Developing Radical Self Acceptance – Some practical tools

This is one of those topics I have some very different views on. Most of the following tools come directly from the modality Access Consciousness, one that works well with empaths, sensitives and intuitives.

If you identify as such, this article is especially for you, as you are the people that get the most lost in other people’s ‘stuff’ and get very divorced from yourselves in the process.

For me, accepting myself wasn’t about looking in the mirror and saying “I love you Rose”. It wasn’t about being happy with what was in my life, (although cultivating appreciation whilst I sought answers was part of the process).

It was about undoing all the things I had been through that were preventing me from being able to benefit from or use affirmations, or even to be able to be kind to myself at all.

Whilst there’s always been some things I’ve always adored about myself, for most of my life, there’s been many things I learned to deeply dislike about me.

This was a side effect of having been bullied when I was young and not having had any emotional support growing up.  Long after the bullies went away, I carried on their job myself and many, many people do this.

Today all that is different, I like, appreciate, care for, respect and accept myself in a completely different way. I allow love to dwell within me and flow out to others, which is what true self love means to me. Through the act of loving we receive transformation in the process.

In the past, I was always shame based. I wanted to like me and feel at home in my own skin and have a good life, I didn’t know how to do that, once life had told me I was a bad/lousy/awful person,

I was in a lot of emotional pain and didn’t know how to get beyond that and believe differently.  (I didn’t understand how anyone could be so cruel if it wasn’t correct, so I made their opinion more important than mine).

This apparently a thing that empaths naturally do.

As an empath, I was always conflict avoidant and paralysed with pain any time someone was unkind or there was a confrontation underway. I felt it accutely, physically and cripplingly.

I went to many courses and classes to try and figure it all out. None of the traditional skills or tools available worked as I would always be affected by the energy.

I needed to master ME. I needed to learn how to change the energy of a situation, so I didn’t feel wrong at always at the effect of everyone and everything.

Today, I am pleased to share, both I and my life are vastly different. The following are some of the tools, I used to accomplish this change. If you would like to book a session to work with me on mastering these tools for you, go here.

I learned how to clear the energy of wrongness of me

The biggest thing for me, was understanding that empaths/sensitives/intuitives AWAYS go into the WRONGNESS of them, any time they get the opportunity to.

People who have been abused are doubly bad at this, so I was a pretty ‘hopeless’ case. They will take responsibility for someone abusing them, for their own shit and try to placate the other person as well.

Return to sender

The best tool I ever learned for releasing onto other’s toxic energies, was discovering how I could immediately return it to sender (with consciousness attached) and move on. If anything landed and was ‘sticking’ me, this removed it from the cells in my body, so I could keep trucking.

Clearing Implants and conditioning

I learned about turning implants off and how these are given to us by other people and/or activated by others as well, especially during conflict or if we are being manipulated. Implants relate to many of the emotions, such as shame, blame, regret, guilt, anger, rage, fury, hatred, fear and self doubt…

“Who does this belong to”?

This is another tool I learned that permitted me to be around difficult/challenging people/situations and own only what was mine. Something all empaths struggle with.

From those few tools, I began to step out of what held me down most of my life and…

I began to ask questions about EVERYTHING!

Questions open up and connect neural pathways and invite possibilities to start creating.

What else is possible here, I never considered, how does it get better than this? What’s right about this I’m not getting? Can this be changed, can I change it, how do I change it?

Once I started with these glorious questions, I started in a pragmatic way to tune into my empathetic and clairsentient abilities and use them to my advantage in every facet of my life and living.

I started to grow in confidence, I began to understand better where others were functioning from. I stopped reacting and resisting or aligning and agreeing.  

I was able to stop taking other’s behavior personally. I was regardless of what they said/did, as I was no longer paralysed by the energies of what was happening.

I started to believe in myself and develop more ease. That meant I could focus on developing my talents and my business, working with clients and becoming a kick ass facilitator, teacher and healer.

This in turn gave me more self belief and freedom within myself to feel free in the world and feel positive emotion.

I had my Bars run – a lot!!

Bars is an incredible body process from Access Consciousness that allows us to release anything stuck in our body that is holding us back, such as decisions, judgments, points of view, thoughts, feelings or emotions.

Similar to computers, we store everything we go through as electrical circuitry. Bars clears out the old patterns, so we can fill up our hard drive with new thoughts, ways of being and energies.

