Having a tough Holiday Season? Maybe these five Spiritual perspectives will help

With Christmas just passed and the New Year almost upon us, it’s not just the poor or elderly that can be feeling miserable. It’s often people in their 20s, 30s and 40s who may be feeling it. They may have no family, dysfunctional families, be depressed, broke, sick, or maybe their friends are away, leaving them more isolated than normal. 

That sensation can be highlighted by the thought of everyone else excited and happy. It’s easy to imagine others part of big, loving, fun groups of people, enjoying presents, nice food, places and good times. Everything that would usually serve as a distraction may be shut down over the holiday period as well. This almost amplifies those aspects of life that maybe aren’t serving so well, or that feel empty and unsatisfying.

If you recognize you in some of that and it feels hopeless, please know, it can and does get better. This is an opportunity to create your life differently. There are some things you can do to have a different possibility now and in the future:

1.Recognize you are a soul having a human experience

You may be feeling detached from, separate and unsupported by others because of the way our society and families operate, but you are never alone.

You are surrounded by beings without bodies who love and support you. We all have a ‘team’ that is around us at all times, we are just not taught how to be aware of them, notice them or even how they communicate with us.

Just knowing this can ease the pain a little and give a sense of a bigger picture. Your soul is way more than the sum of your human suffering in this lifetime, but we come here without a memory of what was before. We can feel cast adrift, confused and lost as a result.

There is a bigger picture at play and there are experts who can help you gain more understanding and peace with your emotions and inner journey.

Reading some books by Doreen Virtue, going to classes or workshops can be a good start. Many begin with learning to meditate or journaling to connect with their spiritual capacities, their inner wisdom or higher self. There are many local groups or videos on Youtube available which may help.   

2. Understand we choose our parents, the body we are in and our challenges for each life time

If things seem overwhelming, it may be that you aren’t acknowledging the potency of you. We aren’t taught how to do this, so it’s not surprising when this happens.

We never get challenges that are bigger than us. It can seem that way when we are ill equipped with the right tools and skills to cope. Perhaps we aren’t connected with our resilience and/or we are surrounded by those who are unkind, neglectful or ill equipped to support us.

If you are encountering difficult and prolonged challenges, on some level, you are able to cope with them and part of your soul purpose for this lifetime is to out-create and expand beyond these.

Sometimes we need guidance on how we can accomplish this and to explore fresh perspectives, knowledge, information and ways of doing things.

Being comfortable NEVER got anyone to examine their spiritual capacities, look beyond what they already know and ask bigger questions.

If you are asking those questions, there is a reason. That is something to celebrate and get excited about.

3. Stop seeing yourself as a victim and do things differently

Often we may experience things we don’t know how to handle when young which may leave us feeling stricken, vulnerable or traumatized. Or our role models and family members may be chronic victims or have chaotic personalities. We then absorb this way of looking at the world and can begin to experience this as our truth.

We aren’t born with a manual for handling this reality, nor do most of us get to learn about consciousness before we are thrown out into life. However, it is never too late to unlearn dis-empowering perspectives and connect with our own guidance and wisdom.

Empathetic people may struggle more than most as their extra level of awareness.  When others dislike them or are judging them is often overwhelming.

Your empathy is actually a super power once you know how to use it for you and not against you.  As a recovering empath myself, I know it is infinitely possible to have a happy, easy and potent life. You can actually have some pretty cool advantages, once you know how to create that way.

Come and do an empowering workshop in the New Year, seek out some coaching sessions or some new personal development practices.

4. Take two more steps forward

Whatever that looks like for you, just take those steps…

Whether it is taking a nice bath, imagining something you are looking forward to, cleaning the house, having a clear out, eating your favorite food, posting on Facebook, calling a friend or visiting the library.

Maybe it is going for a walk, seeing a movie or listening to something soothing and good for the soul on You tube.

I highly recommend Matt Kahn, Bentinho Massaro or Esther Hicks chanelling Abraham if you are looking for upliftment, new knowledge, comforting vibes and inspiration.

5. Never give in and never give up!

You are way more powerful than you know and way more magical and capable than you have ever been lead to believe.

Unfortunately most of us are entrained to unconsciousness and fear through our conditioning, rather than empowered to find the greatest expression of us and to operate from there.

Whatever is bothering you whether it is situational or deeper than that, it can change. You can change it with the right tools, knowledge and support and with self awareness and determination. 

We are taught to believe that we should accept our lot in life, but this is a lie of magnitude. If you are fed up it’s because you know something greater is possible for you and for the planet.  If you don’t fit it, it’s because you are probably here to help build a better, new world.

