A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE ON HOW TO GET PAST PAINFUL EVENTS AND INTO YOUR POWER

So how do you enact heal when you’ve been badly hurt and what’s required to turn your pain into empowerment and progress?  

1. Learn where you were and weren’t in your awareness

This isn’t to blame, it is to empower you to a different possibility.

If there are things you don’t know, this is an opportunity to become wiser and take a learning curve to being a more informed and perceptive you. 

For example; I had a past relationship where I was narcissistically abused.

My recovery involved:

Learning about toxic narcissism, why empaths are attracted to narcissists and what creates a narcissist. Also:

What was inside me and from my upbringing that left me pre-disposed to engaging romantically with narcissists. Where I was susceptible to missing red flags, how to spot them and set appropriate boundaries.

I was unaware of those traits in other areas of life, and began to see the different permutations and presentations that toxic narcissism can have.

This learning empowered me to understand myself, the world around me and where other people function from. I’ve since come to understand this phenomena on a broader and deeper spiritual and societal level.

2. Take care of your physiology as part of healing

Our bodies house all the pain that we go through and everything we experience that is traumatic is stored in our muscle memory, cellular memory, neural pathways and energy field.

Giving relief to the body is such an important but little understood area of healing and letting go. When we have biochemistry firing off with things like PTSD, the body needs help to reset itself.  

Doing the emotional and spiritual development is part of the puzzle and receiving whatever type of healing works for your body is another important part.

Access bars in particular are proven to be good for changing trauma.

3. Be brave and explore the purpose behind the pain

For most things, when we are being pushed to grow, life gives us a number of gentle opportunities to change and warnings which seem to intensify over time if we ignore them.

When events and challenges arising seem sudden, those are soul challenges playing out for the purpose of our evolution. I have been studying soul pre birth planning and that has become an area of fascination for me. 

We choose our major challenges for each life time ahead of incarnating. Each incarnation has a purpose, and several themes and areas for growth. When we learn to explain our difficulties in light of what the soul was choosing for our highest evolution, events stop seeming random, pointless and unfair.

This doesn’t mean the pain is any less, however we can progress through it with more ease and the understanding we need to get the learn we require. 

Whilst Psychology offers valuable insights into specific behaviors and relationships, spirituality empowers on a soul level, ultimately allowing us to become freer.  

4. Learn any tools which may have empowered you to handle that situation effectively

Knowledge is power

Knowledge applied well is wisdom.

Tools that allow us to practically apply wisdom, empower us.

Once empowered (connected with our own power), we feel safe.

When we are safe, we can thrive

As we thrive, we get happy and can forgive if necessary.

5. Get Grateful

It is possible to do enough work that we are grateful for our most painful experiences and for those that we created them with. I also believe it is possible to do many life times of healing and ascension in one life time.

We step up and evolve when we are ready to do so and sometimes that path can be quite dramatic. Ascension is a word that describes that sort of trajectory in terms of growth and awareness.

Often the people with the biggest contribution to make are given the toughest path as preparation. Souls don’t have a point of view about suffering, pain, trauma and difficulty, only our human selves do. 

It’s only our conditioned human selves that long for an easy life, quick success, loads of fun, money, fame, beauty and whatever else we are seeking. We cannot control what shows up in our life, once we are here.

It’s who we become in the process of dealing with our challenges that is where we have free will and the ability to transcend and thrive.

NINE WAYS TO IGNORE PEOPLE’S BS AND REMAIN ENERGIZED, RESILIENT AND EMPOWERED

1.MANAGE YOUR OWN STATE SO YOU ARE PURPOSEFUL AND IN FLOW

Prevention is better than cure.

Avoid stressful situations and people, by not being an energetic match for them. I do this by being well, energized and in a high vibe state.

When I am clear, fulfilled and purposeful, I seldom encounter the negative. If I do, I barely notice and it slides off again.

TIP: Being focused and aligned with your own trajectory leaves you buoyant, robust and not a match for drama. Therefore you won’t attract it or even notice it, should it show up.

2. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR EMOTIONS, THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AND OTHER PEOPLE’S 

If we are empathetic, we will often be aware of other people’s thoughts, feelings and emotions, without even pausing to check whether it’s our stuff or someone else’s. 

When we are around someone who is sad for example, we may assume it is us who is sad, when in actual fact, we are just aware of their sadness. 