This body aspect is widely overlooked in therapy circles and it is what held me stuck for 20 years, before I discovered Access Consciousness and learned about the Bars. For empaths who absorb everything and and who try also to heal others, this is vital to recovery.

In the beginning I had to work my butt off every single day with all of the above tools to effect change. I had to master these tools and work them until they were reflexes.

Over time I became more and more effective with them and they have become part of me. There was still more work to do though…

I started seeing everything in my life as a contribution

I stopped being a victim and started seeing myself as a powerful creator of everything I engage with or encounter. This is not a conceited thing, rather it is an acknowledgement that life happens for us and not to us.

We cannot connect with any situation, person or thing, that isn’t relevant for us (and us for them).

I began to understand that everything in my life is a result of choices I have made and that if I don’t like them, I can make different choices.

If you want to learn how to master these tools and others in a private session, or take a class with me, so you can make different choices, contact me.

Why Courage is a huge part of the Change journey and how to get past your fears and choose change

“A year from now, 12 months will have elapsed and you’ll either have taken the journey (to achieve your dreams) or you won’t. Imagine how that’s going to feel either way…Now choose” – Rose Aitken

If you are here reading this, perhaps you have some issues causing consistent problems in your life. You know you need to change and you really want to but…How do you know HOW to get where you want to go? WHICH actions will get you the right result? WHO do you go to?

These are legit concerns and research is very important to assuage these. You need to choose someone with the attributes and characteristics you value and admire. Someone who lives what they teach and has been through it themselves.

That person can help you with the feedback that enables you to figure out the how, the what and will work with you to generate your unique solutions. They will offer you support, expertise and skills to facilitate your transformation.

That is all well in good, but short of having found that person and got the funds to work with them, there is one more factor that is terrifying and puts more people off taking the leap that anything else.

That thing is FEAR.

We are biologically designed to want to stay safe and changing goes against our biology of safety and survival. I’ve been there myself. The following are some of the fears I had at 39 when I was about to embark on the ride of my life, to remove a plethora of personal pain and problems:

At that time, I was paralysed with emotional pain, past trauma, ill health, money problems and I kept choosing co-dependent and toxic relationships. I had eating disorders, a limited social network and supports and I suffered from chronic anxiety. I lived alone in an apartment in the city and I was lonely and suffering. I had a bad back and inconsistent work that didn’t sustain me.

I knew my options were change or check out, however I had some significant thought processes that were hindering my jumping off the abys and into a fresh life.

I KNEW life was meant to be wonderful. I KNEW I had untapped potential. I BELIEVED I COULD CHANGE, it’s just that:

  • I was afraid I would be the only person that making the changes didn’t work for.
  • I didn’t want to spend a lot of time and money working for something that might still leave me with the same problems
  • I might hate being the new version of me
  • The journey might be too hard or painful, or I might get to a point I can’t get beyond and feel stuck there.
  • I might change so much that everyone hated me. Hell, I might hate me too.
  • I might become an uptight pain in the ass that is no fun and too serious.
  • The pain and trauma might continue, but just in a different way/on a different level and I might not know how to deal with that either.
  • Life might suck after the changes, just in a different way.
  • My anxiety might be unchangeable. It had been until that point.
  • And on….and on….

I chose change anyway and here’s what happened.

It hurt, a lot and my progress was often painfully slow. I wanted someone to oversee my changes who could join the dots for me, I was often blindly feeling my way. (I would have given anything for someone like me to help me back then).

Regardless of these things I kept going and pretty soon the magic started to show up. The Universe kept bringing me the lessons I needed to go next level and next…I was getting just enough pain to keep the change momentum going, without crippling me.

I’ve learned about energetic awareness and emotional self mastery. I’ve grasped how to BE different, operate differently and feel different. My physiology and bank account are vastly improved and I am now a match for good things. Along the way I build confidence, self worth and self discipline, amazing relationships and friends and a life I LOVE.

“Courage comes before confidence”- Peta Kelly

1. You have to make the change because it feels right.

2. You have to make it because you know something different is possible for you.

3. You have to keep going and commit to doing so and be willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to win.

I did and it’s why I got to where I am today.

Now, back to you…

Whatever is going on for you and no matter how hard it is, you can be different, you can change it, you can grow beyond whatever that is.

The bigger the challenge you are enduring the bigger purpose you are being called towards.

Very often we change because we are at the end of the old road and life is redirecting us – often painfully. We are so masterful at enduring, (especially after years of limitation and shutting down/having our barriers up), that’s what happens or we would stay stuck indefinitely.

