance may emerge as our constant companion.

Resistance is our comfort when we get to close to the precipice of change and our tormenter when we want to leap. Just like the bungy jumper that won’t get off the platform, we stand there feeling silly, desiring the thrill of the leap and being terrified all at once.

When I was resistance filled, I used to oscillate between anger, futility, despair, rage and self-hatred. I was shackled to my past and yet deeply desired freedom.


We can take control with our ego, by addressing it directly. You may say something like the following

“I have got this, I don’t need you right now, thank you for keeping us safe for so long” Then we need to leap off the cliff and trust life to catch us on the way down.

When we do this, life shows up to support us. You will meet people, have opportunities and create connections that do gently urge us in the direction we need to go.


When we make a genuine decision to change, there is a sense of immense relief.

Resistance is usually replaced by a mixture of fear and excitement. This is completely normal and is a sign of positive possibilities.

If we allow it, there may be a sense of being guided, pulled or led. There is definitely a sensation of being encouraged and stroked by the Universe and all of life, into finally reaching for our greatness.

With that and our new sense of direction, may come a sense of release and letting go, perhaps for the first time.


When we follow through on changing ourselves from the inside out, life will honor our intention and show up to assist.

I’ve been constantly amazed in my journey, once I was a little bit open and doing my best to be better, how the lessons I received, were perfect for me.

Usually they were just painful enough for me to take notice and enable my transformation without crippling me.

Many times during the early days of my metamorphosis, I wanted to cry myself to sleep and not wake up. It’s tough showing up in the world differently when we are vulnerable and perhaps learning what we need to know.

Despite this, I was supposed to be here, I had to keep going and on the other side of self mastery, was something I couldn’t give words. I just knew.


Keeping going in those moments is true courage. The result of persistent courage, is that you develop resilience and confidence.

Diamonds are made under pressure – Unknown


You know what you know. You don’t need to wait as long as I did.

Changing can be the hardest decision you ever make, however if you do the work, the rewards will be even more incredible than you can imagine.

As you begin to master yourself, you get to your mountain top and from there the downhill begins.

Connect with me here.


Guilt is an uncomfortable awareness that something we have done isn’t right. Initially guilt can be empowering, as it can prompt us to acknowledge where we could have done better, to apologize or to put things right.

Holding onto guilt and not acting upon the awareness of it, becomes negative. It is a way of staying stuck that dis-empowers and demotivates people. This is when for whatever reason they don’t act appropriately and are feeling continually bad about it, or are unable to move forwards easily.

Long term guilt, left untreated, can morph into shame and causes stress and over-reactivity. It robs our peace of mind and can damage relationships and our sense of freedom and self-trust.

Here are six ways you can look to tackle guilt for yourself.

1.Take Responsibility and seek transformation

You have several options when guilt is plaguing/bothering you. Say how you feel and do your best to make amends if you can. Find a way to deal with your feelings, by learning from what happened, letting it go and moving on.

Taking self-responsibility will offer us some self-mastery in the future and the opportunity to transform our past wounds into wisdom.

When making amends, we must be mature enough to realize there are no guarantees how we will be received and therefore we must be unattached to the outcome. It is about an opportunity to contribute if the other person will allow us, it’s not about seeking absolution for ourselves.

It may also help, to look accurately at what was ours and what was someone else’s. Many times people have trouble understanding who was responsible for what, in a stressful or difficult situation leading to blame and confusion.

2. Understand your Individual triggers and how to move forwards with self-kindness

How we process and let go of guilt is going to differ from person to person.

Some people need to forgive themselves for doing what they think is the ‘wrong’ thing. Maybe they didn’t understand they were being hurtful, or were acting as they were taught, without knowing there was a different way. Maybe they were triggered, acted out of anger or hurt and felt justified in doing so at the time.

Other people will need to hear “It’s okay” from someone else, before they feel they have closure. Whilst you can never expect this and it is no substitute for carrying out our own inner work, sometimes it happens with a good outcome.

What is empowering, is learning from our past choices. Then having kindness towards ourselves as we integrate this information and move forwards a better version of ourselves.

Understand the difference between what we did that wasn’t in accordance with our own integrity and what society or others says we should feel guilty about, which are often two different things.

We may hold ourselves to a higher standard than popular belief, or we may have a view of life which is just different. As long as our beliefs don’t cause harm to others, that is alright.  

3. Getting Honest allows for growth and development

In dealing with any underlying guilt, there should be humility and willingness to see where we made poor choices.

What were we thinking at the time? How did the outcome harm someone else whether we intended that or not? What could we have done differently or better to affect another outcome? How would we better handle such a scenario, knowing what we know now?  

This creates self-awareness of our patterns and the ability to make informed choices in the future.

It’s not what others think of us that matters, it’s what we think.

Did you do the best you could at the time? What stopped you from taking responsibility? Did you? What are your beliefs that didn’t serve you and what can you replace them with now? How much of your guilt is conditioned and can you let go of it, just by acknowledging this?

People often say they feel guilty as a tool for getting people off their back as it stops people pointing the finger at them. Honesty is critical to truly learn from the past.

4. Make a decision to let go and forgive yourself

You can read about self forgiveness and healing here. We don’t have to feel guilty forever about things. Unfortunately, good people often take responsibility and feel badly where they shouldn’t.

For example, parents rescue their adult children because they feel guilty for their marriage breakup, or because they feel they failed their child in some way.

Another example is when someone dies in a car wreck. Afterwards their spouse continues to feel guilty that they didn’t stop them leaving the house that day, or that their last words they spoke weren’t kind or loving.

In actual fact, they were just being human and the spouse would totally understand. That’s not to say, that the surviving spouse wouldn’t do things differently in future relationships. However, there is just no point beating themselves up over things they can’t control.

There may also be an element of self-flagellation to avoid blame and judgment by third parties. People often think if they are unkind to themselves, others will leave them alone.

Clarity is very helpful here and having a therapist, counsellor or coach who is great with grief issues can be such a support.  This can enable us to heal where we are hurting from things we couldn’t control, or where we didn’t know any better and are still blaming ourselves.

5. Develop some skills and self-mastery

When we hang onto guilt, we either don’t know it’s okay to move on, how to move on, or we are conditioned that what we have decided about ourselves is true and think we must undergo a lifetime of penance to make up for it in some way.

None of this is true or needs to be the case.  

What’s going to empower us in the future is being able to understand our own behaviour, making peace with the past, seeing our own motives clearly and knowing how to use those experiences to be different in the future.

Some of this work may involve changing unhelpful beliefs we are carrying about blaming us. Along with working through past traumas or conflicts, becoming aware of our triggers and choosing differently.

It’s about learning what we didn’t know the first time around and processing any unhelpful regret or emotions we may be carrying and getting free again.  

6. Changing beliefs through awareness

The best way of getting guilt free, is liberating ourselves from unhelpful beliefs which are causing us to feel permanently shameful or uncomfortable about something.

Our beliefs come in a complex web, that is entangled with how we were taught to think about life, mixed with our own personality and experiences, through which we filter everything. Getting past this can be very hard, without someone to assist us.

For example, let’s say I feel guilty about recently ejecting someone from my life who had recently become manipulative, negative and draining.

I could have become guilty, fearing that they won’t cope, they might be hurt, or not understand why and they could become resentful.

As a person with healthy beliefs, I would check in with myself to see if I felt guilty for anything and would realize had every right to enter into a friendship and opt out again, as I outgrow it.

I am not responsible for another person’s reaction. We don’t need to justify ourselves to anyone or explain, even if the other person can’t receive it.

Where this would be messy, could be if I had the belief I can’t handle others being upset with me. Or, if I need to help everyone who isn’t doing so well, even when it is exhausting. These beliefs, steeped in guilt (if I held them), would turn into a long term, emotional burden. Fortunately this is a hypothetical scenario and I don’t feel this way.

If you are feeling guilty and it’s been bothering you for a while, you have options. You can do a combination of internal and external things to change and progress. Although you can’t undo what has taken place, you can learn from it and be better in the future.

Making these type of changes takes courage and deserves acknowledgment. It isn’t easy, but it is possible.

If you would like to change your beliefs causing your guilt, contact me here.


1.Expecting someone else to love you more than you are willing to love you.

We are taught to look for the knight or princess on the white horse who will ride in and whisk us off in to the sunset to a happily ever after conclusion.

People do experience incredible love, romantic or otherwise. However, until you do the hard work of removing all the barriers you have to loving you, you will have barriers in place to truly loving others and allowing them to love you.

2. Hanging on to past hurts or past regrets

When we do this, we go around with our barriers up. This is a self-protection mechanism to avoid similar hurts and stays in the physiology, keeping us limited until we are willing to address it.

Clear the old hurt and you then feel safe to put your barriers down, which means you are open to receiving love, abundance and connection with others.

This will make your life a lot richer and you will feel more secure, relaxed and happier too.

3. Not trusting yourself due to past poor choices or bad experiences

When you do the work to understand why you made those choices then you are part way to not repeating them. Not trusting ourselves is a sign we are not ready.

What was that naiivity, or the signs that you missed? What was blinding about that person that you didn’t see at the time? Now, you start to empower yourself to be different.

This is a process and it takes effort. This could require counselling or therapy to help you to see the underlying tendencies and patterns that you have and what is beneath those. For example if your parents were alcoholic, you may look for an alcoholic partner, if you were unsupported growing up, you won’t know how to behave to attract a supportive circle.

Knowledge is power and you can develop trust with you. You will trust you a lot more if you’re not running around blind to who others are and to your own tendencies within relationship.

4. Not seeing the Wood for the Trees

You meet someone within your circle who is physically appealing to you. You then project onto them all the attributes you want in a partner, (regardless of who they are and where they are functioning from).

Not only that you, are hard wired to enjoy the thrill of the chase or being chased, the games of ‘romance’ and to go after the alpha male or female. Whilst thoroughly rejecting anyone who you deem ‘not good enough’ for you.

Meanwhile all the people who don’t match your physical ‘list of desired attributes’ but have the characteristics you value, are going ignored, often to your detriment. These people would be kind, caring and a huge contribution to your life, if you would just be willing to see what you are missing.

The problem is not that there are no good men/women out there, the problem is you.

5. You are unaware of yourself and you have a victim mindset

Perhaps you have had a couple of relationships that were painful or didn’t end well, or maybe you’ve experienced abuse or unkindness in the past.

You were 50% responsible and a co-creator in that experience. Not only did you attract it, you created it, fed it energetically and contributed to the outcomes. It doesn’t matter how many problems the other person had. You chose them, (which shows where you level of awareness was) and you took part in what followed.

Now, this isn’t to blame you, we aren’t responsible for other people’s choices. We all make interesting choices and have experiences that we would perhaps rather not have had. The brilliant thing about these events though, is that they have the potential to be life changing for you. If you are willing to see them that way.

A victim says: “Poor me, this happened to me, it was so awful, please feel sorry for me’. Someone who is successful says: “I chose that, it didn’t work for me, I’ve learned such a lot from it, I’ve done what it took to heal and I’m showing up differently next time”.

You get to choose your entire future. Life was made to be fabulous, for thriving, enjoying, playing, creating and having fun.

If you learned a victim mindset, do what it takes to change it! Surround yourself with positive inspiration, examine your own motives, habits and patterns of thinking. Seek out someone who can help you change them. Be bold!! You have absolutely nothing to lose!!

6. You have low self esteem

The reason we don’t love ourselves is because we have low self esteem and we aren’t at ease in our own skin.

For love to work, we have to remove the barriers to love. This requires us to know ourselves well, to accept ourselves, to develop emotional mastery and to have a good way of interacting with the world.

If you find you are never at peace in relationship, it is probably because you haven’t developed a good self esteem and therefore relationship with yourself.