TIP: If we are interrupted by difficult thoughts, feelings or emotions, ask if they are yours. If they aren’t, return them to sender with consciousness attached. (This is actually facilitating the other person to get free of their stuff if they are willing to receive that). This is a tool from Access Consciousness. 

3. IF SOMEONE IS STRUGGLING, SUPPORT THEM, DON’T GO DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH THEM 

When someone you care about is struggling, be there, support, assist and don’t go down with them. We are taught to vibrationally match people’s state, to show caring. All this does is create two struggling people. 

TIP: When helping others, hold your own frequency and stay there. It is actually a better feeling for the person whom you are supporting as they feel safer that way. This takes some practice and can feel weird at first, then it feels really good. 

4. MAKE A DECISION NOT REMAIN AT THE EFFECT OF ANYTHING AND TO TAKE EFFECTIVE ACTION INSTEAD

Can you remember a time when someone did something dreadful and you observed it, just carried on and didn’t let it affect you? We can do that a lot more often than we do. 

When we are healed, we can’t be triggered, if we allow someone to trigger us, we have some internal work to do of our own.

TIP: If something is bothering you, take an honest look at who’s problem it is. If you are reacting, you have some work to do. 

If someone is behaving appallingly, deal with the behavior, set boundaries if necessary and move on. Often the lesson here becomes where we missed red flags and allowed the wrong person in. 

If we have done this, it pays to move forwards and learn from this, so we can become more powerful in our own knowledge of human nature. 

5. BECOME EDUCATED AND EMPOWERED 

When I was younger, everything was about me because I had buried trauma. I felt so vulnerable, if anyone did anything nasty towards me or doubted me, I felt super upset and didn’t know what to do about it. 

Now I have evolved so much, healed so much and learned so much about human behavior, I see where others are functioning from and I am free to react or not, it is nothing to do with me. 

TIP: If we are empowered, we can let all of life flow around us, trusting ourselves and our own judgment and holding our own space, because we have done the inner work. 

We can only be at the effect of someone else if we are making them more powerful than us. 

6. BE CONSCIOUS OF WHO OTHERS REALLY ARE

Consciousness is knowing that people will always be true to who they are, what they know and what works for them in the world. This is true, whether you like or believe in them, or regardless of whether you see their potential or think they are a good person.

TIP: Take off your rose coloured glasses and be truly honest with yourself about who people really are. Don’t project onto someone else who you can see they could be, or who you would like them to be for you. 

Don’t attribute your values to others and then get hurt when people don’t treat you as you would them. They will always be who they are and they don’t have your heart.   

7. CLEAR OUT YOUR OLD EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE TO GET FREE 

Old traumas and unhelpful beliefs form a filter through which we view everything, leaving us unnecessarily reactive to situations and to people.

 Not only that, the Universe will bring us and more and more instances of those type of people and situations, until we heal.  We owe it to ourselves to get free and not be a walking target, with those things stored in our field for others to unconsciously read. 

TIP: See a trusted coach or therapist or body worker, who can work with you to shift and heal your old wounds and traumas that are currently unresolved with you. 

As scary as this is, it is a huge route to freedom and to upgrading everything in your life. 

8. REFLECT ON YOUR AWARENESS WITHOUT JUDGMENT OR CONCLUSION  

We are taught in our culture in order to stay safe from people who are doing bad or wrong, we need to judge them as being separate and different from us.

We can just be aware who they are and what they get up to, without thinking too much about it.

TIP: It is a conscious choice to allow. We don’t know the reasons others are that way and where they are at in their soul journey.

9. DON’T ARGUE WITH INSANITY

“Never argue with a fool. He will pull you down to his level and beat you with experience” Mark Twain

If we are sensitive, arguing the rightness of our point of view can be damaging. If powerful within ourselves, we don’t confront, we just know and we just choose accordingly.  

TIP: Self-actualized folks who are healed are circumspect. They allow others to be where they are at, whilst acknowledging that change is always possible, and they are not attached to that outcome.

The ways you can be unaffected by others are :

  • Making yourself happy
  • Healing old hurts and limitations
  • Being aware of where others are functioning from
  • Allowing them to be that way without reaction
  • Trusting in what you know
  • Don’t make others more powerful than you
  • Not judging – it messes us up and them
  •  Understanding Human Behavior
  •  Having Emotional and Energetic Self Mastery – know what is yours and what isn’t

HOW TO GO FROM COURAGE TO CONFIDENCE VIA CHANGE

If you are reading this, perhaps you have some issues causing consistent problems or frustrations in your life.

