People we are close to may share their feelings, make requests of us or share awarenesses given our permission, however no one in our circle has the right to judge us. (You can read Part 1 of this article here).
This doesn’t mean we are exempt from judgment and often judgment comes from external sources, those in our extended circles or even strangers. This piece is for those who are empathetic or sensitive, as they are naturally affected by judgment and require effective techniques to deal well with it.
People may have a knowing that something we are doing could use a little work, however there is a difference between delivering that kindly, and inviting us to improve, versus angrily, with a huge charge around it or in a way that disempowers or upsets.
The following are eight tools from the modality Access Consciousness that I use in my own life and with clients and students. (You can find more about working with me using these tools here).
1. Say “Thank you for that judgment” and walk away or cease the conversation.
At that point, a normal person has to stop and then defend their judgment, because you have exposed it as such, to everyone in ear shot.
2. To stop an angry tirade in it’s tracks, agree with the judgment
This feels uncomfortable when we first try it, because we want to fight to prove the judgment wrong, and usually we can’t handle the thought that someone has misunderstood us, or is perhaps being unkind.
Instead say to someone “You’re right, I’m a terrible person, how can I possibly make up for all the damage I have caused”? This will stop them point blank. At that stage, most people will say “You’re not a bad person, you just didn’t know you were doing it” and stop being mean.
That buys us time to diffuse a situation, think about things and decide how to proceed from there. This tool might not resonate for everyone, but for those who have enormous trouble stopping a situation from unfolding, this might be a step forwards from increasing hostilities or running away.
3. Put your barriers down and be space instead
When judged, our natural inclination is to fight, push back and defend. If you are strong enough to resist this urge and put your energetic ‘barriers’ down instead. (This is totally counter intuitive), and you will find that there is nothing for the bully to rattle your cage with.
In fact if they try to push up against your barriers and there is nothing there, they will almost literally and metaphorically fall forwards in front of you. This part gets almost entertaining to watch, because these tools, really work.
4. Remember Anger can be a control mechanism
When someone is doing anger dynamically, it is a control mechanism. It’s okay for someone to be angry, it is a normal and natural emotion. However, there is a difference between acting anger out and sharing feelings in a forthright and respectful manner.
Don’t confuse anger and potency. It is possible to communicate feelings, requests or standards with enormous potency and energy of clarity, calm and power. This is 180 degrees different from someone throwing their weight around and reacting to a person or situation.
5. Return the energy of the judgment to sender
You may need to do this once or many times. Send it with consciousness attached (this is a contribution to the other person if they can receive it). If they can’t it doesn’t matter as you are inviting them to become aware. They are either ready or not.
I usually find for me as soon as I return the energy of the judgment, I feel lighter, freer and more relaxed. I have practiced this tool so often that I feel it leaving the cells of my body. There is more involved in this technique. To book your private session with me, go here.
6. Clear any implants activated by the person or their judgments
Often judgments carry with them implants that if left unawares can continue to affect us. These can be cleared pretty easily with the right tool.
Judgments can also activate old energetic states, conditioning or traumas, so it’s good to be aware of this or seek help from a facilitator trained in spiritual psychology if this is going on for you.
This may happen following a fight or confrontation that has you feeling stuck and upset, when you just can’t seem to disengage and get free of it. Contact me here to help with this.
7. Decide if the judgment is true for you
When judgment lands (is truthful and honest in it’s content), it hurts or makes us angry.
If a judgment doesn’t resonate, we won’t react at all, nor will care about it, although we may feel upset about someone’s behavior or treatment of us, or they may have revealed some aspects of them we didn’t know about.
A judgment tells you about the person making it. People always accuse others of what they themselves are doing. And people are always keenly aware of flaws in others if they possess these characteristics or have done so in the past.
Processing judgments may also provide an opportunity to self examine, grow our knowledge of self and heal or move forwards.
Any of those scenarios is a contribution, although not immediately easy to deal with and potentially painful if we are vulnerable, learning to improve ourselves, or be more aware.
8. Take Action appropriate for you
When a judgment is false, discard it, although you may wish to retain the awareness about the person making it.
When a judgment is true and is ‘sticking’ us, we have some options as to how to dismantle it and we may even have some work of our own to do as a result.
Sometimes when we know someone well and they want to hurt us, they may already know where our insecurities lie and may even take a shot at those if they are feeling miserable or low. Just know that people don’t do this from a good place.
This doesn’t condone the judgment, it just helps you know where it was coming from. If something feels painful long after it was said, this is a matter for our attention. If we have returned the energy to sender, turned off implants and it’s still haunting us, it may have been accurate.
If you don’t like something about you and you can acknowledge that, you can change it. If it was a wound or trauma that was stirred up, you can heal it.
You are in charge and you get to decide what is best for you. Both of these options take courage and lead to us growing and getting free of our past.
If you are looking for assistance with changing or healing contact me.