This is one of those topics I have some very different views on. Most of the following tools come directly from the modality Access Consciousness, one that works well with empaths, sensitives and intuitives.
If you identify as such, this article is especially for you, as you are the people that get the most lost in other people’s ‘stuff’ and get very divorced from yourselves in the process.
For me, accepting myself wasn’t about looking in the mirror and saying “I love you Rose”. It wasn’t about being happy with what was in my life, (although cultivating appreciation whilst I sought answers was part of the process).
It was about undoing all the things I had been through that were preventing me from being able to benefit from or use affirmations, or even to be able to be kind to myself at all.
Whilst there’s always been some things I’ve always adored about myself, for most of my life, there’s been many things I learned to deeply dislike about me.
This was a side effect of having been bullied when I was young and not having had any emotional support growing up. Long after the bullies went away, I carried on their job myself and many, many people do this.
Today all that is different, I like, appreciate, care for, respect and accept myself in a completely different way. I allow love to dwell within me and flow out to others, which is what true self love means to me. Through the act of loving we receive transformation in the process.
In the past, I was always shame based. I wanted to like me and feel at home in my own skin and have a good life, I didn’t know how to do that, once life had told me I was a bad/lousy/awful person,
I was in a lot of emotional pain and didn’t know how to get beyond that and believe differently. (I didn’t understand how anyone could be so cruel if it wasn’t correct, so I made their opinion more important than mine).
This apparently a thing that empaths naturally do.
As an empath, I was always conflict avoidant and paralysed with pain any time someone was unkind or there was a confrontation underway. I felt it accutely, physically and cripplingly.
I went to many courses and classes to try and figure it all out. None of the traditional skills or tools available worked as I would always be affected by the energy.
I needed to master ME. I needed to learn how to change the energy of a situation, so I didn’t feel wrong at always at the effect of everyone and everything.
Today, I am pleased to share, both I and my life are vastly different. The following are some of the tools, I used to accomplish this change. If you would like to book a session to work with me on mastering these tools for you, go here.
I learned how to clear the energy of wrongness of me
The biggest thing for me, was understanding that empaths/sensitives/intuitives AWAYS go into the WRONGNESS of them, any time they get the opportunity to.
People who have been abused are doubly bad at this, so I was a pretty ‘hopeless’ case. They will take responsibility for someone abusing them, for their own shit and try to placate the other person as well.
Return to sender
The best tool I ever learned for releasing onto other’s toxic energies, was discovering how I could immediately return it to sender (with consciousness attached) and move on. If anything landed and was ‘sticking’ me, this removed it from the cells in my body, so I could keep trucking.
Clearing Implants and conditioning
I learned about turning implants off and how these are given to us by other people and/or activated by others as well, especially during conflict or if we are being manipulated. Implants relate to many of the emotions, such as shame, blame, regret, guilt, anger, rage, fury, hatred, fear and self doubt…
“Who does this belong to”?
This is another tool I learned that permitted me to be around difficult/challenging people/situations and own only what was mine. Something all empaths struggle with.
From those few tools, I began to step out of what held me down most of my life and…
I began to ask questions about EVERYTHING!
Questions open up and connect neural pathways and invite possibilities to start creating.
What else is possible here, I never considered, how does it get better than this? What’s right about this I’m not getting? Can this be changed, can I change it, how do I change it?
Once I started with these glorious questions, I started in a pragmatic way to tune into my empathetic and clairsentient abilities and use them to my advantage in every facet of my life and living.
I started to grow in confidence, I began to understand better where others were functioning from. I stopped reacting and resisting or aligning and agreeing.
I was able to stop taking other’s behavior personally. I was regardless of what they said/did, as I was no longer paralysed by the energies of what was happening.
I started to believe in myself and develop more ease. That meant I could focus on developing my talents and my business, working with clients and becoming a kick ass facilitator, teacher and healer.
This in turn gave me more self belief and freedom within myself to feel free in the world and feel positive emotion.
I had my Bars run – a lot!!
Bars is an incredible body process from Access Consciousness that allows us to release anything stuck in our body that is holding us back, such as decisions, judgments, points of view, thoughts, feelings or emotions.
Similar to computers, we store everything we go through as electrical circuitry. Bars clears out the old patterns, so we can fill up our hard drive with new thoughts, ways of being and energies.
This body aspect is widely overlooked in therapy circles and it is what held me stuck for 20 years, before I discovered Access Consciousness and learned about the Bars. For empaths who absorb everything and and who try also to heal others, this is vital to recovery.
In the beginning I had to work my butt off every single day with all of the above tools to effect change. I had to master these tools and work them until they were reflexes.
Over time I became more and more effective with them and they have become part of me. There was still more work to do though…
I started seeing everything in my life as a contribution
I stopped being a victim and started seeing myself as a powerful creator of everything I engage with or encounter. This is not a conceited thing, rather it is an acknowledgement that life happens for us and not to us.
We cannot connect with any situation, person or thing, that isn’t relevant for us (and us for them).
I began to understand that everything in my life is a result of choices I have made and that if I don’t like them, I can make different choices.
If you want to learn how to master these tools and others in a private session, or take a class with me, so you can make different choices, contact me.