You know you need to change and you really want to but how do you know how to get where you want to go and which actions will get you the right result? Who do you go to?

Once you have done your research and figured out your answer and have the funds to invest, there is one more thing has the potential to stop you in your tracks.

That thing is FEAR.

Changing who and how we are goes against our biological urge for safety and survival. If you are considering embarking on a significant journey of change and you are terrified, know that your instincts are serving you well and then choose change anyway.

“A year from now, 12 months will have elapsed and you’ll either have taken the journey (to achieve your dreams) or you won’t. Imagine how that’s going to feel either way…Now choose” – Rose Aitken

Five years ago, when everything I knew began to fall apart, so something better could show up, I had many, many fears, however, despite these I KNEW life was meant to be wonderful. I KNEW I had untapped potential. I BELIEVED I COULD CHANGE.

The following thoughts were rooted firmly in my head:

  • I was afraid I would be the only person that making thechanges didn’t work for.
  • I didn’t want to spend a lot of time and money working for something that might still leave me with the same problems
  • I might hate being the new version of me
  • The journey might be too hard or painful, or I might get to a point I can’t get beyond and feel stuck there.
  • I might change so much that everyone hated me. Hell, I might hate me too.
  • I might become an uptight pain in the ass that is no fun and too serious.
  • The pain and trauma might continue, but just in a different way/on a different level and I might not know how to deal with that either.
  • Life might suck after the changes, just in a different way.
  • My anxiety might be unchangeable. It had been until that point.
  • And on….and on….

I chose change anyway and here’s what happened.

It hurt, a lot and my progress was often painfully slow. I wanted someone to oversee my changes who could join the dots for me, I was often blindly feeling my way. (I would have given anything for someone like me to help me back then).

Regardless of these things I kept going and pretty soon the magic started to show up. The Universe kept bringing me the lessons I needed to go next level and next…I was getting just enough pain to keep the change momentum going, without crippling me.

I’ve learned about energetic awareness and emotional self mastery. I’ve grasped how to BE different, operate differently and feel different. My physiology and bank account are vastly improved and I am now a match for good things. Along the way I build confidence, self worth and self discipline, amazing relationships and friends and a life I LOVE.

Here’s what I know about choosing change in the face of fear:

1. You have to make the change because it feels right.

2. You have to make it because you know something different is possible for you.

3. You have to keep going and commit to doing so and be willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to win.

I did and it’s why I got to where I am today. Here are five more compelling reasons why you should choose change:

1. You can out-create anything

Whatever feels too hard to change or to live with, you can do something about. Whatever seems like it is destroying you, you can outcreate and go beyond. Maybe no one told you this, but you can.

2. The bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward

If your pain feels epic, it’s likely you have much transformation to undertake, much growth you are being called towards to ready you for a powerful purpose.

3. Staying stuck gets painful, when it’s time to move on

We are so masterful at enduring that if being stuck didn’t suck, we’d endure permanently.

4. On the other side of your mountain, is a very different reality

One where you get to decide your future and the quality of your life. You get to show up as yourself, love your work, value yourself and find happiness, success and fulfilment.

5. That mountain may feel impossible to climb, but it isn’t.

Many have done it before you. Once you hit the top, there is a downhill stretch. For a long time you will ask questions, process, effort and learn. One day it will all start to make more sense. You will get it and there will be no going back, ever.

The rewards from embarking on this journey into the unknown are 100 times what you can imagine from where you are now.

Life is still challenging on the other side, but you are free, because you have the skills to handle those challenges.

Real freedom is not a problem free life, it’s having the skills to handle anything life throws you.

I promise you it gets better from here, if you are willing to be brave, to trust what you know and to start. Message me here.

FOUR COMMON TROUBLESOME SPIRITUAL BELIEFS AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

1.If a person or situation isn’t working for you, love it or them and all will be well

People who are lost and hurting are going to find it difficult to be in a vibration of love, so even if this advice did work, (which it doesn’t), it is ill advised for those whom it is intended to help. 

If someone is already conscious, highly aware and kind, this advice is equally unhelpful. These people already love, even when it is difficult or challenging. Throwing a guilt trip of ‘You’re not loving enough’ on top of someone’s issues is counterproductive.

People are looking for real skills to manage their lives, set boundaries and feel empowered.

They may require pragmatic tools to deal with their sensitivity, connect them with their strength, and an understanding of psychology and why they have certain patterns or blocks. 