On the other side of what seems unchangeable, is a very different reality. One where you get to decide your future, and what the quality of your life is like. You get to show up as you, to love your work, value yourself and find happiness, faith and contentment.

That mountain may feel impossible to climb, but it isn’t. Many have done it before you. Once you hit the top, there is a downhill stretch. For a long time you will ask questions, process, effort and learn. One day it will all start to make more sense. You will get it and there will be no going back, ever.

The rewards from embarking on this journey into the unknown are 100 times what you can imagine from where you are now.

Life is still challenging on the other side, but you are free, because you have the skills to handle those challenges. That’s real freedom. It’s not a problem free life, it’s having the skills to handle anything life throws you.

I promise you it gets better from here, if you are willing to be brave, to trust what you know and to start.

Message me here.

33 Ways to Tell you are Developing Emotional Self Mastery and your Life is On Track

  1. You no longer gossip or judge
  2. You sincerely wish others well and are happy for their success
  3. You know that you are the creator of everything in your experience and no person, thing or experience that isn’t relevant for you, can come across your path.
  4. You are part of the solution, never part of the problem on any topic.
  5. You are hard to trigger, as you have healed most past hurts and have nothing to prove.
  6. Ego is mostly redundant and if it pops up, you quickly recognize it and address what is going on internally.
  7. You have a present/future focus, whilst being immensely grateful for the past.
  8. You aren’t ‘nice’, but you are kind and good to others because you can and it feels good.
  9. You are authentic because it’s the only way to be and you are learning to express yourself directly and with care.
  10. If someone messes with you, you let them know with calm authority that is unacceptable
  11. You don’t live in a state of crisis any more. Your existence is drama free and so is your immediate environment.
  12. You are committed to your life and living and you like it, a lot.
  13. You don’t work, you play and you love it!!
  14. You know what a human, frequency chart is, and you are maintain your vibration in a range that is conducive to a happy present and an abundant, healthy future.
  15. You feel wealthy, no matter what the state of your bank account and you manifest opportunities and abundance effectively.
  16. You are aligned with your goals and you have a purpose that lights you up, sets your hair on fire and gets you leaping out of bed each morning.
  17. You have become discerning about the company you keep and whilst you like to assist others, it is only from a full cup. Your friends support you to do/be better.
  18. You listen to your body and do what it requires.
  19. You have FUN on the daily
  20. You respect others, you gave up control a long time ago and you legitimately understand that all bad behavior is a result of pain and there is no need to respond to it unless you choose.
  21. You are valued and loved (by yourself and others) and you acknowledge your human needs.
  22. You are fully responsible for all your choices, decisions and the outcomes and you don’t blame.
  23. You follow people who inspire you and lift you up and you know some of them.
  24. You don’t worship money nor fear it. You know it’s just an energy you can receive easily and you aren’t afraid to create more.
  25. You are working to enhance your strengths and minimize or improve anything that bothers you.
  26. You quickly deal with problems or upsets and you are resilient and resourceful.
  27. You have a growth mindset and believe that everything can be changed. You know neuroplasticity is real and energy can be altered.
  28. You contribute to others and commune with them. Communing is a state of alignment and expansion that dominates many of your professional and personal encounters.
  29. You appreciate everything, even your fuck ups and challenges.
  30. You know pain is an invitation to become greater. You welcome pain because on the other side of processing it honestly, is expansion and ultimately freedom.
  31. You know life has a purpose and that you are divinely supported and you trust in yourself and something greater than you.
  32. You know others will consistently be who they are and whilst you are trusting, you trust your gut more and you are never naive.
  33. You have stable and open friendships and relationships with others. You don’t look for love, you are love.

How to Deal with Judgment Effectively (Part 2 of 2)

People we are close to may share their feelings, make requests of us or share awarenesses given our permission, however no one in our circle has the right to judge us. (You can read Part 1 of this article here).

This doesn’t mean we are exempt from judgment and often judgment comes from external sources, those in our extended circles or even strangers. This piece is for those who are empathetic or sensitive, as they are naturally affected by judgment and require effective techniques to deal well with it.

People may have a knowing that something we are doing could use a little work, however there is a difference between delivering that kindly, and inviting us to improve, versus angrily, with a huge charge around it or in a way that disempowers or upsets.