One way that you can be aware of this is, you radically alter your behavior when you are dating, or when you live with a partner. Even in your friendships, you may do this, to fit in, be accepted, or liked. You may be very vigilant to what others are saying or doing.  

You may feel like you constantly cover up your sense of inadequacy by saying things to make yourself look good, by putting others down, or by doing over compensating behaviors. You probably find maintaining relationships with others exhausting.

You may often feel depressed and need to withdraw to top up your energy. You perhaps sense you are blocking your true potency and power by playing small and don’t know how to be different.

“Courage comes before confidence” Peta Kelly

It takes courage to change this stuff and to undo what is in us, that is leading to the low self-esteem. Often this takes the guidance of someone with whom we can be vulnerable, honest and open with and share our fears. Then we must learn to let go of these things and discover new tools with which to create our life differently.

If any of this resonates with you, you can contact me here


What’s really required to take charge of your life is no longer just setting goals and mindlessly doing the steps to accomplish them.

Whilst evolution is always valuable, traditional goal setting as a means to an end is now redundant, without the valuable addition of consciousness. As Bradley Cooper sings in the Movie “A Star is Born”, “It’s time to let the old ways Die”

Most of us have figured out by now that having more and doing more is redundant with out BECOMING more. Consciousness is the new black and for good reason.

My definition of consciousness is to be aware of everything and everyone around you without judgement. We develop these abilities through emotional self mastery, spiritual awareness and understanding energetic and body dynamics.

Learning the tools to create a conscious life and implementing them, means we upgrade ourselves and where we operate from. This allows us to achieve more, develop and evolve in all ways. We attain self reliance and eventually wisdom. From there, almost anything is possible.

The process of becoming conscious, is an ongoing quest that requires us to be humble, honest and open, inquisitive and to seek change on the deepest level. As more and more people step up and into this change, the balance of consciousness or the collective is also evolving.

Change, embracing our true nature and being responsible for improving it can be extremely scary and uncomfortable. This is reflected in the current tumultuousness that is taking place in many corners of the globe.

Existing systems are breaking down, new cutting edge technologies are emerging and science is now embarking on new frontiers with the study of human potential, as we eek out better ways of doing and of being.

As the individual chooses greater and enhances their own existence, they assume a higher energetic frequency that absorbs and reflects new possibilities. Their singular transformation enables the collective to evolve, pulling along and leading the way for others.

Here are some conscious truths that may inspire you to find your greatness in 2019!!

1.Realize you are the ultimate creator in your life

Whatever’s going on in your experience right now, is all about you. You may have had all sorts of circumstances that haven’t worked out as you wanted them to. You may be upset by certain people or situations, but you created all of it. That is, you created the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’.

I don’t mean you are to blame, or that you are responsible for other’s choices. What it does mean, is that you attract everything in to your field of observation, your experience and your life, for a reason.

That reason is your expansion. When you change your points of view, the things you tell yourself, your beliefs, thoughts, feelings and emotions, you won’t be caught up in the past, you will be free of it.

Then, you will attract much better into your experience. So, use your power to create for you and not against you. You are capable of un-creating all the crap and creating amazing things beyond your wildest expectations. Being supported by a conscious coach, affords that kind of transformation.

2. Pain is a beautiful gift

Pain is life’s way of letting you know on a particular issue, you are separated from your higher self. You are away from your natural state of love and oneness and that gap is the pain you can feel. The purpose of pain is healing and growth.

Stored pain is like a bottle neck that stops us truly thriving and being free across all areas of life. We may think we have successfully buried something and are semi functional in other aspects of our lives. However, this never works, as something significant always leaks out and has unanticipated effects on us.

When we bury pain, it’s like going around with a sign above us, saying “Walking wounded here”. People can see it in your behavior, feel it in your energy and they know something is wrong. The reason it’s obvious, is because we have barriers up, as we don’t feel safe.

With our barriers up, we can’t allow ourselves to be loved (we aren’t a match for love, we are a match for pain). Abundance can’t flow our way either and we will struggle. Holding up barriers because we feel weak inside, is exhausting. From there, we never trust others or ourselves.

“Pain is not to be feared and avoided. It is an invitation to face ourselves and step into our greatness. On the other side of processing your pain, lies immense freedom and relief. Only you can choose”. Rose Aitken

3. Get rid of your Baggage and you pain will follow

Unhealed ‘stuff’ has a habit of bubbling up and creating problems when you least want it to. And it is there, just under the surface, influencing all of your thoughts, decisions, choices and body language.

Life has a habit of bringing you similar situations, repeatedly, until you address things properly. That is why some people appear to have such ‘shitty luck’. They don’t really, they’ve just never dealt with their pain and circumstances and learned how to redirect their future.

What causes you the most pain, is pointing you directly towards the beliefs you most need to change. I support my clients to have ease with changing theirs. We go gently through this stuff to yield rapid, powerful, results. (You can see some testimonials at the bottom of this page or here.

4. Stop Being upset at past ‘lost opportunities’

There is no such thing. What’s for you will not pass you by. You were either ready or you weren’t. It’s that simple.

If it went away, if you were overlooked, you blew it, or circumstances changed out of your control, life was redirecting you.

Usually life won’t recreate the same opportunities, but you can create new ones. If you are willing to develop wisdom as from your past losses, then even greater possibilities can show up.

5. Stop making things right or wrong. You always have a choice.

Life happens for us, not to us.

Nothing is good or bad or right or wrong, other than what your beliefs make it. Part of my job is to help you see what was beneficial about the tough things. It is also to help you extract the goodness from those experiences and see how you’ve evolved as a result.

For the first time in modern human history, science is starting to understand many things. These include, the science of energy, wisdom of the human heart and gut and how our thoughts directly influence others and our environment.

There is no need to suffer and be at the effect of your past any longer. The modalities, techniques and options out there today are wonderful. If you are an empath, if you are spiritually orientated, or open minded, I would love to work with you. Connect with me here.


For years I was at the effect of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and unable to bust out of the prison of my physical symptoms.

I tried many options for creating change and eventually found the keys to unlocking it for me.

Along my way to greater wellness and energy, I began to look at life differently and became very resourceful and much more aware.

Here are some things I discovered that might be useful for you:

1.   I discovered that all ‘symptoms’ are a source of awareness

Because the immune and nervous system are linked when I was sick with CFS, I’d often experience any anxiety quite strongly. My body would go beserk and my emotions would follow.

After a while, I began to ask questions around this. I then latched onto the fact that I felt expanded around some people and contracted around others.

My clever body was giving me awareness about things and the people I was around were no exception. This was doubly important when I was unwell because I felt (and was) vulnerable.

Being both anxious and unwell was often overwhelming and I used to hate my body for it, until I learned and understood differently. Then, eventually I stopped and started to use this information to my advantage. Being aware of this, (and choosing appropriately based on this information), meant life got heaps easier and more wellness became possible for me.

TIP: If you are experiencing anxiety (or other symptoms), what are they telling you that you are ignoring? What’s that little thread of awareness inside you, that if you acknowledged it would lead you to make different choices?

This is not about running away, but about acknowledging your body’s wisdom and following it. Given such freedom and honoring, it’s amazing how our body will respond in kind to our attentive stewardship. They will often reward us with a physical freedom and ease we are unaccustomed to.

2.   I learned how to tell who my true friends were

I had a history of emotional and spiritual trauma as a child and teen which is what the CFS was really about. Needless to say, I didn’t always choose the kindest company. I did a lot of learning from my choices though.

At the height of my illness, I was vulnerable and needy. I had little support and couldn’t really receive from people anyway. I spent a lot of time on my own, at the effect of my symptoms. I always felt a bit disadvantaged around others, as I wasn’t functioning from a place of comfort and effectiveness in my life.

I tried to always choose expansive and positive people and events. However, I did learn that those with agendas, who are attached to you being sick. or who could take advantage of the situation, may show up.

As I started to gain more consciousness, clarity and wellness, I strengthened my boundaries. Luckily, those people weren’t a match for me any longer and fell out of my life. Now, I am not only feeling well, I am surrounded and supported by incredible loving people.

TIP: If you fired everyone in your life today, who would you re-hire? Who in your life is energetically attached to you being small and draining the energy you do have?

3.   I discovered how resilient we really are and how we play small

Every cell in your body desires for you to heal and be happy. We are designed to function optimally, flow with life and recreate our entire body every seven years. In short, we are phenomenal works of art and expressions of source energy.

We can relatively easily create huge changes and overcome traumas and challenges with the right skills. Working with energy is instantaneous. Master how to do that and you unlock the key to achieving all your desires and having a vibrant, healthy body.

We are taught to play small. We aren’t shown how to let go of upsets and emotional events. We judge ourselves and others and make them wrong and all our limitations are creations we have invented.

TIP: Where are you making small choices instead of big ones? Where do you have a limitation you aren’t acknowledging? How is that limitation manifesting for you?

4.   I came to appreciate the value of life and the unimportance of time

Life is precious. Get the most out of every opportunity and be grateful for what you have. If you find yourself facing the scenario of illness, appreciate what you can still enjoy and commit to doing whatever it takes to get well.

Healing you is the most important work you will do. In the process of undoing your illness (and healing your body), you will discover your highest values and become able to live an extraordinary life. Big challenges require big preparation and illness is an opportunity in disguise.

Sometimes, getting to where we want to be in life takes time and the Universe has it’s own perfect divine timing – not revealing change until you are truly ready for it. I was often impatient as anything to get fully well yesterday, but it just meant that I had more and more stuff to uncover, learn from and let go of.

TIP: You don’t have to become sick to discover your highest values, you can ask questions around them and get clear now. If you are sick, what are you avoiding looking at that would change everything for you?

When your symptoms are overwhelming, or you start to do a head spin and go into fear, practice gratitude instead. What is your body communicating to you? What are the things it is doing well and allowing you to still attend to? Be happy for those moments and you will likely find more of them.

5.   There is a path of least resistance for doing everything

Want to drive from A to B as fast as humanly possible without getting arrested? I’m your girl. Want a 3-course meal cooked in 30 minutes including sauces? I’ve nailed it. House require cleaning? Top to bottom in record time.

As ironic as this seems, for most of my illness I had no one else to rely on and I became strangely efficient and capable as a result. I soon discovered the quickest way of accomplishing something was as fast as possible, before my body crashed. Now I’m almost better, this serves me well, as I’ve mastered getting almost any task completed, in the blink of an eye.  

I am still meditative in the way I undertake things, I just do routine tasks very efficiently. Other people are frequently amazed and will say things to me like “That’s the fastest my dishes have ever been done”. “How did you make that yummy food so fast”? Um, that’s what I do.

TIP: You can create incredible solutions to things that seem unbelievable to others, just by being willing to be different. Set your own standards and live by them and people will be amazed.

What superpowers are you waiting to unleash that you are hiding or haven’t acknowledged? PS: It’s usually something so easy to us, we dismiss it as unimportant.

We human beings are so incredibly resilient. Often times what we think is a disaster is an opportunity waiting to be uncovered and tapped into. What we have decided would be the worst possible outcome, can be the path to our ultimate empowerment and freedom.


Read Part One of this article here 

1.Good Sleep

Enough good quality sleep is critically important for success, vitality and well-being. It’s hard to do well with anxiety if overtired, when all the body’s resources are on overdrive.

Scientists are becoming increasingly aware, that sleep quality is more important than diet and exercise combined. Sound sleep contributes to good decision making, elevated moods and a healthy body chemistry.