There is such a different possibility available to us all, once we start to undo our programming and look at things from our own potency. That takes some work, but it is the real job we are here to do. It’s not about paying the bills till we die.

You are a beautiful soul, you are here for a reason and I would like to thank you for stopping by and reading this post.

If you want to chat, please send me a message

With love

Rose xox  

Three Useful Ways for Dealing with Anxiety Part two

Here are some practical and more advanced strategies for handling anxiety, that might benefit you or someone you know who is struggling.

1.Take your focus off you and put it onto others in social situations

What we focus on grows, so here’s an interesting point of view that may allow you to feel less in the grips of anxiety and more in control of your physiology.

Please note this is an advanced tool and isn’t for everybody or isn’t necessarily relevant for you right now, but as you progress and move forwards, you may like to refer back to this article, or just remember this bit for later on.

When you are feeling good, learn about other people, notice their insecurities, see how they respond under different conditions. Realise that everyone has fears and things that make them uncomfortable.

Interestingly, sometimes the people we feel worst around are also in the grips of their own anxieties and insecurities and we are noticing this energy and being affected by it which is why there is some kind of negative reaction there.

See if you can take on the role of putting others at ease. Funnily enough, because you have anxiety, you will likely be very good at sensing how to do this. You can start to benefit from your previous experience as you help others and develop your capacities for demonstrating care and awareness of others too. It’s difficult to be both responsible and afraid at the same time. Anxiety usually takes place when the body is passive, so participating in this manner can provide a helpful distraction from ourselves.

Explore how you can contribute in a social situation. This works because it can take you out of your default anxious setting and get you interacting from a totally different perspective. Practice actively listening to whomever is talking, enjoy their story or what they are sharing, be supportive or funny. If you do better moving your body, offer to help the host with dishes or laying the table, take people’s orders or go and get water for your group.  

Add value instead of being fearful and putting the energy of discomfort among others. This isn’t victim shaming, this is an energetic, personal decision that is incredibly empowering. (I’ve been through horrible anxiety and this is one thing that definitely helped me).

When I started to understand that I made others uncomfortable with my anxiety, I wasn’t happy about that and as began to take responsibility for every aspect of how I showed up the world, my life and patterns of anxiety began to shift and change.

“It’s not how we feel that matters in the end, it’s what we do that makes us brave”. Andre Agassi

Please note, if you aren’t ready for this tool, I am not suggesting you run contrary to your awareness if you need to leave a situation. Nor am I suggesting that you be the life and soul of a gathering when you feel contracted and terrible. This is a perspective to apply once you are starting to feel better.

2. Stop making other people’s opinions more important than yours

People who have been bullied or abused, always make other people’s opinions of themselves more important than their own.

What do I mean by this?

The person who has been traumatized always feels wrong, or like they are responsible for anything bad that happens. It’s their default setting and lends itself to feeling socially awkward and anxious.

Even if these people know they are kind and caring and they treat others with respect, if someone has a bad opinion of themselves for any reason, they will side with the other person. It’s like having the dial of personal acceptance on the ‘reject’ setting.

It is a painful way to show up in the world and to change this takes reprogramming some deep-seated beliefs. For these who are shame-based, usually body work is required to intervene in the physiological response associated with these thought patterns.

Do the work with a professional to change why this is and you will be more easily able to hold your own space (sense of self) and feel more empowered relating to others.  

People can feel when we give our power away and our energy doesn’t match our behaviour and whilst most people will ignore it, you can feel vulnerable  and this will definitely feed into an anxiety disorder.

3. Apply Good Recovery strategies on a bad anxiety day

If you can bounce back and regain a calm state sooner, you are better able to manage and strategize to handle your anxiety in terms of the big picture.

You have to recognize that you acknowledging yourself with kindness, caring for your body and refusing to dwell in the upset that anxiety can cause, is conducive to temporary good management and long-term recovery.

Here are some post anxiety tools that I used to use to feel better:

  • Talking to my body. Thanking it for the awareness that the anxiety was giving me and telling it, “I’ve got the awareness now, thank you, you don’t need to keep giving it to me/you can turn down the intensity in future”.

Sometimes this works brilliantly and opening the pathway of communication with our body can give a lot of relief.

Bodies do respond to acknowledgment, gratitude and kindness and if anxiety is the thing that gets you communicating with your body that can assist you a lot in many areas such as diet, exercise and well-being.

  • Acknowledging that you can’t change what’s happened, you can only move forward wiser and better equipped in future, so there is no point staying in shame, blame or regret over an anxiety attack that has happened.

It can be very painful acknowledging that we aren’t always in control of ourselves and difficult accepting that maybe some aspects of our physiology are reflecting that.

