I am writing this (of course) partly for myself. None of us are immune to life’s challenges and it is easy to have throw back moments or doubt our ability to cope when we have a few knocks.
What can help, is remembering we aren’t alone, we know how to deal and we can create some strategies for feeling better and taking charge.
Whilst self kindness and compassion are important, so is challenging your beliefs, healing and extracting the juice from these events, so you become strengthened from them.
This is an opportunity to improve your resilience, practice pulling yourself out of a low headspace and refining your ‘crap handling’ process.
1. Act according to who you want to be, not in response to the temporary
The conditions in your life are things you cannot change. They will seldom be perfect and could always be better or worse. They will change when YOU change, not before.
The longer you stay funky, the longer it will take for them to change. I’m not saying don’t have a funk, prolong, or even enjoy it, but know that it’s on you to change the conditions you are reacting to, when you are ready.
2. Patterns blow up in our face when we are ready to release them
We get fed up, frazzled, f**ked off when we are finally ready to release something. Wahooo!!!
If you are about to lose it and that last little straw is at breaking point, then as long as you are half way conscious, that is a recipe for opportunity, change and truth to enter.
If things are really tough it’s because you are ready for a greater version of you to show up and take over. You are not okay functioning from that old paradigm any longer.
Life works from the old breaking down before the new can show up and until we master this game, it can seem unbearable, scary, unmanageable and like we’re not coping. Our distress is a sign of how badly that change is required and can feel excruciating.
Once we have weathered this type of “spiritual/life upgrade” a few times, we learn to recognize it sooner and panic a bit less.
3. Let go, know life is happening for you and practice trust
Sometimes when our last little vestige of pride, self control and cool is in the gutter, we are about to get a huge win. Life has a way of cracking the toughest ego so that a kinder, gentler, more compassionate version of us can show up.
When that’s what’s happening, let go, (all your attempts at control have failed anyway).
Stop resisting and trust that there is a bigger plan playing out. Although we have free will, sometimes we get the opportunity to show up greater than we planned and that doesn’t happen when we are comfortable.
The shit storm isn’t just an unfortunate event, it can be clearing your path so a more refined and wiser version of you can emerge.
We will get back on the path when it’s time and it will either be in a different direction or with heaps of skills and knowledge that we didn’t have before (which actually ultimately helps save time). Either way it’s a win and either way your soul chose that lesson to help you realize who you came here to be.
4. Don’t stay stuck whatever you do
Stuck is the most helpless, painful place to be in my opinion.
Take action towards what you think you might want (even without much clarity, all experiences contribute). On the way, insights will drop in and situations will manifest for your growth and guidance. This is the way in which we co create with life.
5. Kick Judgment to the curb
If judgment is looming large for you right now, remember people judge what you do that they aren’t willing to have. (It makes them feel bad about themselves). Others will attack to cover up what they did, they feel bad about, or are doing, as a defense mechanism.
It can be difficult to accept that people we like, or who we wanted to like us, are functioning from these limitations. Seeing other’s limitations and not taking them personally has taken me a long time to get good at and I’m only just starting to form solid boundaries between me and them where that behavior stays out.
Sometimes this scenario can come down to “I want to value my life, more than I want to be upset right now” and we just choose that in 10 second increments and breathe through it.
People with trauma typically find keeping out other’s poor behavior of their internal realm, thoughts and feelings, extremely difficult. Until we heal enough to develop at least some kind of boundary here, there can be a tendancy to feel shameful or wrong and make the other person’s opinion and reality more significant than our own
If you are reading this, you are already looking to manage your life and feelings better. Well done!