Having a great bedtime routine, dark bedroom, a comfy bed and limiting device time, all contributes to better sleep. As does a diet rich in melatonin inducing foods: Here are some examples:

  • Fruits and vegetables (tart cherries, corn, asparagus, tomatoes, pomegranate, olives, grapes, broccoli, cucumber)
  • Grains (rice, barley, rolled oats)
  • Nuts and Seeds (walnuts, peanuts, sunflower seeds, mustard seeds, flaxseed)

2. Meditation Through Energy Pulls

I am not a traditional meditator. In fact for years I tried and couldn’t meditate.

After receiving lots of body work that has changed my physiology, I can now meditate. However, when I do, it’s usually the side effect of actively doing other exercises, such as Energy Pulls.

There are two reasons why I can now meditate when previously I couldn’t.

Everything blocking me, has been cleared out of my field and body (over time). Secondly, Access Bars can put people in a brain wave state equivalent to someone who has studied meditation for 20 years. It creates something called coherence or oneness. (Watch neuroscientist Jeffery Fannin talk about this here). After experiencing this, I knew I there would come a time where I would be able to meditate.

Energy pulls are a tool from the modality Access Consciousness. They are designed to accelerate the attainment of your goals. This works through connecting with the energy of your goals and creating momentum by then pulling from all the people, places and things, that can support you achieve them. Next you send your energy out to those people, places and things, so they can find you.

For me this is fun! There is the visualization aspect and feeling aspects. My hands and body will be tingling as energy flows through me, at different frequencies. This is depending on what I am asking for and how much momentum is attached to each thing.

To do the exercise, you need to imagine putting all your barriers down. Expand outwards, fill the space between the molecules with your presence. Imagine a golden ball of light on your tummy and put your hands out around the ball.

Now, one by one, drop your goals into the ball and pull energy from all over the multiverse into the ball. Feel it move, notice the different sensations as you do it for different things. Observe how fast or slow the energy moves and how it feels, (light and expansive or more sticky or stubborn).

I personally pull the energy from my ball, through my body and out the back of me. That’s just my way. Other people may do this differently. When you have flowed enough energy, send a trickle of your frequency outwards. It is going to all the people, places and things that can contribute to you accomplishing your goals. The purpose of that is so they can find you.

I usually find after 15 minutes of doing this, I feel amazing, energized and tuned in. I may then do some self healing using angelic reiki, meditate with my spirit guides, or do some prayer for myself and others. I might connect with my ‘team’, or with certain energies around me that I am familiar with.

I have a very active body and mind. Traditional meditation bores me and seems counter productive. However, I like the task oriented aspects of energy pulls and self healing. Then everything flows and I feel alive!

3. I belong to a group where I am loved, respected and cared for

The biggest indicator of longevity is belonging to social groups where we are included and valued.

I feel connected in my immediate and wider community through my work. Fortunately I have several groups in which I contribute my time professionally or socially, in which I feel valued, respected and supported.

4. Healthy Friendships

I am blessed with my friendships. I love growing the beautiful friendships I already enjoy and adding new ones. These add such a richness to life that is special and meaningful.

5. I get outside in Nature whenever I can

Our bodies have rhythm or vibration which is acoustical and in harmony with that of nature. Any time we can get outside and connect with the elements, we are releasing stuff. Grounding is an amazing tool for doing this, which improves our well-being and re-aligns us with our natural state.  

This is vital when we are around technology and in air conditioned and artificially lit spaces.

6. I have a purpose that I live every day

My purpose brings me joy and lights me up. It empowers, guides and uplifts me.

Running a business is the most exhilarating and consistent way of developing yourself I have found. It’s such a journey of showing up, creating constant innovation and striving for personal excellence. It also requires being transparent, accountable and is about having massive integrity in every aspect of who you are.

I am totally committed to this journey, I trust life and I am aligned (where I am supposed to be). If that changes, I know I will be re-directed.

I can still become anxious if I haven’t managed something particularly well. However, overall the energies that I dwell in and my purpose, carries me through any difficult moments with a grace that probably isn’t mine.


1.Attending twice weekly pilates classes

Pilates is simply incredible. Even with a painful compression injury and two irregular discs in my upper back, I stubbornly avoided going, for as long as I possibly could. Months after my osteopath recommended it to me.

It’s funny now. I assumed (in my infinite wisdom), that pilates was where annoyingly positive people went to sit on big bouncy balls and count, while they did boring, pointless exercises, that looked as fun as watching paint dry. 

How wrong I was with my limiting points of view!! It’s also amusing how we often resist what we need most and I am still sometimes no exception!.

Not only is Pilates NOT boring, it makes my brain happy, it oxygenates my body, improves my immune system by working on the fascia. It strengthens all the parts of my body that support the areas around my injury. 

It relaxes me and has changed the alignment of my entire body and the way that I move, so I have far more energy. It has somehow changed my body language, the way I hold myself, move and interact with the world.

Lastly, it helps my pain. It eliminates stiffness, inflammation, energy blocks and it has even released stuck emotions. None of which I was expecting.

2. I avoid sugar

I still ingest a lot of sweet stuff, as my brain requires a lot of glucose and carbohydrate. I run twice a week, paddle board at the moment and am very busy.

I frequently use alternative sweeteners like honey and limit my processed sugar intake. When I cut out a huge amount of sugar last year, my anxiety levels plummeted.

3. I take glutathione

Glutatione is the body’s master anti-oxidant. As such, it is implicated in the metabolic processes of the brain and the liver.

Glutathione contributes to good concentration, positive moods, high energy levels, slows aging and prevents disease.

Here’s more about the type of glutathione that I prefer. It’s bizarre that we aren’t even educated that glutathione exists and if we were depleted, we wouldn’t even know.

I had many of the risk factors for low glutathione, including having been an athlete as a child, many life stressors and traumas, the fact that I consume caffeine and have experienced anxiety and CFS.

What blew me away with this product, was seeing the instant difference in myself at around week 5 of taking it. Cumulative levels take that long to rise and almost overnight, you can feel entirely different. I was one of the lucky ones and it’s so good, I still take it daily 3 years later.

4. I run

Getting my heart rate up high allows me to clear my thoughts, improve my mood, release stress and feel inspired and creative.

Running keeps my blood pressure and stress levels low, joints lubricated, energy high and my endorphins pinging all over the place.

It also provides me with a level of fitness that supports physical and emotional resilience.

5. Good Nutrition and Avoiding Toxins

I watch my toxin intake level by cooking almost all meals from scratch.

I avoid alcohol, measure carefully my blood sugar levels, caffeine intake and make sure I get enough nutrition for my body to function optimally.  

I consume plenty of green leafy vegetables, fruit and lean, high quality protein, good fats and healthy carbs.  

I do a half day detox (about 3 times a year) which is very effective.

6. Effective time Management and saying ‘no’

The longer I am in business and the more I grow and develop, the more precious my time becomes. I now prioritize requests for my time and manage carefully my friendships, leisure and work activities.

With work, I allocate time to tasks directly related to quality results, that yield the best outcomes for the effort expended and I endeavor to carry out all tasks in this manner.

As a result, I have increasing amounts of energy and can get more and more accomplished. This comes from simplifying my life, improved concentration, better physiology and adopting better systems for doing things.

You can read Part Two of this article here


This is a common question I hear. Many who know me or meet me just sense if they are ready to do the work. Others, (understandably) aren’t sure, or don’t understand what I do.

Soul ‘stuff’ can seem scary to many, as we typically aren’t taught about it in Western culture. It is often made worse by some form of religious indoctrination as children. Commonly we don’t understand why we are here on a soul level, or why we have chosen the challenges we may be experiencing.

You may sense you are a soul in human form. However, you may not know how to access your own spiritual nature to succeed and become the highest version of yourself. You might deeply desire more ease with things in the physical reality, particularly if you are empathetic or sensitive.

My job as a soul coach to help with this as well as understanding who you are. It is also to provide context to choices, tendencies, abilities, talents and fears/limitations which may be there from before.

Religious dogma typically doesn’t reconcile with us knowing why we are here on earth, who we are as a soul or energetic frequency, what our purpose is for this lifetime and what our soul attributes or dominant qualities are.

Although there is some wisdom contained in the bible and similar texts, they generally don’t teach us about soul contracts, spirit guides, soul planning or anything useful, other than “Don’t be a bad person” and “You can or can’t do this or that”.

Here’s some information that may be useful to you the role of a soul coach. It explains why things work the way they do around here and how I could work with you to create change.

We are souls here in bodies, having a human experience.

Thousands of life times

We have lived many thousands of life times. In these life times we have done and been everything. Every bad, every good thing. We are all expressions of God/The Creator here in human form. We are playing out different aspects of his creation and reflecting that back to him.

Our soul is infinite, our body (for each incarnation) is finite.

After each life time (usually) when we are done with what we came here for this time around, we check out and go back to source.

This is our natural/permanent state. The human state is a temporary one.

Being here in each incarnation is what our soul does to grow and expand and experience new things. When we are parked up on a cloud ‘chilling’ we aren’t learning or growing particularly and we are here to have fun, to create and to grow among other things.

Spirit Guides

We have a team who has our back and guides who are with us always. Our guides can change and be given different roles and new guides might come on board as we grow on our soul journeys.

Pre Birth Planning

We have a pre-birth plan for each incarnation or life time we choose here. We can veer away from the plan at any stage or implement it to the letter. That is what free will is all about.

Within the plan that we chose, we can have an easy or a hard time, depending on how we view things. Often if we are choosing limitations or contraction it’s because we aren’t yet ready for growth or expansion. We may go through years of challenge before we get the awareness of what that was for, and are ready to learn from it and go forwards in a new direction.

Free Will

People can choose crappy or amazing lives.

We all have spiritual gifts and our capacities, talents and purpose.  Within each life time we explore different themes. For example, we maybe here to explore love, loss, isolation, compassion, abuse, forgiveness, redemption or other things.  

Soul Themes and Growth

Let’s say the theme for this life time was abuse. We may have had several life times where we witnessed someone we love being abused, or where we were abusive. In this lifetime, we may experience an abusive family or abusive adult relationships. We might heal that abuse in this life time and perhaps any unhealed instances from past lives simultaneously. We explore these themes from different angles.

Soul Contracts and Specific Relationships and Issues

We have soul contracts with other people for mutual growth and expansion. When we meet someone and have a good or bad feeling about them, we have known them before. When we really like someone on meeting them, we have enjoyed other life times with them. It isn’t a liking we are feeling, it is recognition.

When clients are really struggling in certain relationships, (besides looking at the psychological/physical) we look at the soul contracts playing out.

We may clear any aspects of the contract still requiring attention if a relationship is destructive or very painful. We may clear future contracts with that person if the client is willing. Or, we may just examine what they want now and the awareness they have garnered from the experience thus far.

Looking at things from a broader soul perspective credits the soul/person with knowing what they were choosing (empowering) and takes the sting out of things. They can then understand that there was a soul contract playing out which was all agreed to in advance. they then realize the other person might be abusive because they deserve it, or because they are wrong, but because the soul chose this experience to grow.

Clearing soul contracts frees both souls to go on and have other experiences and removes the entanglement that is generating the need to continue to be involved with each other now and in the future.

The client maybe still wants to be involved with that other person, but they are not pulled into something that may feel more powerful then they are. We would look at whether that person feels the learning with the other individual is now complete.

Turning Wounds Into Wisdom and Deep Transformation

In the above example I would teach the difference between soul family connections (gentle and supportive) and karmic relationships. These are intense and often destructive. We would address what needs healing from their current experience.

Then we would look at what it may have been in their family of origin that schooled them towards choosing abuse and how they can use this knowledge to avoid falling into unhealthy relationships in the future. We can assume that if they transform those aspects of their experience now, they can use free will to avoid further relationships like these in future.

We would look together at the red flags that they missed and where they were drawn into choosing that partner. Although their current relationship may have been necessary for growth, it is possible to learn from the experience and avoid future abuse, by turning their wounds into wisdom.