TIP: You cannot love problems away, but you can be loving whilst dealing with them. You can also ask for love to flow to you when things are challenging. Read my blog about self love here

2 .If someone hurt you, you need to forgive them so you can heal

My belief is as follows: If someone hurt you, you need to heal and forgive yourself, so you both get free. Forgiveness matters as what we don’t forgive gets stuck inside us, however healing should take precedence over forgiveness every time. Here’s why:

If you make your recovery about the other person and what they did, you dis-empower yourself.

People can’t immediately forgive when deeply hurt and wounded. It is vibrationally and emotionally impossible, so telling someone in this state to forgive, can make them feel like they are wrong and prevent them getting past what happened – sometimes for years.

TIP: Instead of focusing on forgiveness, use your pain and hurt to transform and heal yourself on the deepest level. Be open and brave and get help if you need to. When true self responsibility and healing occurs, forgiveness is a natural by-product.

Please note: I am not saying don’t have compassion for all beings or  (including those who may have hurt us), I am saying, don’t sacrifice your healing in the name of pursuing unattainable ‘forgiveness’.

3. If you are nice to everybody that is what you will get back and life will be good

Spiritually inclined people are gentle, empathetic and prefer to avoid others with harsh energies. One coping strategy to avoid difficult/painful experiences with others is to be nice and look for similarities in others. 

From a Law of Attraction perspective, this is logical and seems like a great idea. Be kind, do good and draw others to you with a similar frequency. That works really well until it doesn’t and often nice, empathetic people struggle the most when dealing with toxic or difficult people.

That is because they lack experience and they may be attributing their own views of life onto others. Perhaps they are unaware, haven’t done the work of dealing with shadow and struggle to hold their own center in the face of negativity, becoming vulnerable in certain situations.

Awareness, is knowing what energy or behavior is required in a situation or with another person. Alignment is being that energy or setting that boundary, even if it means being ‘not nice’ and stepping into our potency.

Someone can be a sweet soul, but also toxic or emotionally unhealthy for us. We all encounter karmic or soul contract connections with others which can be destructive and painful. Toxic folks see kindness as weakness and will make you wrong and take advantage of it. 

TIP: Be aware whoever you are dealing with. Hold a frequency of love and decide where to contribute to others and who to be involved with. Be willing to use all energies and be potent when it’s required. Being a good manager of energy, doesn’t make you ‘not nice’.

If you have taken oaths, vows and promises to always be ‘nice’ in this life time, it can be helpful to heal and address, what your soul has decided it needs to atone for (as we have all been all things at one time or another).

4. Having Money Makes you a bad, un-spiritual person

You don’t have to prove your spiritual authenticity and distain for the institutionalized corruption that surrounds us by being broke. Money allows you to change things. With financial resources you can travel, spread your purpose, meet people and serve humanity.

Abundance contributes ease in all that you do and facilitates you to focus on your gifts. It gives you the power with which to create outside of the existing system and influence others. What do politicians fear more? Broke, hippie healers, or empowered, educated, connected people with spiritual gifts who are nailing life and helping others to do the same? 

Your divine birthright is abundance and you chose to incarnate into this reality where money is the means of exchange. Money is an energy and if you are a healer, you can be good with money. You deserve to be taken care of and to receive from life. If you can’t receive, there is something there you need to take a look at.

TIP: Life wants to support you in living out your purpose effectively. Be willing to receive financial abundance and you can be the highest version of you. 

With money you can assist others, empower and be empowered. Money isn’t evil, it is just a means for exchange and as an light worker or spiritual being, you should receive a fair exchange for the work that you do.

TEN STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH UPSET, LOSS AND FEELING DOWN

Many of us have experienced feeling powerfully upset or down, due to events that felt bigger than us that seemed overwhelming. 

In the last week I felt something akin to temporary depression with the death of a beloved animal, with whom I had the most powerful, sweetest, loving connection.

As I had many years of powerful depression in the past and learned how to manage and then dissolve this for myself, when I felt distraught and a sense of grief last week, I was able to perceive what was happening and implement certain strategies to deal with it.

Perhaps the following strategies will be helpful to you:

  1. ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IS AND ALLOW IT TO BE

Allow all feelings and emotions without resisting them or freaking out.

Emotions are the soul expressing through our body, so they are genuine.

Feelings are body reactions to conditioned thoughts, that we filter through the lens of our past experiences and they are not real, they are only a bodily sensation that is based in electrical circuitry that quickly passes.

In it’s purest form, negative feelings let us know whether the preceding thoughts are healthy or aligned with our highest self. Positive feelings are aligned with who we really are.

