Empath Victimhood is rife these days. I see empaths everywhere complaining about how life here on this planet is too painful, everyone takes advantage of them and this reality is abusive and traumatizing.

In many respects, they are right. Anyone who is an empath would relate to those statements, however, Empathy is a superpower and once we discover how to use it to our advantage instead of against ourselves, life can be radically different. I know, because that has been my journey.

My young life was one of pain, trauma, chaos, disempowerment, abuse and eventually self hatred. I found many things that didn’t work to change this. Eventually through dogged persistance, I found the things that would unlock what was buried inside me.

I was one of the lucky ones, I got free and getting others free is now part of my life’s work. Part of that process involved removing trauma from my body, the other part involved learning empowering methods for staying energetically clear of other people’s thoughts, feelings, emotions and energies.

I used some of the tools below from the modality Access Consciousness, to accomplish this change. If you would like to work with me on mastering these tools for you, go here.

1. Don’t go into the wrongness of you

Empaths/sensitives/intuitives always go into the wrongness of them and always put the other person’s distress above their own.

People who have been abused are doubly bad at this. They will take responsibility for someone abusing them, for their own reaction and will try to placate the other person as well.

2. Who does this belong to”?

Any time I feel unduly upset or am blaming myself for something where I am not responsible, or I’m judging me, I immediately stop and ask who those thoughts actually belong to.

It may be my stuff in which case I can take a deeper look at it. Often it may be old scripts I am running that I was conditioned with, or it may be that I am picking up on someone else’s thoughts, feelings and emotions.

3. Return to sender

An immediate way to be free of other’s toxic energies we are picking up on is to return them to sender (with consciousness attached) and move on.

I find this tool so powerful, I can literally feel the change in my body when I do this, particularly if something landed and got in.

This has been the single biggest tool that has helped me as an empath own my own energy and be aware of other’s stuff, but not overwhelmed by it.

4. Clearing Implants and conditioning

If we have asked who something belongs to and returned to sender and it’s clearly our stuff, it can be useful to turn off all implants. Implants are conditioned responses we have been given that are energetically activated by other people.

This can happen where we have a conflict with someone or a conflict of interest or we are allowing ourselves to be manipulated.

Implants relate to many feelings, such as shame, blame, regret, guilt, anger, rage, fury, hatred, fear and self doubt…

5. I began to ask questions about EVERYTHING!

Questions open up and connect neural pathways and invite possibilities to start creating.

What else is possible here, I never considered, how does it get better than this? What’s right about this I’m not getting? Can this be changed, can I change it, how do I change it?

Once I started with these glorious questions, I started in a pragmatic way to tune into my empathetic and clairsentient abilities and use them to my advantage in every facet of my life and living.

I started to grow in confidence, to understand better where others were functioning from. I stopped reacting and resisting or aligning and agreeing to others, but got comfortable perceiving and knowing about them instead.  

I was able to stop taking other’s behavior as personally regardless of what they said/did, as once I could return their energies to sender and tune into my knowing, I was no longer confused or paralysed by the energies of what was happening or overwhelmed.

Tuning into my own knowing gave me so much ease. That meant I could focus on developing my talents and my business, working with clients and becoming a kick ass facilitator, teacher and healer. I became free to connect with and feel my own positive emotion.

6. I had my Bars run – a lot!!

Bars is an incredible body process from Access Consciousness that allows us to release anything stuck in our body, brain or being that is limiting us.

Similar to computers, we store all our experiences (and the associated thoughts, feelings, emotions and memories) as electrical circuitry. Bars clears out the old circuits, so the body, brain and being can be filled with new ways of being and energies.

This electro magnetic component of thought is widely overlooked in traditional therapeutic practice and Bars is the only treatment I’m aware of that literally de-frags or cleans up our human hard drive, allowing us to get free of old patterns easily and create and assimilate rapid change.

For empaths who absorb everything and and who try also to heal others energetically, clearing out old stored responses in their neural pathways, cellular and muscle memory and energy field is vital to their well being.

7. I started seeing everything in my life as a contribution

I stopped being a victim and started seeing myself as a powerful creator of everything I engage with or encounter. This is not a conceited thing, rather it is an acknowledgement that life happens for us and not to us.