That experience becomes very generative and beneficial in the long term. It does take a lot of inner work, courage and willingness to examine things on such a deep level.

Courage, Inquiry and Application Leads to Rapid Change and Evolution

If clients are willing to engage on this level, they often end up changing the course of their entire future and the trajectory of all future choices. This is sacred work and it is the most powerful that you can engage in. It is profound and rewarding and you may often get a very strong sense of who you came here to be as a result.

Soul work isn’t for everyone, but it often gives a rich context to our choices and lends itself to powerful, sustained transformation. If a client is repeating certain psychological patterns over and over and wondering why, it is often working on the soul level that yields the breakthrough required.

Any transformational work benefits the person and their overall journey. Soul work adds another dimension and set of benefits, that can take things whole next level.


Are you a comfort eater? Do you sometimes binge on carbs and feel guilty or ashamed afterwards? Do you feel out of control around food? Are you a bit heavier than you would like, but not majorly overweight? Does your weight fluctuate and do you judge yourself for it?

Not only did I go through these struggles chronically when I was in my 20s, it is also relevant for quite a few clients currently. 

Here are some ideas to help with your mindset, the practical elements of breaking your habit/addiction and with your weight and nutrition.

1.Eat whatever your body requires, whenever it requires it

This is a radical shift to make and it may seem scary, but damn it is liberating. If you are like I was and letting your head/emotions run the show isn’t working for you, then perhaps this might be some of the answer.

This worked so well for me, because I had put all sorts of rules around what I could and couldn’t eat and should and shouldn’t eat and when. I had divorced myself from my body’s natural wisdom about what it desired to consume.

Also, I probably had nutritional imbalances from years of binging or starving, so when my body craved something, it was really craving it.

The satisfaction I garnered from eating exactly what my body required and when meant that I was so satiated, energized and happy, I didn’t go into my psychological need for food as much, or in the same way.

2. Determine the difference between hunger and uncomfortable emotions

I found when I was younger and comfort eating, I was making a lot of rules around dieting, what I could eat and couldn’t eat and I would ‘punish’ myself if I got it ‘wrong’.

In hindsight, much of the whole scenario was about self-rejection not about the state of my body, although I was dwelling on my weight.  I focused on my appearance in a negative way, however I was quite broken inside from things I had been through.  My pre-occupation with food and my size was a manifestation of my inner turmoil.

I was projecting my inner pain and dis-satisfaction, fears and needing to have a sense of control, onto my body.

I lacked good wisdom, guidance, support, structure in my life.  As well as good company, kind and caring people and I didn’t know how to be that way with myself.

Back then stuffing food down was a way to numb feelings, but also a way to connect with them that felt safe, following the shame and secrecy of a binge.

It was also a carefully constructed way of checking out of life, putting a barrier between me and others and a way of not showing up in the world and avoiding things. In time, I got a bit better at averting a binge.

Some questions I used to prevent comfort eating were:

 “Am I hungry or upset about something, am I bored or lonely”?

“How will I feel afterwards if I go ahead and eat this now”?

“Will this food contribute to my energy levels and sense of self-worth, or will it diminish them”?

“How can I distract myself so I’m out of the house and doing other things”?

“How can I not isolate myself right now and what would shift my physiology so I have endorphins instead of stress”?

3. Make sure your nutritional needs are met

It’s less likely your body will have massive cravings – particularly for large amounts of sugary, high fat or carbohydrates, if it is properly nourished.

Therefore, it is easier to distinguish between comfort/psychological and genuine eating.

I also remember that if I’d gone to a lot of trouble to eat a healthy meal, I would be less likely to waste that effort by having a massive binge afterwards.

Sometimes I still did though. It’s important with an article like this to take strategies that work for you and ignore the rest. Any small changes you can adopt, will radiate outwards and quite radically empower you, allowing cumulative progress and more ease.

4. Adopt a zone based diet

This was my go to, that made me feel satiated (from the serve of fat), energized (with protein) and properly nourished with phytonutrients (from fruit and vegetables). You are also able to have small amounts of complex cabs which can be good for brain function and overall energy as well.

I found that my inflammation levels dropped and energy levels increased on the zone diet. I also lost weight easily, so if this is your thing, you will need to adjust it eventually. To maintain my current weight, I needed more complex carbs eventually, but by then I was feeling much better and the adjustment wasn’t too bad.

Of course this diet won’t be for everyone, but it does tend to be generally effective, less extreme than many vegan options and more adaptable and nourishing than the Atkins diet. There is a vegetarian or soy version of the zone diet if that interests you.

5. If you are feeling upset, don’t go near food – take a pause and be kind to yourself instead

Go take a bath, go for a walk or run, hit the gym, take a yoga class, hang out with a friend, buy coffee or a juice, go to a movie, journal…Whatever it takes.

You can always binge later if the need is still there, but in the meantime, give yourself a fighting chance of not submitting to old habits.

6. Find ways to connect with and release your feelings that feel safe – particularly if you are empathetic

I used to find journaling best. I also tried counselling and therapy, but I was so sensitive when younger, that mostly pushed my buttons too, although I learned a lot from those sessions which would give context to my later progress.  

It wasn’t until I found Access Consciousness and the Law of Attraction that I found frames of reference for life that made sense to me and allowed to put my sensitivity into a perspective that finally made sense and didn’t cripple me.

If you are extremely empathetic you are probably a healer and taking on a lot energetically that you aren’t aware of.

Learning one or more modalities for working with energy, having energetic boundaries and gifting and receiving healing deliberately (instead of accidentally) can be the start of connecting with your power and feeling less disadvantaged and maybe like you can flourish eventually.

I highly, highly recommend Access Bars, because if you are carrying around physical settings of trauma and cellular memories of binging, a Bars session will clear these out.

It will give you a clearer slate from which to implement new, more effective choices.

Access Bars is also about receiving and if we are doing a tonne of binging, we are behind pretty high walls, isolating ourselves a lot and suffering in private.

7. Read, read, read

Educate yourself. Read about different diets, understand what your body requires nutritionally and from a nurturing point of view.

Learn about what you are doing to your physiology when you binge. Read about super salads, phyto nutrients, organics, food combining, detox foods, high energy foods and ways of eating which other cultures have that we can adapt.

There is a lot of wisdom and guidance contained within them. Things like ayurvedic principles, the way the Chinese view food (like medicine) and other information such as being very relaxed when eating.

This might spoil your fun in binging, it’s hard to pretend we don’t know what we know. This however is one of the best ways I know of to ruin an addiction for ourselves and to get ready to commit to changing.

Going forwards

My progress with these things was one of trial and error. I only really stopped fully when I was ready. Binging served me until then, allowing me to navigate life until I had better skills to take over with. Remember it isn’t a wrongness, it is just a set of strategies for coping and anything that facilitates that is effective on some level.

Just realize in time you can go beyond where you are at now, you can have ease around food, you can begin to trust yourself and you can find pleasure in nourishing your body without such extremes. It is just about the right timing and right tools and information for you.

If you would like to chat to me about any of these things please click here.



One of my current mentoring clients is choosing massive changes.

She is up-leveling her life, her old choices around relationship and career. Her knowledge and level of functioning is exploding. She is understanding old paradigms and her childhood archetyping – the resulting adult behaviors and anxieties and changing them. This involves setting new standards for herself, implementing powerful new boundaries and much more…

This week she shared how it’s been intense, emotional and challenging for her and in spite of this she is committed, clear and feels drawn to the outcomes she knows are waiting for her on the other side of her current discomfort, disarray and upheaval. (She is so right)

I said to her “Perhaps you’d be willing to acknowledge the MASSIVE changes you are choosing”!

She started to laugh, really hard and shook her head. In that moment she had a break-though. She got that choosing the same, being average and basing her life off the way everyone else operates in this reality, isn’t for her.

As she acknowledged her truth, something clicked inside her and her sense of fear, doubt and trepidation left.

She knows she’s in the thick of things right now, that this is the biggest learning curve of her life so far. (Much has already changed for her in the course of undertaking her mentoring program). Yet she knows she was more than ready. It was no longer her option staying the way she was.

She also knows she is fully led and supported, by life and the Universe, to get to where she wants to be.  It wasn’t going to be straightforward or easy. However, she is already developing a strong sense of divine timing, inherent purpose, self-trust and allowing. It is truly beautiful to see. As the fresh insights drop in, she is integrating these, along with new tools, skills and ways of being that feel strange and unfamiliar.

It was very special to share those moments with her and to see her wonderment, joy and clarity open up out of confusion, fear and uncertainty.

I’m not suggesting that radical change is right for everyone.  However when we are truly ready, if we do the work and stay the course, the sensation that unfolds of watching ourselves evolve is truly amazing. There is a sense of inner peace and accomplishment, relief, ease and self trust.

That recognition that ‘this is what I was hoping would come and it’s even better than I thought it would be’ along with ‘Wow, I’ve really done this’, is a mind blowing feeling.

My client is kicking ass and I am so proud of her. Following what you know, breaking away from all your old patterns, trusting yourself, despite what people might be thinking is brave. Having no idea who you’ll be at the end of that process (but choosing to change anyway), is terrifying and inspiring.

She is uplifting me, reminding me why I do this work and what we can achieve when we put in the effort to reach that next level of our potential. I am in awe of her brilliance, privileged to be a part of this and am grateful for who she is.


My client has now graduated. In the final weeks of her program she surpassed her own expectations again. She is incubating further realizations and insights, has consolidated on the earlier work we did together and is connecting with a new sense of how far she has come.

What she is choosing for herself now, wouldn’t have been possible 6 months ago. The sense of reward, accomplishment and gratitude for the choices she has made, is palpable to everyone around her. She is managing her life differently, her anxiety has dissipated, her relationships are different.

She is glowing, empowered, joyful and her life is expanding. Her lows are much higher, she has put previous challenges behind her and is vibrating in another way. She is now attracting better circumstances, opportunities and people into her life. There is a synchronicity present, that she wasn’t able to receive before.

She is enjoying her life, feels happy and fulfilled and excited for the future. She is motivated, more mindful and tuned in to who she is and what lies ahead.

Some helpful Questions When Considering Intense Personal Development: (My programs are intense and NOT for the faint-hearted) 

💪 If you had an infinite supply of courage and you couldn’t get it wrong, what would you choose?

💪 How much change are you ready for? What is holding you back from your jumping off place?

💪 What could you create if you were supported by an expert to change your life? How would that make you feel that your life were worth so much attention and investment of time and resources to make it exactly the way you want it?

💪 Are you tired of playing small when you know something is far greater for you? How much energy does it take to hold that in place and keep pushing away those possibilities?

💪 Are you sick of dragging your life time of baggage around with you? Are you fed up of your limitations, your insecurities, your fears and your old ways of doing things. Are you sick of not achieving what you would like to because you don’t have the know how to change what isn’t working?

💪 Let’s imagine 12 months from now, you didn’t choose mentoring when you knew you wanted to…

You made it about the timing, how busy you are, what your partner would think, or about the money. Although really, you were scared at what those changes would create, not knowing who you’d become in the process or how your life would be afterwards.

Picture this – one year on, nothing has changed, except you’ve paid another year of bills, you’re a year older and you’ve made some progress and overcome some things. The deep stuff you want to be different, isn’t. How do you feel?

Being different and changing takes chops, effort, courage, commitment, perseverance and it isn’t for the faint hearted. You’ve got to be ready, feel the call and be willing to honour that. Is 2019 YOUR year?

Apply to work with me here:


My teenage years were excruciatingly painful. Fortunately, I’ve had the chance to heal my younger me and here is some of what I would have wanted her to know 💗 

You are perfect, divinely beautiful and whole

You are loved, worthy and capable of achieving all your dreams. The biggest block to you doing so, is not other people, it’s what you tell yourself.