  • I always found resolving to manage better in future and re-committing to over come my anxiety helpful – in other words reconnecting to my inner motivation and reminding myself of how far I had come and all the things I was doing to continue improving.
  • Clearing my focus or pre-occupied thoughts by thinking about something I was looking forward to unrelated to the anxiety.
  • Putting a break between the anxiety and whatever was next by having a sleep and ‘re-setting’ my physiology and vibrational state.
  •  Further changing my state by moving my body, going for a run or having a body work session to create change and relax.
  •  Journaling (not always but when required, to clear my mind and gain more clarity around things).

Six Ways you can Overcome Envy and Create More Success for Yourself

When people aren’t willing to be certain things or energies – for example successful or rich, they envy others who have done the work of creating those things.

We may be envious of someone we know who was born into a rich, wealthy family because their life seems so easy and they just appear to swan around the world having fun. Or maybe it is someone who is popular and loved by everyone, or a person that appears to have the ‘perfect’ family and domestic life.

You chose to come here this time around, you chose the struggles you are currently observing and experiencing. You chose your lack and limitation, your family, your health challenges and your level of abundance.

The good news is we have free will and all of this can change. We can also deviate from (perhaps) our original intentions and turn this opportunity at life into something absolutely magnificent and beautiful.

Take me for example. I have succeeded far more in this life time than someone with my challenges could reasonably expect to. I wasn’t accepting the limitations I was experiencing. In fact I was going to out-create them no matter what it took!

In the process of overcoming my past, I discovered an enormous amount, I became conscious and developed into a different person. I became immensely proud of myself and I discovered I have an extraordinary resilience, I am an incredible person with many talents which I am now loving developing to achieve my real aims for being here – being in service to others and helping effect change on the planet one person at a time.

I do not share this information to boast, but to inspire. Here are six things you can do to kick envy for good and become a more fulfilled, happier version of you.

1.Use other’s success as a source of Inspiration

One of the secrets to getting to where I was, was not to look at what others had that I didn’t and to be envious of them, but to look at what they had and think “If they can do that, I can too”. Now, where do I start?

I became quite strategic about emulating the attributes I saw in others that I admired and in so doing have been more able to succeed in my own life. It’s not about copying them as a person, it’s about learning from them and re-creating the strategies that have enabled them to succeed in their field or endeavors.  

2. Ask Conscious Questions and get Curious

When I noticed someone knocking it out of the park, instead of thinking “that’s so unfair they have that and I don’t”, I would think “Omg, that’s so cool, how can I create something that amazing or even better”?

I would ask questions to gain more insight and understanding:

  • How did they do that?
  • Can I replicate that (in my way) with my talents and abilities?
  • If so, how?
  • What do I need to do and how can I make that work for me?
  • What are my limitations – what do I need to change, do or be different, to develop those traits that they are using?

If you admire something in someone else, it’s because you already possess some measure of those attributes yourself. So, you already have more than you realize to work with.

3. Research and Implementation

You may need to do some research to learn how to become the best at something, especially if you haven’t succeeded in that area before. Don’t worry though, because if it were unattainable for you, you most likely wouldn’t be interested in that thing in the first place.

You may need to read about establishing successful habits, how to get the most from your brain or emotions, managing time better, being more accountable or how to excel as a manager or leader. You need to figure out how to implement or incorporate those things into your daily routine or life, so you can achieve the success you desire.

This is where a coach can be incredibly helpful and supportive, giving us feedback and ideas and encouraging us when it gets tough and offering great tools to assist with the implementing especially around dealing with fears and limitations.

4. Be really Happy for others when they Succeed

Because we are all one, someone else’s success, it literally like yours. When anyone has a win and contributes greater to humanity, the collective is raised and we all benefit.

When you can become genuinely happy in your heart for other’s success, you are ready to create and command that level of success in your world.

How you feel about others success is a great indicator of where you are functioning from.

5. Be around others who can Support your Success

All the personal development gurus say it and it’s true. If your tribe are a bunch of unemployed drop kicks and you don’t know anyone who’s killing it, you’re going to struggle to become who you want to be.

It’s not impossible, but most times it will be harder than ever when our people, playgrounds and things, don’t support our aims and maybe even run counter to them by way of bad habits, negative associations and victim or poor thinking.

I have a personal rule of having people in my life doing way better than me who I can look up to (and contribute to – I find a way). There are those at my level who I am friends with and who support me and I them. Then there are those who aren’t yet where I am at who I encourage and lift up, because it makes the world a better place for all of us.