We cannot connect with any situation, person or thing, that isn’t relevant for us (and us for them). I began to understand that everything in my life is a result of choices I have made and something isn’t working, I have infinite possibilities available to me from which to choose again.

To discover how to master these tools and others in a private session, or take a class with me, contact me here.


  1. You no longer gossip or judge
  2. You sincerely wish others well and are happy for their success
  3. You know that you are the creator of everything in your experience and no person, thing or experience that isn’t relevant for you, can come across your path.
  4. You are part of the solution, never part of the problem on any topic.
  5. You are hard to trigger, as you have healed most past hurts and have nothing to prove.
  6. Ego is mostly redundant and if it pops up, you quickly recognize it and address what is going on internally.
  7. You have a present/future focus, whilst being immensely grateful for the past.
  8. You aren’t ‘nice’, but you are kind and good to others because you can and it feels good.
  9. You are authentic because it’s the only way to be and you are learning to express yourself directly and with care.
  10. If someone messes with you, you let them know with calm authority that is unacceptable
  11. You don’t live in a state of crisis any more. Your existence is drama free and so is your immediate environment.
  12. You are committed to your life and living and you like it, a lot.
  13. You don’t work, you play and you love it!!
  14. You know what a human, frequency chart is, and you are maintain your vibration in a range that is conducive to a happy present and an abundant, healthy future.
  15. You feel wealthy, no matter what the state of your bank account and you manifest opportunities and abundance effectively.
  16. You are aligned with your goals and you have a purpose that lights you up, sets your hair on fire and gets you leaping out of bed each morning.
  17. You have become discerning about the company you keep and whilst you like to assist others, it is only from a full cup. Your friends support you to do/be better.
  18. You listen to your body and do what it requires.
  19. You have FUN on the daily
  20. You respect others, you gave up control a long time ago and you legitimately understand that all bad behavior is a result of pain and there is no need to respond to it unless you choose.
  21. You are valued and loved (by yourself and others) and you acknowledge your human needs.
  22. You are fully responsible for all your choices, decisions and the outcomes and you don’t blame.
  23. You follow people who inspire you and lift you up and you know some of them.
  24. You don’t worship money nor fear it. You know it’s just an energy you can receive easily and you aren’t afraid to create more.
  25. You are working to enhance your strengths and minimize or improve anything that bothers you.
  26. You quickly deal with problems or upsets and you are resilient and resourceful.
  27. You have a growth mindset and believe that everything can be changed. You know neuroplasticity is real and energy can be altered.
  28. You contribute to others and commune with them. Communing is a state of alignment and expansion that dominates many of your professional and personal encounters.
  29. You appreciate everything, even your fuck ups and challenges.
  30. You know pain is an invitation to become greater. You welcome pain because on the other side of processing it honestly, is expansion and ultimately freedom.
  31. You know life has a purpose and that you are divinely supported and you trust in yourself and something greater than you.
  32. You know others will consistently be who they are and whilst you are trusting, you trust your gut more and you are never naive.
  33. You have stable and open friendships and relationships with others. You don’t look for love, you are love.


People we are close to may share their feelings, make requests of us or share awarenesses given our permission, however no one in our circle has the right to judge us. (You can read Part 1 of this article here).

This doesn’t mean we are exempt from judgment and often judgment comes from external sources, those in our extended circles or even strangers. This piece is for those who are empathetic or sensitive, as they are naturally affected by judgment and require effective techniques to deal well with it.

People may have a knowing that something we are doing could use a little work, however there is a difference between delivering that kindly, and inviting us to improve, versus angrily, with a huge charge around it or in a way that disempowers or upsets.

The following are eight tools from the modality Access Consciousness that I use in my own life and with clients and students. (You can find more about working with me using these tools here).

1. Say “Thank you for that judgment” and walk away or cease the conversation.

At that point, a normal person has to stop and then defend their judgment, because you have exposed it as such, to everyone in ear shot.

2. To stop an angry tirade in it’s tracks, agree with the judgment

This feels uncomfortable when we first try it, because we want to fight to prove the judgment wrong, and usually we can’t handle the thought that someone has misunderstood us, or is perhaps being unkind.