The following are eight tools from the modality Access Consciousness that I use in my own life and with clients and students. (You can find more about working with me using these tools here).

1. Say “Thank you for that judgment” and walk away or cease the conversation.

At that point, a normal person has to stop and then defend their judgment, because you have exposed it as such, to everyone in ear shot.

2. To stop an angry tirade in it’s tracks, agree with the judgment

This feels uncomfortable when we first try it, because we want to fight to prove the judgment wrong, and usually we can’t handle the thought that someone has misunderstood us, or is perhaps being unkind.

Instead say to someone “You’re right, I’m a terrible person, how can I possibly make up for all the damage I have caused”? This will stop them point blank. At that stage, most people will say “You’re not a bad person, you just didn’t know you were doing it” and stop being mean.

That buys us time to diffuse a situation, think about things and decide how to proceed from there. This tool might not resonate for everyone, but for those who have enormous trouble stopping a situation from unfolding, this might be a step forwards from increasing hostilities or running away.

3. Put your barriers down and be space instead

When judged, our natural inclination is to fight, push back and defend. If you are strong enough to resist this urge and put your energetic ‘barriers’ down instead. (This is totally counter intuitive), and you will find that there is nothing for the bully to rattle your cage with.

In fact if they try to push up against your barriers and there is nothing there, they will almost literally and metaphorically fall forwards in front of you. This part gets almost entertaining to watch, because these tools, really work.

4. Remember Anger can be a control mechanism

When someone is doing anger dynamically, it is a control mechanism. It’s okay for someone to be angry, it is a normal and natural emotion. However, there is a difference between acting anger out and sharing feelings in a forthright and respectful manner.

Don’t confuse anger and potency. It is possible to communicate feelings, requests or standards with enormous potency and energy of clarity, calm and power. This is 180 degrees different from someone throwing their weight around and reacting to a person or situation.

5.  Return the energy of the judgment to sender

You may need to do this once or many times. Send it with consciousness attached (this is a contribution to the other person if they can receive it). If they can’t it doesn’t matter as you are inviting them to become aware. They are either ready or not.

I usually find for me as soon as I return the energy of the judgment, I feel lighter, freer and more relaxed. I have practiced this tool so often that I feel it leaving the cells of my body. There is more involved in this technique. To book your private session with me, go here.

6. Clear any implants activated by the person or their judgments

Often judgments carry with them implants that if left unawares can continue to affect us. These can be cleared pretty easily with the right tool.

Judgments can also activate old energetic states, conditioning or traumas, so it’s good to be aware of this or seek help from a facilitator trained in spiritual psychology if this is going on for you.

This may happen following a fight or confrontation that has you feeling stuck and upset, when you just can’t seem to disengage and get free of it.  Contact me here to help with this.

7. Decide if the judgment is true for you

When judgment lands (is truthful and honest in it’s content), it hurts or makes us angry.

If a judgment doesn’t resonate, we won’t react at all, nor will care about it, although we may feel upset about someone’s behavior or treatment of us, or they may have revealed some aspects of them we didn’t know about.  

A judgment tells you about the person making it. People always accuse others of what they themselves are doing. And people are always keenly aware of flaws in others if they possess these characteristics or have done so in the past.

Processing judgments may also provide an opportunity to self examine, grow our knowledge of self and heal or move forwards.

Any of those scenarios is a contribution, although not immediately easy to deal with and potentially painful if we are vulnerable, learning to improve ourselves, or be more aware.

8. Take Action appropriate for you

When a judgment is false, discard it, although you may wish to retain the awareness about the person making it.

When a judgment is true and is ‘sticking’ us, we have some options as to how to dismantle it and we may even have some work of our own to do as a result.

Sometimes when we know someone well and they want to hurt us, they may already know where our insecurities lie and may even take a shot at those if they are feeling miserable or low. Just know that people don’t do this from a good place.

This doesn’t condone the judgment, it just helps you know where it was coming from. If something feels painful long after it was said, this is a matter for our attention. If we have returned the energy to sender, turned off implants and it’s still haunting us, it may have been accurate.

If you don’t like something about you and you can acknowledge that, you can change it. If it was a wound or trauma that was stirred up, you can heal it.

You are in charge and you get to decide what is best for you. Both of these options take courage and lead to us growing and getting free of our past.

If you are looking for assistance with changing or healing contact me.  