How you look by society’s standards is irrelevant. How you talk to yourself inside is what truly matters as well as using your talents every day for your pleasure and your development.

NEVER make anyone else’s opinion more important than yours

Others will say awful things to you. It’s not a reflection of who you are, it’s a reflection of them. The reason people say those things to you in particular is because you are sensitive and highly aware and that is not a wrongness, it is a strong ness and what makes you so special, kind and caring.

In time, you will grow to see the untruth in those words, you will see the fear and self-loathing behind them and you will have compassion for those people.

Words have POWER

The Universe works via energy. All words have an energy attached to them. Be careful when you make certain energies real and true for you by speaking words that are negative. Always state things in the BEST possible terms and tell the GREATEST story energetically that you can. Whatever energies you choose, the Universe will bring you more of.

You can be, do and have ANYTHING

All that burning ambition inside you will take you far, but you need to be your own best friend always, be kind to your body and keep your thoughts light and happy. (In general of course, not when you are upset or processing something). If you can do this, you will arrive at your goals much sooner, with much more ease.

You are not alone and you are loved

We are operating from behind a veil of forgetfulness, which makes us think we are disconnected, vulnerable, alone and helpless, the last thing you are is helpless and you are surrounded by love and support from the unseen. Trust this ALWAYS.

Life has a perfect plan for you

Rather like a video game, you have certain challenges to overcome to get to the next level (although it is never linear and it is never done).

Your soul chose those challenges and they are perfect for you for this life time. This life time is part of a much bigger journey you are on and you are lucky to be here, in this body and on this planet.

You are here for a reason and the more you grow, expand and use your courage, the more will be revealed to you. You got this!!!!

Ask for help/support/knowledge

Every time something causes you pain or there seems to be a never-ending issue that confounds you, feel into it. Allow it to overwhelm you, be present with it. Thank it for what it is showing you.

Then ask the Universe for help/support/knowledge/or the right people to help you change it. Nothing is bigger than you, but some things will test you so that you can grow.

Trust your knowing

Whenever you feel uncomfortable in a situation or event or certain people, that is your awareness letting you know that thing is not for you. Honour that knowing whilst meeting your obligations. Never decide you are wrong for feeling that way.

Honour you Parents whether or not they can honour you

Forgive your parents for all the ways they trigger you and for all the things you didn’t receive from them, that you needed. You have a contract with them to teach you certain things and they are delivering their end of the deal, to perfection.

Put those things aside and get on with your life the best way you know how. Believe you can and will heal when the time is right. At that point, you will disentangle from the past, understand those experiences and use them for your greatest good.

Learn to let things go

Anything that is painful contains a gift and information, which is able to be unraveled and revealed, when you are ready. However, let go of the ENERGY of that thing as soon afterwards as you can. The insight can come after.

Return all unwanted energy to wherever it originated from, asking for life to transmute into something else. Learn a system of letting go that allows you to move through life unencumbered and unburdened by people’s nonsense.

Stay true to yourself, who you are and what you know

There is an inherent wisdom, knowing and common sense that is yours alone and it is immensely valuable if honoured and well applied.  Be open to learn new things, but don’t compromise you in the process. Don’t give up your values to be accepted.

Learn the art of discernment

Not everyone is kind or caring or has your best interests at heart. Don’t go around treating everyone as your friend. Some people aren’t.

People won’t necessarily share your perspectives or ability to reason and aren’t always capable of recognizing Universal truth. That is okay, just get on with being you, it’s none of your business.

Judgment sucks and creates Pain

Don’t judge others and ESPECIALLY don’t judge you. We can only judge things we are or have done ourselves. Judgment doesn’t help you become better or help anyone else either. It just keeps perpetuating more crap that everyone is trying to avoid.

Don’t try to reason with people who inflict pain on you. Instead wonder why you feel pain and put your energy into clarifying that. Don’t make other people’s opinions more important than your own. That is the worst injustice you can do to yourself.

Perfectionism is a Recipe for procrastination and misery

Give up perfectionism, it is one of the biggest wastes of your energy there is. Care, do your best, take care of the details to a great standard and then LET IT GO. Otherwise you are wasting time.

Treat your body well. Learn to connect with what it is telling you

Your body is like a radio antenna which is constantly aware of things. It will try to tell you stuff via pain or symptoms as it doesn’t have a voice. If you can figure out the language of your body and honour it, you way forward will be so much easier.

Use humour and don’t take yourself too seriously

Life is a grand old adventure. We are here to create, to expand, to commune with other souls and to grow. Don’t take it too seriously. Spirit doesn’t, why should you? I once had a friend say to me “Wear life like a lose garment”. That made a lot of sense.

Be proud of who you are

You have much to offer the world. You are such a gift to the planet, to yourself and to others or you wouldn’t be here. Keep going forwards no matter what. Learn to trust that things always work out well for you and they will.  There is a bigger plan at play here and in time you will understand.

You are the divine embodied

You are capable, beautiful beyond your knowing and you have a loving heart. Always trust this. It will take you years to find out who you truly are and to connect with your soul purpose. It is magnificent and worth the pain. Try not to be hard on yourself in this process. All is well, you are loved and you never walk alone.


This blog is written by me but is based on principles taught in Access Consciousness. A modality which I teach and use in private sessions.

I love the Access views on healthy relating as they are so contributive and generative and yet practical. They allow for growth and creativity and yet don’t have a basis in co-dependence or unhealthy relating the way many spiritual models do.

Did you know that ‘relationship’ refers to the distance between two objects? How interesting that term is defined by proximity rather than by quality.

Here are the five Aspects of Healthy Relating.


Always honor the other person (whilst also honouring you of course). To honor means to hold in high regard, which I interpret as follows:

You speak to your partner as the highest version of themselves. What this means is that we don’t hold in place past grievances or resentments, we just speak straight to their soul and act as if they are always going to come from the place of highest integrity, as we must do with them.

You have no agenda for them, other than their highest good and well-being whatever that looks like. You place what’s good for them ahead of what you may want from them every time.

It’s no one else’s job to provide us with anything other than to choose to be in relationship with us from day to day if they wish and to choose to create with us and to be truly present with us in doing so. If their highest good were to leave us, we should be happy for them on their journey ahead of sad for ourselves. That is honouring rather than obligation.

2. Allowance

Know that the other person will always be operating from what’s right for them and be in allowance of their choices, even if you don’t approve or agree.

Sometimes people need to make poor choices to grow and although we can give our opinion if asked, it doesn’t mean that they will choose for them based on what we think they should do.  

Being in allowance means you don’t judge the other person and make them wrong and you don’t allow yourself to get caught up in reacting to them.

In other words, their choices have nothing to do with you. We are great at personalizing things, in reality though little of what others choose is about us at all.

By practicing non-judgment your good feelings towards them can flow and you can receive the other person and they you in order to enjoy one another, to have fun and create together.  

3. Appreciation

“Appreciation is adoring someone in all their awesomeness without expectation” – Rose Aitken

For most people being appreciative may be as close to experiencing unconditional love as they will get.

For almost everyone their definition of love involves conditions such as “I love you as long as you don’t embarrass me”, “I love you as long as you fulfil the conditions of being my arm candy”, “I love you as long as you keep me company and make me feel good about myself”.

Gratitude is a lower vibration than appreciation and implies relief. “I’m so glad you helped me with this”, “Thank you getting my car going today”, “I’m grateful you did this for me”.

Appreciation acknowledges what is amazing about the other person without attachment and therefore is a practical way of loving.

4. Vulnerability

When we have barriers up which most of us do much of the time, we aren’t being truly vulnerable. Other people sense when we are comfortable in our own skin, are really present with them and being totally ourselves.

This is an awesome gift as we give them permission to do the same and we show them we trust them (and trust ourselves) in the process.

To be vulnerable takes courage, lack of attachment to outcome and some wisdom about the situation. It is a risk, but applied well results in enormous gain and the ability to be fully engaged with ourselves, with others and all of life.

5. Kindness

To me this is a given and is obvious. Just be kind. We have a choice how we behave and interact with others and anything goes as long as it’s kind.

It pays to be aware of what others can handle or deal with and if you can understand that, you will do well in terms of delivering what is kind for them.

Being kind to ourselves is so important also as our relationship with ourselves is the most important one we will ever have. It encourages other people to be kind to us and value us also.


1.Eliminate Unhelpful Thoughts, Feelings and Emotions

“Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. To change your circumstances you must change your internal attitudes, beliefs and emotions” Reuben Cheve

Don’t be critical of and negative towards yourself, or think ill of other people and situations. It’s pretty tough to win at life, if your outlook is miserable and impossible to build success over the top of that. It may not be your fault you think that way, as we are heavily entrained and conditioned to certain perspectives. However, changing how you think is your responsibility.

There are many methods and ways of disabling negative thought patterns. To do this thoroughly, it is a matter of destroying the negative underlying beliefs that may be deeply ingrained. For this to work, you have to be willing to take a leap of faith and make the effort. It requires honesty and an ability to self reflect.

This will always be a worthwhile decision. Without your limiting thoughts and beliefs you will have greater ease, less resistance and be able to excel and win at life more often. This creates momentum and progress on a new trajectory, which wasn’t previously possible.

2. Everything Can Be Changed

When we believe change is possible, it is. I see miracles happen often within my life, the work that I do, in my client sessions, the classes that I teach or attend, in my colleagues lives and their work also.

To achieve your own miracle, you have to want the chang, more than anything else and be willing to undertake whatever is required to get there.

The two reasons people desire change is in pursuit of pleasure, or to avoid pain.

Pain is useful, as it is our inner self telling us we have work to do.

Life is designed to be lived in joy. Any time we are unhappy we are away from our natural state.

We don’t have to tolerate feeling unhappy. If we are that is nature’s way of telling us to change our thinking or change the situation.

3. Don’t waste time on Regrets

Nothing is ever wasted and there are no right and wrong choices, only different choices. Too many times we are taught to expend energy on regretting something that never was for us. This is the true waste of our time and talents.

We are taught to tough out a bad situation long after its expiry date to ‘not quit’ and to ‘get the lesson’. Whilst always being open to receive awareness and learn about ourselves and others is good, don’t apply these principles to your detriment.

If it feels bad it is, choose again. If it lights you up from the inside, that’s also a sign. It’s not frivolous, too easy or wrong. Always trust what you know.

4. Life Happens For you and not to you

You are an epic creator and everything that shows up in relation to you, is something that you have attracted for your progress, growth or development.

We can’t change what we can’t own and often when we seek to improve our lot, we may not realize the extent to which we are powerful and in control of ourselves and our lives.

We may feel that circumstances brought us to this point, that life is hard or unfair and that we have been harmed by other people. Perhaps you are sick, broke, your family are assholes, or your spouse has just left and you think that is the source of your troubles.

The thing is never the source of our troubles, it is always us. This can be a very challenging shift in logic to make and may make you uncomfortable or angry to read. Reality is, nothing can be painful unless we attribute a meaning to it that is upsetting. Even if someone close to you dies or betrays you, that is still not the source of your pain. You may have a lot of emotion to release around that thing, but how you give meaning to those events is up to you. There are a lot of spiritual perspectives for example on death, that allow us to understand that person’s passing in a different way from the scary and lonely one that we may have been taught.

Huge challenges and difficulties are always chosen by our soul in advance of our coming here, so we can do the work of change. We aren’t taught this, so things can seem very unfair and perhaps we expect life to be easy or pleasant all the time. We don’t grow through ease. When life gets tough, we can resist and prolong our misery, or we can throw ourselves into the fire and learn new ways. These will afford us insight, learning, integration and healing that leaves us wise and altered.

5. Empathy/Sensitivity is a huge advantage used right

Most empaths react emotionally to things and are also aware of other people’s thoughts, feelings and emotions. They are often crippled by the intensity of this capacity and don’t know what to do with it.