Instead say to someone “You’re right, I’m a terrible person, how can I possibly make up for all the damage I have caused”? This will stop them point blank. At that stage, most people will say “You’re not a bad person, you just didn’t know you were doing it” and stop being mean.

That buys us time to diffuse a situation, think about things and decide how to proceed from there. This tool might not resonate for everyone, but for those who have enormous trouble stopping a situation from unfolding, this might be a step forwards from increasing hostilities or running away.

3. Put your barriers down and be space instead

When judged, our natural inclination is to fight, push back and defend. If you are strong enough to resist this urge and put your energetic ‘barriers’ down instead. (This is totally counter intuitive), and you will find that there is nothing for the bully to rattle your cage with.

In fact if they try to push up against your barriers and there is nothing there, they will almost literally and metaphorically fall forwards in front of you. This part gets almost entertaining to watch, because these tools, really work.

4. Remember Anger can be a control mechanism

When someone is doing anger dynamically, it is a control mechanism. It’s okay for someone to be angry, it is a normal and natural emotion. However, there is a difference between acting anger out and sharing feelings in a forthright and respectful manner.

Don’t confuse anger and potency. It is possible to communicate feelings, requests or standards with enormous potency and energy of clarity, calm and power. This is 180 degrees different from someone throwing their weight around and reacting to a person or situation.

5.  Return the energy of the judgment to sender

You may need to do this once or many times. Send it with consciousness attached (this is a contribution to the other person if they can receive it). If they can’t it doesn’t matter as you are inviting them to become aware. They are either ready or not.

I usually find for me as soon as I return the energy of the judgment, I feel lighter, freer and more relaxed. I have practiced this tool so often that I feel it leaving the cells of my body. There is more involved in this technique. To book your private session with me, go here.

6. Clear any implants activated by the person or their judgments

Often judgments carry with them implants that if left unawares can continue to affect us. These can be cleared pretty easily with the right tool.

Judgments can also activate old energetic states, conditioning or traumas, so it’s good to be aware of this or seek help from a facilitator trained in spiritual psychology if this is going on for you.

This may happen following a fight or confrontation that has you feeling stuck and upset, when you just can’t seem to disengage and get free of it.  Contact me here to help with this.

7. Decide if the judgment is true for you

When judgment lands (is truthful and honest in it’s content), it hurts or makes us angry.

If a judgment doesn’t resonate, we won’t react at all, nor will care about it, although we may feel upset about someone’s behavior or treatment of us, or they may have revealed some aspects of them we didn’t know about.  

A judgment tells you about the person making it. People always accuse others of what they themselves are doing. And people are always keenly aware of flaws in others if they possess these characteristics or have done so in the past.

Processing judgments may also provide an opportunity to self examine, grow our knowledge of self and heal or move forwards.

Any of those scenarios is a contribution, although not immediately easy to deal with and potentially painful if we are vulnerable, learning to improve ourselves, or be more aware.

8. Take Action appropriate for you

When a judgment is false, discard it, although you may wish to retain the awareness about the person making it.

When a judgment is true and is ‘sticking’ us, we have some options as to how to dismantle it and we may even have some work of our own to do as a result.

Sometimes when we know someone well and they want to hurt us, they may already know where our insecurities lie and may even take a shot at those if they are feeling miserable or low. Just know that people don’t do this from a good place.

This doesn’t condone the judgment, it just helps you know where it was coming from. If something feels painful long after it was said, this is a matter for our attention. If we have returned the energy to sender, turned off implants and it’s still haunting us, it may have been accurate.

If you don’t like something about you and you can acknowledge that, you can change it. If it was a wound or trauma that was stirred up, you can heal it.

You are in charge and you get to decide what is best for you. Both of these options take courage and lead to us growing and getting free of our past.

If you are looking for assistance with changing or healing contact me.  


As Russell Brand says “We have a biological imperative to give a damn what other people think about us”. What he is saying is that we are programmed to scan our environment for threats real or imagined, psychological or physical and monitor them.