How to deal with Judgment effectively, Part I of 2 – Why ‘what other people think of you is none of your business’ is some of the stupidest advice ever

As Russell Brand says “We have a biological imperative to give a damn what other people think about us”. What he is saying is that we are programmed to scan our environment for threats real or imagined, psychological or physical and monitor them.

In our ‘civilized’ society in the absence of saber tooth tigers, that daily threat activating our fright or flight chemistry, is often gossip and judgment from other people.

Whilst a percentage of the population can brush that off without a care in the world, for empaths, or those who perceive energy and are physiologically wired for sensitivity, they simply cannot.

To these people, emotional wounding experienced through receiving judgment is so intense, it is like a physical trauma, (scientists have now proven this as accurate). The strong sensations accompanying someone bad vibing them, are often so acute, that negotiating a ‘normal’ existence is cripplingly painful.

Those individuals often end up suicidal, depressed and mistrustful of themselves and others. They are extremely fearful and anxious about ‘normal’ situations like going to work or socializing.

I used to be one of those people. I no longer am and I haven’t been for a long time.

So, how did I achieve this miraculous change? It’s partly about resetting your physiology and your inner wiring. It’s also about learning how to direct things differently (in terms of conscious thoughts, feelings and emotions) as you go about resetting your nervous system.

I don’t know if many people who suffer in this way are aware that this change is even an option for them. I am here to tell you, if I can do it, you can as well – anyone can. I am not special for doing this.

However, this journey isn’t for the faint hearted. If you want it badly enough, it is yours for the taking. It is however, a tough journey and unraveling all that crap, might well be the hardest thing you will ever do. In the process you will discover who you are on a soul and cellular level. You will face things you never thought you’d have to and you will begin to understand people and the human condition and develop massive compassion, strength and wisdom.

The rewards of choosing these changes will be greater than anything you have ever imagined. Releasing ourselves from our triggers and the burden of dragging our past with us is a phenomenal thing. Getting out of constant emotional pain and misery, underachievement and self hatred is an enormous relief. Feeling like a victim who is able to be pushed around by anyone, is a torture no one deserves to endure.

Many people are suffering, because when they were young, they saw and experienced things they weren’t equipped to handle. Maybe they were loved, but their parents were addicted, dysfunctional or incompetent. That isn’t judgment, it is a loving awareness and is true for many people. Usually their parent’s parents were also traumatized and maybe emotionally incompetent too.

When I say I am no longer one of those people, I still identify as an empath. I am a healer, clairsentient and am extremely sensitive. I am no longer crippled by feeling physically wounded by others who direct nasty energy or emotions at me. Nor by stressful situations, disappointments, feeling helpless or at the effect of life. In fact despite facing challenges like everyone does, these days, I feel pretty powerful.

Judgment (mostly) floats straight past me. I’m aware of it and willing to receive it. Poor behavior isn’t mine to deal with and it’s difficult for others to activate past pain pathways inadvertently or deliberately as I’ve not only healed an enormous amount, I’m learning self mastery and becoming expert at changing the energy of a situation or looking for opportunities where I used to see pain.

There is a lot to all of this, obviously. For me the psychological approaches alone didn’t work. The energy that used to ‘get in’ and wound me (because I had years of past trauma stored in the cells of my body and being). No amount of thinking my way out of it, (or telling myself it’s no one else’s business what anyone else thinks of me), could stop that process from energetically happening.

It also didn’t seem realistic to me that meditation was the appropriate tool for changing this. I discovered at that time, I couldn’t meditate (being at one with that pain made the practice intolerable for me and I couldn’t concentrate anyway).

I work today with many who I recognize as having a similar or varying degrees of trauma that requires physical processing and treatments, in conjunction with other means for creating lasting relief.

This deals directly with the source of the issue where it is stored in the body – the neural pathways, energy field, cellular and muscle memories. I also teach my clients and students how to work with energy to change anything and we use a combination of traditional psychology, spiritual psychology, science and metaphysics to achieve empowerment and freedom for them.

When psychology was the only option, or even once my body was getting free, knowing that a person judging me was a total shitcunt, didn’t let me off the hook in terms of comforting my grieving inner child or empowering my then ill equipped adult self, that used to feel rendered instantly paralysed in the face of a bully.

Not only that, bullies could read in my energy field and body language the sum total of my past experience and I was literally like a slow moving target.

This is one of the reasons that these often beautiful, incredible and conscious human beings experience trauma over and over again until they heal.

Read Part 2 on How to Deal with Judgment here