Think about it a little deeper. Being aware of what others are feeling and thinking is a super power, but not if you are going to react to that information and be upset by it.

I teach my empathetic clients to separate the energy of what they are perceiving from the awareness or information. It then becomes a super power, instead of a hinderance.

6. Change doesn’t have to be slow or difficult

In my experience, the first way to create change is to remove anything blocking you from receiving personal change and being/doing/having that trait, quality or thing.

You will then have to take consistent action to create new results. When we clear blocks, we get to fill that space with what we would prefer to have. Including different thoughts, feelings and emotions, new ways of being or habits, friends, lifestyles or outcomes.

Sometimes after clearing a block, it takes a bit of adjustment to get our head around how rapidly changes show up. Particularly if we have been experiencing stuckness for a while. We may know the change we desire to make, but have fear or discomfort embodying the shift required. A good coach or facilitator can ease us into it.

Gone are the days where change is slow and exceedingly hard. Humanity is rapidly accelerating and the collective consciousness is raising. There are more and more techniques for improvement being brought to earth. There are many gifted light workers, coaches and facilitators around to choose from.


With Christmas just passed and the New Year almost upon us, it’s not just the poor or elderly that can be feeling miserable. It’s often people in their 20s, 30s and 40s who may be feeling it. They may have no family, dysfunctional families, be depressed, broke, sick, or maybe their friends are away, leaving them more isolated than normal. 

That sensation can be highlighted by the thought of everyone else excited and happy. It’s easy to imagine others part of big, loving, fun groups of people, enjoying presents, nice food, places and good times. Everything that would usually serve as a distraction may be shut down over the holiday period as well. This almost amplifies those aspects of life that maybe aren’t serving so well, or that feel empty and unsatisfying.

If you recognize you in some of that and it feels hopeless, please know, it can and does get better. This is an opportunity to create your life differently. There are some things you can do to have a different possibility now and in the future:

1.Recognize you are a soul having a human experience

You may be feeling detached from, separate and unsupported by others because of the way our society and families operate, but you are never alone.

You are surrounded by beings without bodies who love and support you. We all have a ‘team’ that is around us at all times, we are just not taught how to be aware of them, notice them or even how they communicate with us.

Just knowing this can ease the pain a little and give a sense of a bigger picture. Your soul is way more than the sum of your human suffering in this lifetime, but we come here without a memory of what was before. We can feel cast adrift, confused and lost as a result.

There is a bigger picture at play and there are experts who can help you gain more understanding and peace with your emotions and inner journey.

Reading some books by Doreen Virtue, going to classes or workshops can be a good start. Many begin with learning to meditate or journaling to connect with their spiritual capacities, their inner wisdom or higher self. There are many local groups or videos on Youtube available which may help.   

2. Understand we choose our parents, the body we are in and our challenges for each life time

If things seem overwhelming, it may be that you aren’t acknowledging the potency of you. We aren’t taught how to do this, so it’s not surprising when this happens.

We never get challenges that are bigger than us. It can seem that way when we are ill equipped with the right tools and skills to cope. Perhaps we aren’t connected with our resilience and/or we are surrounded by those who are unkind, neglectful or ill equipped to support us.

If you are encountering difficult and prolonged challenges, on some level, you are able to cope with them and part of your soul purpose for this lifetime is to out-create and expand beyond these.

Sometimes we need guidance on how we can accomplish this and to explore fresh perspectives, knowledge, information and ways of doing things.

Being comfortable NEVER got anyone to examine their spiritual capacities, look beyond what they already know and ask bigger questions.

If you are asking those questions, there is a reason. That is something to celebrate and get excited about.

3. Stop seeing yourself as a victim and do things differently

Often we may experience things we don’t know how to handle when young which may leave us feeling stricken, vulnerable or traumatized. Or our role models and family members may be chronic victims or have chaotic personalities. We then absorb this way of looking at the world and can begin to experience this as our truth.

We aren’t born with a manual for handling this reality, nor do most of us get to learn about consciousness before we are thrown out into life. However, it is never too late to unlearn dis-empowering perspectives and connect with our own guidance and wisdom.

Empathetic people may struggle more than most as their extra level of awareness.  When others dislike them or are judging them is often overwhelming.

Your empathy is actually a super power once you know how to use it for you and not against you.  As a recovering empath myself, I know it is infinitely possible to have a happy, easy and potent life. You can actually have some pretty cool advantages, once you know how to create that way.

Come and do an empowering workshop in the New Year, seek out some coaching sessions or some new personal development practices.

4. Take two more steps forward

Whatever that looks like for you, just take those steps…

Whether it is taking a nice bath, imagining something you are looking forward to, cleaning the house, having a clear out, eating your favorite food, posting on Facebook, calling a friend or visiting the library.

Maybe it is going for a walk, seeing a movie or listening to something soothing and good for the soul on You tube.

I highly recommend Matt Kahn, Bentinho Massaro or Esther Hicks chanelling Abraham if you are looking for upliftment, new knowledge, comforting vibes and inspiration.

5. Never give in and never give up!

You are way more powerful than you know and way more magical and capable than you have ever been lead to believe.

Unfortunately most of us are entrained to unconsciousness and fear through our conditioning, rather than empowered to find the greatest expression of us and to operate from there.

Whatever is bothering you whether it is situational or deeper than that, it can change. You can change it with the right tools, knowledge and support and with self awareness and determination. 

We are taught to believe that we should accept our lot in life, but this is a lie of magnitude. If you are fed up it’s because you know something greater is possible for you and for the planet.  If you don’t fit it, it’s because you are probably here to help build a better, new world.

There is such a different possibility available to us all, once we start to undo our programming and look at things from our own potency. That takes some work, but it is the real job we are here to do. It’s not about paying the bills till we die.

You are a beautiful soul, you are here for a reason and I would like to thank you for stopping by and reading this post.

If you want to chat, please send me a message

With love

Rose xox  


Here are some practical and more advanced strategies for handling anxiety, that might benefit you or someone you know who is struggling.

1.Take your focus off you and put it onto others in social situations

What we focus on grows, so here’s an interesting point of view that may allow you to feel less in the grips of anxiety and more in control of your physiology.

Please note this is an advanced tool and isn’t for everybody or isn’t necessarily relevant for you right now, but as you progress and move forwards, you may like to refer back to this article, or just remember this bit for later on.

When you are feeling good, learn about other people, notice their insecurities, see how they respond under different conditions. Realise that everyone has fears and things that make them uncomfortable.

Interestingly, sometimes the people we feel worst around are also in the grips of their own anxieties and insecurities and we are noticing this energy and being affected by it which is why there is some kind of negative reaction there.

See if you can take on the role of putting others at ease. Funnily enough, because you have anxiety, you will likely be very good at sensing how to do this. You can start to benefit from your previous experience as you help others and develop your capacities for demonstrating care and awareness of others too. It’s difficult to be both responsible and afraid at the same time. Anxiety usually takes place when the body is passive, so participating in this manner can provide a helpful distraction from ourselves.

Explore how you can contribute in a social situation. This works because it can take you out of your default anxious setting and get you interacting from a totally different perspective. Practice actively listening to whomever is talking, enjoy their story or what they are sharing, be supportive or funny. If you do better moving your body, offer to help the host with dishes or laying the table, take people’s orders or go and get water for your group.  

Add value instead of being fearful and putting the energy of discomfort among others. This isn’t victim shaming, this is an energetic, personal decision that is incredibly empowering. (I’ve been through horrible anxiety and this is one thing that definitely helped me).

When I started to understand that I made others uncomfortable with my anxiety, I wasn’t happy about that and as began to take responsibility for every aspect of how I showed up the world, my life and patterns of anxiety began to shift and change.

“It’s not how we feel that matters in the end, it’s what we do that makes us brave”. Andre Agassi

Please note, if you aren’t ready for this tool, I am not suggesting you run contrary to your awareness if you need to leave a situation. Nor am I suggesting that you be the life and soul of a gathering when you feel contracted and terrible. This is a perspective to apply once you are starting to feel better.

2. Stop making other people’s opinions more important than yours

People who have been bullied or abused, always make other people’s opinions of themselves more important than their own.

What do I mean by this?

The person who has been traumatized always feels wrong, or like they are responsible for anything bad that happens. It’s their default setting and lends itself to feeling socially awkward and anxious.

Even if these people know they are kind and caring and they treat others with respect, if someone has a bad opinion of themselves for any reason, they will side with the other person. It’s like having the dial of personal acceptance on the ‘reject’ setting.

It is a painful way to show up in the world and to change this takes reprogramming some deep-seated beliefs. For these who are shame-based, usually body work is required to intervene in the physiological response associated with these thought patterns.

Do the work with a professional to change why this is and you will be more easily able to hold your own space (sense of self) and feel more empowered relating to others.  

People can feel when we give our power away and our energy doesn’t match our behaviour and whilst most people will ignore it, you can feel vulnerable  and this will definitely feed into an anxiety disorder.

3. Apply Good Recovery strategies on a bad anxiety day

If you can bounce back and regain a calm state sooner, you are better able to manage and strategize to handle your anxiety in terms of the big picture.

You have to recognize that you acknowledging yourself with kindness, caring for your body and refusing to dwell in the upset that anxiety can cause, is conducive to temporary good management and long-term recovery.

Here are some post anxiety tools that I used to use to feel better:

  • Talking to my body. Thanking it for the awareness that the anxiety was giving me and telling it, “I’ve got the awareness now, thank you, you don’t need to keep giving it to me/you can turn down the intensity in future”.

Sometimes this works brilliantly and opening the pathway of communication with our body can give a lot of relief.

Bodies do respond to acknowledgment, gratitude and kindness and if anxiety is the thing that gets you communicating with your body that can assist you a lot in many areas such as diet, exercise and well-being.

  • Acknowledging that you can’t change what’s happened, you can only move forward wiser and better equipped in future, so there is no point staying in shame, blame or regret over an anxiety attack that has happened.

It can be very painful acknowledging that we aren’t always in control of ourselves and difficult accepting that maybe some aspects of our physiology are reflecting that.

  • I always found resolving to manage better in future and re-committing to over come my anxiety helpful – in other words reconnecting to my inner motivation and reminding myself of how far I had come and all the things I was doing to continue improving.
  • Clearing my focus or pre-occupied thoughts by thinking about something I was looking forward to unrelated to the anxiety.
  • Putting a break between the anxiety and whatever was next by having a sleep and ‘re-setting’ my physiology and vibrational state.
  •  Further changing my state by moving my body, going for a run or having a body work session to create change and relax.
  •  Journaling (not always but when required, to clear my mind and gain more clarity around things).


When people aren’t willing to be certain things or energies – for example successful or rich, they envy others who have done the work of creating those things.

We may be envious of someone we know who was born into a rich, wealthy family because their life seems so easy and they just appear to swan around the world having fun. Or maybe it is someone who is popular and loved by everyone, or a person that appears to have the ‘perfect’ family and domestic life.

You chose to come here this time around, you chose the struggles you are currently observing and experiencing. You chose your lack and limitation, your family, your health challenges and your level of abundance.

The good news is we have free will and all of this can change. We can also deviate from (perhaps) our original intentions and turn this opportunity at life into something absolutely magnificent and beautiful.

Take me for example. I have succeeded far more in this life time than someone with my challenges could reasonably expect to. I wasn’t accepting the limitations I was experiencing. In fact I was going to out-create them no matter what it took!

In the process of overcoming my past, I discovered an enormous amount, I became conscious and developed into a different person. I became immensely proud of myself and I discovered I have an extraordinary resilience, I am an incredible person with many talents which I am now loving developing to achieve my real aims for being here – being in service to others and helping effect change on the planet one person at a time.

