I receive a lot of questions about narcissism and how/why good people become narcissistically abused. This is one question that is best answered on a soul level.
Empaths are created in chaotic families. Children who have difficult upbringings will frequently become either narcissistic or empathic as a result of their childhood experiences.
I believe it’s soul choices (made before incarnation) that determine a person’s family, their challenges for each life time, who someone is going to be and therefore how they will evolve after such experiences.
I see a lot of hate being directed at narcs and a lot of victim energy going on around being an empath. This is wholly unhelpful and unnecessary and prevents progress and healing
Narcissists are contributing to change for empaths and for the planet as a whole. They are in effect a wrecking ball for consciousness and change for those whom they affect.
It certainly doesn’t seem that way when someone has had a recent experience of narcissistic abuse and sometimes the severity of such encounters can seem for a time utterly soul destroying as the magnitude and degree of what has occurred is unraveled and understood.
The important thing to know is that after abuse you can become totally healed, wise as a result of your experience and you empowered enough to avoid making the same choices in future.
Here are 3 helpful pieces of advice for the empath to consider:
1.Start Using Your Empathy as a Superpower Instead of Destroying yourself With it
Start recognizing your capacity to know things about other people. Instead of being crippled by it, study or undergo some coaching to learn how to use this capacity to your advantage.
Empaths by definition possess the ability to know without being told, what is going on emotionally for someone else. They sense when someone else needs something from them and often feel compelled to deliver this, without being asked. This prevents the other person from pain or consequence.
In this process, the empath ignores their own needs and leaves themselves wide open to being manipulated by a narcissist. Usually the empath has had to provide emotionally for upset adults when they were little. Therefore, they will automatically do the same thing to their partners and indeed seek out needy adults, with which to form relationships.
Feeling other people’s pain and problems doesn’t have to be crippling and destructive. Empaths can use what they perceive about others feelings as a source of valuable information which gives them an enormous advantage in life. When they can see their awareness in this way, they can use it to: Contribute to others where it is most needed, (as a choice) and to communicate with great accuracy and kindness.
For this to happen, empaths need to stop being victims and learn to serve themselves ahead of others. They can tap into their awareness as a super power, instead of a form of servitude that leaves them last.
Much of our conditioning runs in direct opposition to this and therefore some deep inner reflection and shifting of beliefs is required here.
2. Take full Responsibility
If you are repeatedly hooking up with narcissistic partners, it doesn’t mean there are no good men/women left in the world, it means there is something in you that was broken in your childhood that you are re-creating as an adult.
This isn’t victim shaming. It is inviting you to take responsibility enough that you can begin to change the patterns you may have inside yourself that are destroying you, through other people.
Your narcissistic partners/workmates/family members are gifting you the awareness you need to heal you.
The experiences you may have encountered with narcissistic abuse may have been devastating. The aftermath may feel soul destroying, however it is up to you what you do with that and how you move forward, for the rest of your life.
You can let it define and destroy you, or, you can let it motivate you to develop understanding, to heal and from that process to develop wisdom and self-awareness.
Many people who make that journey will also end up as healers, because healing the narc/empath dynamic is a life altering, profound experience.
3. Learn About Red Flags and Acknowledge them
One trait all narcissistically abused empaths have is, they rigorously explain away, defend, justify or just ignore red flags raised by other’s behavior.
We often have a gut feeling about someone and where they are functioning from. But we are entrained by society to ‘be reasonable’ and if we can’t identify what feels off, we must continue to give that person the benefit of the doubt.
That is absolutely wrong and is one contributing factor, to empaths getting continually caught up in other people’s trauma and drama.
As a little person in their family of origin, the empath has had to explain away the poor, hurtful and unloving traits of their significant adults. Unaddressed, that trait will result in poor consequences for them as adults. Unfortunately they will justify unacceptable behavior, long after others would have set boundaries and/or left.
Educate yourself about common red flags and also reflect on which ones occurred in your previous experiences that you didn’t notice. A life coach can help you examine and reflect upon these and help you see your previous patterns and dismantle them.