TIP: The more you just allow thoughts, emotions and feelings to just be, the more they will express and release naturally. If you want to examine or explore any further, journaling can be helpful here.

2. TAKE A LOOK AT THE BELIEFS UNDERLYING ANY SAD OR UPSET FEELINGS

This week, following the passing of my beautiful animal companion, one belief I clocked was:

“Every time I experience true happiness/contentedness/safety, it is taken away”.

It felt heavy and I was able to notice and work through the past experiences that thought was connected to and let them go.

TIP: Feelings are related to thoughts and are an indicator of unhelpful beliefs and old conditioning. Beliefs are thoughts that we keep thinking.

3. REFRAME NEGATIVE BELIEFS FOR POSITIVE ONES AND CHANGE FOCUS

This ISN’T forced positivity and I wish to emphasize this as positivity (ironically) has a really bad reputation right now.

In the above example, I know that life is not punative and I also know that genuine connections aren’t lost with the passing of a body. They may change, but they are still there.

Therefore, I was able to look at the soul contracts between the two of us, see what a massive contribution I was in his world and him in mine, understand what our connection meant on a deeper level and experience immense gratitude for his presence in my life. 

When I consider the growth attached to the timing of this loss for me in terms of preparation for what lies ahead and letting go, I couldn’t continue to stay sad.

I was able to take a look at where I have an attachment to things and to others and see how massive my receiving has become. I was so thankful to experience such a beautiful, pure connection and allow it to be what it is.  

I was able to replace my lack and fearful belief with a richer, more sustaining one:

“I am supported by life and I am able to give and receive extraordinary love”

TIP: When working to change beliefs, let the feeling be a guide to the thought. Write out the negative thought and then ask questions to go beneath this, and get what the attached belief is.

Some people like to burn the piece of paper to signify letting the old belief go, other people like to meditate and imagine stamping the page with a cancelled stamp. Others like to journal or ask their spiritual ‘team’ to heal them and remove the belief from the body and being.

4. CARE FOR YOUR BODY AND HAVE BODY WORK TO SUPPORT YOUR CHANGES

I had my Bars run twice with trusted friends to clear old energies and thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Bars is a body process that works heavily on the neural pathways, the body and the being, allowing massive change to take place.  

I made sure to also eat well, do pilates for back pain and use essential oils relevant to help me connect with and release my emotions.

TIP: The body is the one that facilitates our connection with our emotions and feelings, so it really does need support, whatever that looks like for you. If you don’t know what works for you, try something new.

5. TOP UP ENERGY AND TO REST

Experiencing shock, expressing emotion and processing feelings takes energy.

TIP: try to rest more than usual. You can intersperse this with normal routine stuff to stay connected, purposeful and retain some momentum.

6. I AM DISCIPLINED IN MY SELF CARE AND ROUTINES

This often feels so difficult to do, but after years of practice, it is kind of easy too, so I can ignore that sneaky message in my brain, telling me to cut corners. I find the routines soothing and as I effort, I get present in a way that gives relief.

TIP: Ignoring our self care, just makes us less able to cope. An unhappy body is less energetic and less able to process what is happening effectively.

7. GET OUT IN NATURE AND MOVE

Getting out on my own, gives me perspective, lets things go and tops up my cup.

For me running burns off stuckness and energizes me, allowing me to think clearly and get things done. It also provides endorphins that allow for more ease and relaxation.

TIP: Oxygenating the body through movement, grounding with earth and experiencing the lack of judgment in nature, is soothing and calming.

8. I REACH OUT TO THOSE WHO SUPPORT ME

I communicate what is happening and allow those people to have my back. This is new for me and I’ve had to learn how to receive it and damn it feels good.

TIP: Inviting those who care to know what we need and support us contributes to us and them.

9. DON’T MAKE IMPORTANT DECISIONS

This not a good time to act out of feelings, as issues that were secondary, can loom large, when the body is out of kilter and we feel vulnerable.

TIP: When emotion is high it can be harder to be objective or decide things as we normally would.

10. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF AND RE-EVALUATE COMMITMENTS AND WORKLOAD

I acknowledge my humanity and allow myself to just go through what is in front of me, the same way I would with a friend. I don’t judge or make myself wrong for it. If something in my diary is too much, I delegate or re-schedule

TIP: Honor your commitments, show up and be vulnerable and honest, yet professional.

If you would like to schedule a session to deal with grief, trauma or situational depression please go here.