I do not share this information to boast, but to inspire. Here are six things you can do to kick envy for good and become a more fulfilled, happier version of you.

1.Use other’s success as a source of Inspiration

One of the secrets to getting to where I was, was not to look at what others had that I didn’t and to be envious of them, but to look at what they had and think “If they can do that, I can too”. Now, where do I start?

I became quite strategic about emulating the attributes I saw in others that I admired and in so doing have been more able to succeed in my own life. It’s not about copying them as a person, it’s about learning from them and re-creating the strategies that have enabled them to succeed in their field or endeavors.  

2. Ask Conscious Questions and get Curious

When I noticed someone knocking it out of the park, instead of thinking “that’s so unfair they have that and I don’t”, I would think “Omg, that’s so cool, how can I create something that amazing or even better”?

I would ask questions to gain more insight and understanding:

  • How did they do that?
  • Can I replicate that (in my way) with my talents and abilities?
  • If so, how?
  • What do I need to do and how can I make that work for me?
  • What are my limitations – what do I need to change, do or be different, to develop those traits that they are using?

If you admire something in someone else, it’s because you already possess some measure of those attributes yourself. So, you already have more than you realize to work with.

3. Research and Implementation

You may need to do some research to learn how to become the best at something, especially if you haven’t succeeded in that area before. Don’t worry though, because if it were unattainable for you, you most likely wouldn’t be interested in that thing in the first place.

You may need to read about establishing successful habits, how to get the most from your brain or emotions, managing time better, being more accountable or how to excel as a manager or leader. You need to figure out how to implement or incorporate those things into your daily routine or life, so you can achieve the success you desire.

This is where a coach can be incredibly helpful and supportive, giving us feedback and ideas and encouraging us when it gets tough and offering great tools to assist with the implementing especially around dealing with fears and limitations.

4. Be really Happy for others when they Succeed

Because we are all one, someone else’s success, it literally like yours. When anyone has a win and contributes greater to humanity, the collective is raised and we all benefit.

When you can become genuinely happy in your heart for other’s success, you are ready to create and command that level of success in your world.

How you feel about others success is a great indicator of where you are functioning from.

5. Be around others who can Support your Success

All the personal development gurus say it and it’s true. If your tribe are a bunch of unemployed drop kicks and you don’t know anyone who’s killing it, you’re going to struggle to become who you want to be.

It’s not impossible, but most times it will be harder than ever when our people, playgrounds and things, don’t support our aims and maybe even run counter to them by way of bad habits, negative associations and victim or poor thinking.

I have a personal rule of having people in my life doing way better than me who I can look up to (and contribute to – I find a way). There are those at my level who I am friends with and who support me and I them. Then there are those who aren’t yet where I am at who I encourage and lift up, because it makes the world a better place for all of us.

6. Fill your world with inspiring social media and books

It’s much easier to grow if you are surrounded by upliftment, helpful information and conducive energies. If you’ve never thought about it, start to explore who you would like to follow and what works for you.

Here’s some questions to set you on your path…

  • Who do I admire most in the world and what is it about them?
  • What aspects of their success can I replicate in my Universe?
  • How can I get the information I need to start to become as expert as they are?
  • Who can support me to get there?
  • What can I change today/right away that will facilitate me on that journey?
  • What do I believe about myself that I would need to change to become that version of me?


I receive a lot of questions about narcissism and why good people become narcissistically abused. Whilst there are obvious psychological reasons, this question is most satisfactorily answered on a soul level.

From a psychological perspective, children who have difficult upbringings will frequently become either narcissistic or empathetic as a result of their childhood experiences.  

I believe it’s soul choices that determines for each life time a person’s family, their challenges, themes to explore and who they will become. Although we always have free will, people tend to go into one camp or the other subsequently and that is the result of what the soul is choosing.  

On a basic societal level, I see a lot of hatred being directed at narcs and victim energy attached to empathy. Whilst this is understandable, if maintained, it ultimately prevents progress and healing. The only ‘job’ narcissism has from a spiritual perspective is, that narcissists are contributing to change for empaths and for the planet. 

They are wrecking balls for change for those they affect, forcing people to choose evolution in order to recover from their own childhood wounding and the effects of adult narcissistic/empath relationships. 

In the process of addressing this, the empath will expand, heal and grow in awareness to a level of functionality, where they are free, if they are brave enough. This is a very confronting choice to make and a path I know all too well. For me it was “I do this, or I will die” option. The level of personal development required to flourish beyond narcissistic abuse is epic, however the rewards are great. 

If you are at that place of choosing, know that after abuse you can become healed, wise as a result of your experience and empowered and savvy enough to avoid making the same choices in future:

Here are three helpful pieces of advice to consider:  

1.Start Using Your Empathy as a Superpower Instead of Destroying yourself With it

Start recognizing your ability to know things about other people. Instead of being crippled by it, study or undergo some coaching to learn how to use it to your advantage.

Empaths by definition possess the ability to know without being told, what is going on emotionally for others. They sense when someone  needs something from them and often feel compelled to deliver this, without being asked. This prevents the other person from pain or consequence.

In this process, the empath ignores their own needs and leaves themselves open to being manipulated by a narcissist. Usually the empath has had to provide emotionally for upset adults when they were little. Therefore, they may automatically do the same thing to their partners and indeed seek out needy adults, with which to form relationships.

Feeling other people’s pain and problems doesn’t have to be crippling and destructive. Empaths can regard what they perceive about others as a source of valuable information which gives them an enormous advantage in life.  Once they can see this, they can use it to contribute to others where it is most needed, (as a choice) and to communicate with great accuracy and kindness.

For this to happen, empaths need to stop being victims and learn to serve themselves ahead of others.  They can tap into their awareness as a super power, instead of a form of servitude that leaves them last.

Much of our conditioning runs in direct opposition to this and therefore some deep inner reflection and shifting of beliefs is required here.

2. Take full Responsibility

If you are repeatedly hooking up with narcissistic partners, it doesn’t mean there are no good men/women left in the world, it means there is something in you that was broken in your childhood that you are re-creating as an adult.

This isn’t victim shaming. It is inviting you to take responsibility enough that you can begin to change the patterns you may have inside yourself that are destroying you, through other people.

Your narcissistic partners/workmates/family members are gifting you the awareness you need to heal you.

The experiences you may have encountered with narcissistic abuse may have been devastating. The aftermath may feel soul destroying, however it is up to you what you do with that and how you move forward, for the rest of your life. 

You can let it define and destroy you, or, you can let it motivate you to develop understanding, heal and to develop wisdom and self-awareness.

Many people who make that journey also end up as healers, because healing the narc/empath dynamic is a life altering, profound experience.

3. Learn About Red Flags and Acknowledge them

One trait all narcissistically abused empaths have is, they rigorously explain away, defend, justify or ignore red flags raised by other’s behavior.

We often have a gut feeling about someone and where they are functioning from. But we are entrained by society to ‘be reasonable’ and if we can’t identify what feels off, we must continue to give that person the benefit of the doubt.

That is absolutely wrong and is one contributing factor, to empaths getting continually caught up in other people’s trauma and drama.

As a little person in their family of origin, the empath has had to explain away the poor, hurtful and unloving traits of their significant adults. Unaddressed, that trait will result in poor consequences for them as adults. Unfortunately they sanction unacceptable behavior, long after others would have set boundaries and/or left.  

Educate yourself about common red flags and reflect on which ones occurred in your experiences that you didn’t notice. A life coach can help you examine and reflect upon these, see your previous patterns and dismantle them.


I frequently see many people on social media touting ‘self love’ as a cure for all sorts of emotional issues.

Self love isn’t a cure for emotional problems. When we do the hard work to remove problems, our frequency raises and this allows us to be filled up with love and to receive it from ourselves, from source and from others. 

For me ‘self-love’ means I hold a space of love for everyone and everything I come in contact with (as much as humanly possible). That way I am bathed in love and I get to feel phenomenal most of the time. 

I also perceive energetically, the highest version of someone – who they are becoming and who they could be and speak straight to that aspect of them, which makes them (and me) feel good. 

I had to do a lot of inner work to get to loving. Here are some of the ways I accomplished this: 

💗 Remove your emotional baggage

Get help to do this if you need to, but as long as you are filled up with pain, conflict, negativity from others or the residue of difficult experiences, you can’t/won’t be able to connect easily with love. 

Science has proven that doing mirror work or affirmations doesn’t work when we are divorced from our inner self through emotional issues. 

💗 Forget ‘Self Love’ – Practice Self-Care, Self-Respect and Self Awareness Instead

Taking amazing care of your body is paramount for doing well in life. Self respect means you have healthy boundaries, a healthy self discipline and respect for others and all of life. 

Have regard for yourself and your talents and abilities, for how you treat others. Nurture these qualities and be proud of them. 

Nail this and pretty soon you can hold a space where love can flow through you and to everyone you know. Then people become drawn to you, as they want what you have and you unconsciously give them permission to be that way too. 

💗 Learn Emotional Mastery

This is key to an amazing life. Otherwise you will struggle and never understand yourself and others.  

Without emotional mastery, things that happen will trip you up and take you off course because you will react to things instead of allowing life, expressing your emotions and managing your responses. 

From that space it is hard to be a match for love and to contribute to others as we get caught up in patterns which limit the emotional states we can attain. 

By emotional mastery, I mean learn to understand where your conditioning begins and ends and what your own authentic responses to things are. You learn to let your body express it’s awareness, whilst choosing your thoughts (and feelings based off your thoughts) in any given situation. 

💗 Be kind to Everyone (including yourself) and surround yourself with amazing people

You can be exceptionally kind and still say no. Honor others, appreciate them in your life and be in allowance of their choices. This is pragmatic loving. Decent people will respect no and honor you back. They will see your value.

When people don’t respond in that way, it isn’t a wrongness of you, it’s an awareness of where they are currently at. That is all. You get to chose whether to include those people in your immediate life.

 💗 Become a master of sensing and amplifying appreciation 

Gratitude is okay but appreciation is awesome! Appreciation is when you adore without expectation, people, places, situations, yourself, your situation, all forms of abundance and your experiences. 

Trip out on all the things that make you happy constantly and you become a beacon for love and all kinds of beautiful experiences and synchronicities. 

💗 Having a sense of purpose that lights you up from the inside and drives you to achieve more 

Once you find your purpose for this life time, that sense of God/Universe/Source energy/love is in everything you do. Again this isn’t ‘self-love’, it is connecting with love, being love and allowing you to grow and become the best version of you. 

Don’t focus on the ‘having’ of your goals, but on who you will become in the process of achieving them. This is real humility and it shows. 

When you want to become the person who achieves something, your attachment to outcome lessens and you become different.


For some people who would love coaching, money is an issue causing them lots of grief in their life. In fact, their money problems alone would be reason enough to engage a coach.

The issue is never money, it is always us and money issues are secondary (symptomatic) of other things that are going on.

Although this can seem frustrating and annoying, the exciting news is, if we can create money problems, we can un-create them. What I am talking about is not to be confused with sound strategies for managing and earning money.

If you are struggling with having money and you don’t know about compound interest, budget or save, then you must learn.  If you don’t know how to engage other people’s money to become wealthy, or how passive income works, read some good books on personal, fiscal responsibility. I recommend Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki as a great place to start.

If you already know how to be good with money but you aren’t, it is likely your mindset that is the problem.  That it is likely, subtly undermining your best efforts at good financial management, ease with money and making enough of it.

Just remember:

“When you have an area of life that seems utterly awful, you have an unrealized genius in this area every single time”. Rose Aitken

You might be struggling now, but what if you have an unrealized genius with money that you’ve never considered? What if by applying some simple tools and making some mindset shifts, you could begin to tap into that? You may need to learn how to be a good manager of money and study how to make your money grow. When you change your mindset, those things will fall into place relatively easily.