In our ‘civilized’ society in the absence of saber tooth tigers, that daily threat activating our fright or flight chemistry, is often gossip and judgment from other people.

Whilst a percentage of the population can brush that off without a care in the world, for empaths, or those who perceive energy and are physiologically wired for sensitivity, they simply cannot.

To these people, emotional wounding experienced through receiving judgment is so intense, it is like a physical trauma, (scientists have now proven this as accurate). The strong sensations accompanying someone bad vibing them, are often so acute, that negotiating a ‘normal’ existence is cripplingly painful.

Those individuals often end up suicidal, depressed and mistrustful of themselves and others. They are extremely fearful and anxious about ‘normal’ situations like going to work or socializing.

I used to be one of those people. I no longer am and I haven’t been for a long time.

So, how did I achieve this miraculous change? It’s partly about resetting your physiology and your inner wiring. It’s also about learning how to direct things differently (in terms of conscious thoughts, feelings and emotions) as you go about resetting your nervous system.

I don’t know if many people who suffer in this way are aware that this change is even an option for them. I am here to tell you, if I can do it, you can as well – anyone can. I am not special for doing this.

However, this journey isn’t for the faint hearted. If you want it badly enough, it is yours for the taking. It is however, a tough journey and unraveling all that crap, might well be the hardest thing you will ever do. In the process you will discover who you are on a soul and cellular level. You will face things you never thought you’d have to and you will begin to understand people and the human condition and develop massive compassion, strength and wisdom.

The rewards of choosing these changes will be greater than anything you have ever imagined. Releasing ourselves from our triggers and the burden of dragging our past with us is a phenomenal thing. Getting out of constant emotional pain and misery, underachievement and self hatred is an enormous relief. Feeling like a victim who is able to be pushed around by anyone, is a torture no one deserves to endure.

Many people are suffering, because when they were young, they saw and experienced things they weren’t equipped to handle. Maybe they were loved, but their parents were addicted, dysfunctional or incompetent. That isn’t judgment, it is a loving awareness and is true for many people. Usually their parent’s parents were also traumatized and maybe emotionally incompetent too.

When I say I am no longer one of those people, I still identify as an empath. I am a healer, clairsentient and am extremely sensitive. I am no longer crippled by feeling physically wounded by others who direct nasty energy or emotions at me. Nor by stressful situations, disappointments, feeling helpless or at the effect of life. In fact despite facing challenges like everyone does, these days, I feel pretty powerful.

Judgment (mostly) floats straight past me. I’m aware of it and willing to receive it. Poor behavior isn’t mine to deal with and it’s difficult for others to activate past pain pathways inadvertently or deliberately as I’ve not only healed an enormous amount, I’m learning self mastery and becoming expert at changing the energy of a situation or looking for opportunities where I used to see pain.

There is a lot to all of this, obviously. For me the psychological approaches alone didn’t work. The energy that used to ‘get in’ and wound me (because I had years of past trauma stored in the cells of my body and being). No amount of thinking my way out of it, (or telling myself it’s no one else’s business what anyone else thinks of me), could stop that process from energetically happening.

It also didn’t seem realistic to me that meditation was the appropriate tool for changing this. I discovered at that time, I couldn’t meditate (being at one with that pain made the practice intolerable for me and I couldn’t concentrate anyway).

I work today with many who I recognize as having a similar or varying degrees of trauma that requires physical processing and treatments, in conjunction with other means for creating lasting relief.

This deals directly with the source of the issue where it is stored in the body – the neural pathways, energy field, cellular and muscle memories. I also teach my clients and students how to work with energy to change anything and we use a combination of traditional psychology, spiritual psychology, science and metaphysics to achieve empowerment and freedom for them.

When psychology was the only option, or even once my body was getting free, knowing that a person judging me was a total shitcunt, didn’t let me off the hook in terms of comforting my grieving inner child or empowering my then ill equipped adult self, that used to feel rendered instantly paralysed in the face of a bully.

Not only that, bullies could read in my energy field and body language the sum total of my past experience and I was literally like a slow moving target.

This is one of the reasons that these often beautiful, incredible and conscious human beings experience trauma over and over again until they heal.

Read Part 2 on How to Deal with Judgment here