6. Fill your world with inspiring social media and books

It’s much easier to grow if you are surrounded by upliftment, helpful information and conducive energies. If you’ve never thought about it, start to explore who you would like to follow and what works for you.

Here’s some questions to set you on your path…

  • Who do I admire most in the world and what is it about them?
  • What aspects of their success can I replicate in my Universe?
  • How can I get the information I need to start to become as expert as they are?
  • Who can support me to get there?
  • What can I change today/right away that will facilitate me on that journey?
  • What do I believe about myself that I would need to change to become that version of me?

3 Ways You As An Empath Can Empower Yourself Against Narcissists

I receive a lot of questions about narcissism and how/why good people become narcissistically abused. This is one question that is best answered on a soul level.

Empaths are created in chaotic families. Children who have difficult upbringings will frequently become either narcissistic or empathic as a result of their childhood experiences.

I believe it’s soul choices (made before incarnation) that determine a person’s family, their challenges for each life time, who someone is going to be and therefore how they will evolve after such experiences.  

I see a lot of hate being directed at narcs and a lot of victim energy going on around being an empath. This is wholly unhelpful and unnecessary and prevents progress and healing

Narcissists are contributing to change for empaths and for the planet as a whole. They are in effect a wrecking ball for consciousness and change for those whom they affect.

It certainly doesn’t seem that way when someone has had a recent experience of narcissistic abuse and sometimes the severity of such encounters can seem for a time utterly soul destroying as the magnitude and degree of what has occurred is unraveled and understood.

The important thing to know is that after abuse you can become totally healed, wise as a result of your experience and you empowered enough to avoid making the same choices in future.

Here are 3 helpful pieces of advice for the empath to consider:  

1.Start Using Your Empathy as a Superpower Instead of Destroying yourself With it

Start recognizing your capacity to know things about other people. Instead of being crippled by it, study or undergo some coaching to learn how to use this capacity to your advantage.

Empaths by definition possess the ability to know without being told, what is going on emotionally for someone else. They sense when someone else needs something from them and often feel compelled to deliver this, without being asked. This prevents the other person from pain or consequence.

In this process, the empath ignores their own needs and leaves themselves wide open to being manipulated by a narcissist. Usually the empath has had to provide emotionally for upset adults when they were little. Therefore, they will automatically do the same thing to their partners and indeed seek out needy adults, with which to form relationships.

Feeling other people’s pain and problems doesn’t have to be crippling and destructive. Empaths can use what they perceive about others feelings as a source of valuable information which gives them an enormous advantage in life.  When they can see their awareness in this way, they can use it to: Contribute to others where it is most needed, (as a choice) and to communicate with great accuracy and kindness.

For this to happen, empaths need to stop being victims and learn to serve themselves ahead of others.  They can tap into their awareness as a super power, instead of a form of servitude that leaves them last.

Much of our conditioning runs in direct opposition to this and therefore some deep inner reflection and shifting of beliefs is required here.

2. Take full Responsibility

If you are repeatedly hooking up with narcissistic partners, it doesn’t mean there are no good men/women left in the world, it means there is something in you that was broken in your childhood that you are re-creating as an adult.

This isn’t victim shaming. It is inviting you to take responsibility enough that you can begin to change the patterns you may have inside yourself that are destroying you, through other people.

Your narcissistic partners/workmates/family members are gifting you the awareness you need to heal you.

The experiences you may have encountered with narcissistic abuse may have been devastating. The aftermath may feel soul destroying, however it is up to you what you do with that and how you move forward, for the rest of your life. 

You can let it define and destroy you, or, you can let it motivate you to develop understanding, to heal and from that process to develop wisdom and self-awareness.

Many people who make that journey will also end up as healers, because healing the narc/empath dynamic is a life altering, profound experience.

3. Learn About Red Flags and Acknowledge them

One trait all narcissistically abused empaths have is, they rigorously explain away, defend, justify or just ignore red flags raised by other’s behavior.

We often have a gut feeling about someone and where they are functioning from. But we are entrained by society to ‘be reasonable’ and if we can’t identify what feels off, we must continue to give that person the benefit of the doubt.

That is absolutely wrong and is one contributing factor, to empaths getting continually caught up in other people’s trauma and drama.

As a little person in their family of origin, the empath has had to explain away the poor, hurtful and unloving traits of their significant adults. Unaddressed, that trait will result in poor consequences for them as adults. Unfortunately they will justify unacceptable behavior, long after others would have set boundaries and/or left.  

Educate yourself about common red flags and also reflect on which ones occurred in your previous experiences that you didn’t notice. A life coach can help you examine and reflect upon these and help you see your previous patterns and dismantle them.