When you have a good mindset around money and good monetary habits consistently, over time, you will be successful.

Lack of Money reflects a Lack Mindset

A lack mindset is always the result of having low self esteem and self worth, which often corresponds with hardship, abuse, emotional pain or trauma in our lives.  After that experience, the glass always seems half full.  Then, it doesn’t seem to matter how much people gift us, whether we receive a pay rise or a $40 lotto win, there is just never enough and we are never happy.

We may blame it on not enough money, but the problem is we are not aligned with money, because we are carrying emotional baggage.  We aren’t comfortable in our own skin and don’t possess a sense of inner wealth, self sufficiency and we don’t allow ourselves the things we would most like.

For those who have been abused, receiving can seem incredibly painful and difficult.  This includes having money or allowing life and other people to support us.  There is for good reason. In the past whenever we were trusting, (of the wrong people), we may have received good luck, an opportunity or a windfall.  The trouble was, there was always a beating, isolation, manipulation or put downs, not far behind. We learn to associate good feelings and events with bad outcomes afterwards, so we try to block both, telling ourselves we can do it alone.

If this is you, please don’t worry, it can all change.  You can heal and with good support you can manage to re-open your heart, achieve wonderful things and have a flourishing life that is abundant in all ways. If you are reading this article, I’m going to assume you are now ready for creating and receiving greater for yourself.



Unconditional appreciation, is appreciation that is sincere and heartfelt, it uplifts you and contributes to the monetary cycle and all those who provide you services or whom you interact with in the consumption of services or products.

It isn’t “I’m going to be happy now so the Universe gives me some better shit”. “It’s wow! How lucky am I to have the funds to have/buy this”? How lucky I am to live in a society with so many choices? How amazing that barista is at their job?” How great of that guy to pump my gas in the pouring rain….You get the picture.

By giving your heartfelt thanks, the Universe will give you more to be thankful for. Then that cycle in and through your life of consumption will feel lighter, freer. Abundance will be able to flow to you in a lot more ways as you aren’t blocking it with your attitude.

Be excited about every bit of money that comes your way

It’s hard to be happy about receiving money when we are terrified about where the next lot is coming from, worrying and mentally spending it before it even comes in. We are often so consumed with fear of more lack that we forget to be grateful at all.

Were you excited as a kid when someone gifted you money? What would it take to feel that way now? That’s without going into all your adult trauma, your story, fears and worries about how to survive until next week.

Appreciate the people who do things for you

Show your thanks to each person who does something for you when they are work. Be kind to the forecourt attendant, the cashier at the Supermarket, the waitress or barista (You get the idea).

When you are grateful for them, it makes their day.  You are acknowledging your role and value in the cycle of consuming products and services and valuing the people who dispense those to you also.

The result? The Universe will send you more money with which to touch more people’s day.  You will look forward to and value that interaction so much, that it becomes a contribution to you and them.

That might sound flaky, however if what you’ve been doing isn’t working, I highly recommend giving flaky a go. It’s often the things that we most resist that create the biggest change for us when we try them out for ourselves.

Exercise gratitude for your Bills

What’s your attitude when you open those envelopes, is it terror? denial, resignment, hopelessness? Those emotions are having an effect on your levels of abundance. When you get a bill, be grateful that you live in a property with utilities straight to your door, you have a car worth registering, you can go to the Dr when you don’t feel well…Think of how many people on the planet, (something like 90%) don’t have any of those things.

You can get to the point where you see the purchase of these things as a choice and a direct contribution to the awesomeness and abundance that you create.

For example, your water bill means you have clean drinking water, a hygienic house and a beautiful garden in which to sit and contemplate you wonderful life. The internet company provides you with a means to maintain relationships with your amazing friends overseas. You can apply for new jobs and research your hobbies on YouTube, or sell products through your website.


Put the first 10% of everything you earn away for you and don’t spend it no matter what.

When you do this in a Law of Attraction sense, you attract more money for you and you show the Universe you are willing to have money.

There is a difference between HAVING money and GETTING money. Rich people HAVE money, poor people have to GET money. It’s a subtle but important distinction.

When you pay bills first, that is where your focus goes and you are showing the Universe to bring you more bills. If you put your 10% away first and then pay your bills, you are sending a different message.

After you have put 10% away for long enough without spending it, you eventually accrue enough to no longer worry about expenses or unexpected contingencies. From that space creating more money is a breeze, because you fear of not having enough actually recedes never to be seen again.


For some people this is a difficult concept to grasp. Sometimes our ability to receive becomes impaired, particularly if we’ve been through hard times or experienced hardship for a long time.

For those who have been through abuse, they wall themselves off preventing the in-flow of money, kindness and love.

If receiving is a problem for you, this is where dealing with our internal issues that are blocking our inherent ability to receive lots of abundance is important.

Life naturally wants to support you in your growth and development and it isn’t supposed to feel hard (although I know how tough things can be).

Your natural birth right is a flow of ease, money, abundance and love and if we aren’t aligned with that, it can be changed.

Book your appointment here to discuss how I can help


The following is uncensored, raw and possibly speaks to you. I hope it is a contribution…

1. Don’t look for romance to complete you 

You probably won’t want to acknowledge what I’m saying or even read past this point lol, as we are all deeply entrained and conditioned to search for this as if it were real and true.

YOU are your soul mate and any communion, connections or soul contracts with anyone else are either to support you in your growth for a while, or to prompt you into growth from an uncomfortable place.

There is no forever, that is co-dependence and an illusion we have bought into.

2. If you have experienced abuse and it still bothers you, get help 

We are ready when we are ready for help. However, hoping it and it’s effects will go away of it’s own accord, isn’t healthy. 

If you need to seek help, face it, deal with it, put it energetically back where it belongs, reclaim you and ask the Universe to transmute the energy of it into something that is a contribution to the planet.

Get your body sorted as we store everything that ever happens to us in our energy field, cellular memory, neural pathways and cellular memory. (I offer abuse hold sessions if this is relevant for you).

3. Only through self-responsibility for ALL the crap in your life can you change 

This includes the toxic people and the interactions you have/have had with them.

It’s not their fault (although their choices are their responsibility). You manifested them in your life because you are an energetic match for them. (Even if you are victim to their persecutor, it’s on you and never about them).

Deal with you and all that crap will dissolve away and guess what? You will likely not attract more of the same, because when we get the awareness the lesson stops.

This is an inner path to self-discovery and a matter of honoring you and choosing differently based on awareness and growth.

4. Time and tide wait for no man  

Stop waiting for someone else to make your life better. For the lottery win, the fantastic relationship, the pay rise or the new living situation.

Those things may contribute to your choices, but they aren’t the answer to happiness. Your life is NOW.

Only you can improve your life and it takes real work to do that. It’s just the way this reality works.

Don’t be lazy and don’t let fear stop you. People’s biggest regret is ALWAYS what they didn’t do.

5. Happiness is bullshit

We are made to be joyful, ecstatic, blissful beings whose bodies are designed to be whole, healthy and healed.

Most people don’t know this.  They are conditioned to hate and control their body, to abuse it, think stressful thoughts and play small.

All, whilst looking for something elusive called happiness, which doesn’t exist and never has.

Feeling good is a moment by moment job, brought about by long term good actions and decisions.  These align you with bodily awareness, well-being, your spiritual nature, inner purpose, love and contribution to others and the planet.


Whatever the intensity level of your anxiety, it can seem overwhelming, when you’re in it and is therefore confusing.  Any way you can gain more information about it will help you. This article, is to assist you to have the information you need to get sorted.

Armed with this information you are better equipped to find the right combination of workable solution(s) for you.


Do you always get anxious around certain people or in certain environments?

It may be that your body is trying to let you know those scenarios, individuals or places just aren’t for you. Are there certain ‘friends’ or acquaintances who trigger you? Do certain cafes or businesses always feel toxic or unwelcoming, but you don’t know why?

When I first heard this, something landed for me and there was a little chink in anxiety’s armor for the first time.  When I used to become anxious I’d be very upset. Afterwards, I’d waste emotion crying or being upset. Maybe I’d just had another attack around people I’d wanted to impress, or my hands had shaken, paying for something in a cafe with friends. When I began to consider that I might be aware of something about those people or places that I’d never acknowledged, everything changed for me.

I had always thought I was anxious and therefore I was the problem. However, like me, you might just be highly aware. You might be noticing other people’s thoughts and feelings, unwelcoming or toxic environments and heavy energies in certain areas. You might not be all screwed up like you have probably assumed you must be!

What you perceive as anxiety, can be your body trying to move you to more agreeable situations, better suited to your vibe and level of kindness and caring.

Often people who have been through a lot are more highly connected to their own awareness than others. Therefore, it can be easy to fall into the trap of making yourself wrong. What if you were right and your anxiety could be an asset?

That’s a vastly different point of view, I know…

Try it on for size and see how it feels.

At best you’ll start to see your own awesomeness and have a different sense of how things really are.  That can be key to unlocking everything for you and empowering you to another possibility.

At worst you’ll decide I’m full of it and carry on your search elsewhere.


This information is important, because it shows how far progressed your anxiety is and therefore which type of approaches might be the most helpful.

Scientists and psychologists always used to assume that thoughts created feelings which led to anxious symptoms. Now they understand and acknowledge, when that process has been going on long enough, it actually begins to work the opposite way.

If your trigger is your thoughts, do you know what your primary triggering thoughts are about? Is it what others are thinking of you? (This is one of the biggest perceived ‘threats’ in the digital age). Is it that you’ll say the wrong thing, you don’t feel physically attractive enough, cool enough, or is it just a sensation of panic around too many people? There will be some big clues there about your beliefs and areas to work on.

If your trigger is your body creating symptoms, you may require some body work to undo the physiology, before some of the thought based approaches can be valuable to you. Physiologically, we create such well worn chemical pathways in the body, it can be hard to intervene in this process without giving the body some relief/change.


Be glad next time your symptoms arise, because if you can remember this article and what to do, you are about to go a long way to understanding and dismantling your anxiety.

I want you to be the observer in the situation.

Shift your focus from inside the symptoms and being at the effect of whatever is happening and go outside of yourself and observe instead. Notice the sensations and your own reactions to the environment you are in, or to the people you are with. Notice the conversations that are taking place and any contraction you may be experiencing. Witness the specific feelings and thoughts taking place within your body and mind. Don’t react, just observe them as if you were an outsider.

What is it you haven’t been acknowledging that is blatently obvious? What do you push down, ignore and over ride every time this happens? Now there are several things you can do with this information…

You can work with an expert to re-frame this response using this information (so you feel differently in that particular circumstance in future).

Or, you can use the information to become aware of your triggers and choose differently.


I chose three primary strategies for dealing with my anxiety.

ONE – Regarding it as a valuable source of information and treating it that way instead of making myself wrong. Getting curious about it.

TWO – Having Access Bars to unlock the physiological aspects of what was happening. My anxiety was so well established that my symptoms would trigger and kick off feelings and thoughts. Bars was the ONLY tool I every found that could unlock years of worn anxiety pathways in my physiology. 

Freeing the body is one critical aspect that popular psychological treatments miss. For people very connected to their own awareness, I’ve found this a vital yet misunderstood aspect.

THREE – Supporting my body to be less susceptible to cascades of anxious chemistry by implementing better diet and sleep habits and becoming very fit. That way, if and when I was erring towards anxiety, I would likely be more relaxed.

There are many strategies and combinations of solutions that may help you. It’s often a matter of bravely persisting until you figure it out for yourself.

If you would like to speak to me about a program which can help you deal with your anxiety in a vastly different and empowering way, click to apply for a 30 Minute Complimentary Discovery Session

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