I frequently see many people on social media touting ‘self love’ as a cure for all sorts of emotional issues.

Self love isn’t a cure for emotional problems. When we do the hard work to remove problems, our frequency raises and this allows us to be filled up with love and to receive it from ourselves, from source and from others. 

For me ‘self-love’ means I hold a space of love for everyone and everything I come in contact with (as much as humanly possible). That way I am bathed in love and I get to feel phenomenal most of the time. 

I also perceive energetically, the highest version of someone – who they are becoming and who they could be and speak straight to that aspect of them, which makes them (and me) feel good. 

I had to do a lot of inner work to get to loving. Here are some of the ways I accomplished this: 

💗 Remove your emotional baggage

Get help to do this if you need to, but as long as you are filled up with pain, conflict, negativity from others or the residue of difficult experiences, you can’t/won’t be able to connect easily with love. 

Science has proven that doing mirror work or affirmations doesn’t work when we are divorced from our inner self through emotional issues. 

💗 Forget ‘Self Love’ – Practice Self-Care and Self-Respect and Self Awareness Instead

Taking amazing care of your body is paramount for doing well in life. Self respect means you have healthy boundaries, a healthy self discipline and respect for others and all of life. 

Have regard for yourself and your talents and abilities, for how you treat others. Nurture these qualities and be proud of them. 

Nail this and pretty soon you can hold a space where love can flow through you and to everyone you know. Then people become drawn to you, as they want what you have and you unconsciously give them permission to be that way too. 

💗 Learn Emotional Mastery

This is key to an amazing life. Otherwise you will struggle and never understand yourself and others.  

Without emotional mastery, things that happen will trip you up and take you off course because you will react to things instead of allowing life, expressing your emotions and managing your responses. 

From that space it is hard to be a match for love and to contribute to others as we get caught up in patterns which limit the emotional states we can attain. 

By emotional mastery, I mean learn to understand where your conditioning begins and ends and what your own authentic responses to things are. You learn to let your body express it’s awareness, whilst choosing your thoughts (and feelings based off your thoughts) in any given situation. 

💗 Be kind to Everyone (including yourself) and surround yourself with amazing people

You can be exceptionally kind and still say no. Honor others, appreciate them in your life and be in allowance of their choices. This is pragmatic loving. Decent people will respect no and honor you back. They will see your value.

When people don’t respond in that way, it isn’t a wrongness of you, it’s an awareness of where they are currently at. That is all. You get to chose whether to include those people in your immediate life.

 💗 Become a master of sensing and amplifying appreciation 

Gratitude is okay but appreciation is awesome! Appreciation is when you adore without expectation, people, places, situations, yourself, your situation, all forms of abundance and your experiences. 

Trip out on all the things that make you happy constantly and you become a beacon for love and all kinds of beautiful experiences and synchronicities. 

💗 Having a sense of purpose that lights you up from the inside and drives you to achieve more 

Once you find your purpose for this life time, that sense of God/Universe/Source energy/love is in everything you do. Again this isn’t ‘self-love’, it is connecting with love, being love and allowing you to grow and become the best version of you. 

Don’t focus on the ‘having’ of your goals, but on who you will become in the process of achieving them. This is real humility and it shows. 

When you want to become the person who achieves something, your attachment to outcome lessens and you become different.


For some people who would love coaching, money is an issue causing them lots of grief in their life. In fact, their money problems alone would be reason enough to engage a coach.

The issue is never money, it is always us and money issues are secondary (symptomatic) of other things that are going on.

Although this can seem frustrating and annoying, the exciting news is, if we can create money problems, we can un-create them. What I am talking about is not to be confused with sound strategies for managing and earning money.

If you are struggling with having money and you don’t know about compound interest, budget or save, then you must learn.  If you don’t know how to engage other people’s money to become wealthy, or how passive income works, read some good books on personal, fiscal responsibility. I recommend Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki as a great place to start.

If you already know how to be good with money but you aren’t, it is likely your mindset that is the problem.  That it is likely, subtly undermining your best efforts at good financial management, ease with money and making enough of it.

Just remember:

“When you have an area of life that seems utterly awful, you have an unrealized genius in this area every single time”. Rose Aitken

You might be struggling now, but what if you have an unrealized genius with money that you’ve never considered? What if by applying some simple tools and making some mindset shifts, you could begin to tap into that? You may need to learn how to be a good manager of money and study how to make your money grow. When you change your mindset, those things will fall into place relatively easily.

When you have a good mindset around money and good monetary habits consistently, over time, you will be successful.

Lack of Money reflects a Lack Mindset

A lack mindset is always the result of having low self esteem and self worth, which often corresponds with hardship, abuse, emotional pain or trauma in our lives.  After that experience, the glass always seems half full.  Then, it doesn’t seem to matter how much people gift us, whether we receive a pay rise or a $40 lotto win, there is just never enough and we are never happy.

We may blame it on not enough money, but the problem is we are not aligned with money, because we are carrying emotional baggage.  We aren’t comfortable in our own skin and don’t possess a sense of inner wealth, self sufficiency and we don’t allow ourselves the things we would most like.

For those who have been abused, receiving can seem incredibly painful and difficult.  This includes having money or allowing life and other people to support us.  There is for good reason. In the past whenever we were trusting, (of the wrong people), we may have received good luck, an opportunity or a windfall.  The trouble was, there was always a beating, isolation, manipulation or put downs, not far behind. We learn to associate good feelings and events with bad outcomes afterwards, so we try to block both, telling ourselves we can do it alone.

If this is you, please don’t worry, it can all change.  You can heal and with good support you can manage to re-open your heart, achieve wonderful things and have a flourishing life that is abundant in all ways. If you are reading this article, I’m going to assume you are now ready for creating and receiving greater for yourself.



Unconditional appreciation, is appreciation that is sincere and heartfelt, it uplifts you and contributes to the monetary cycle and all those who provide you services or whom you interact with in the consumption of services or products.

It isn’t “I’m going to be happy now so the Universe gives me some better shit”. “It’s wow! How lucky am I to have the funds to have/buy this”? How lucky I am to live in a society with so many choices? How amazing that barista is at their job?” How great of that guy to pump my gas in the pouring rain….You get the picture.

By giving your heartfelt thanks, the Universe will give you more to be thankful for. Then that cycle in and through your life of consumption will feel lighter, freer. Abundance will be able to flow to you in a lot more ways as you aren’t blocking it with your attitude.

Be excited about every bit of money that comes your way

It’s hard to be happy about receiving money when we are terrified about where the next lot is coming from, worrying and mentally spending it before it even comes in. We are often so consumed with fear of more lack that we forget to be grateful at all.

Were you excited as a kid when someone gifted you money? What would it take to feel that way now? That’s without going into all your adult trauma, your story, fears and worries about how to survive until next week.

Appreciate the people who do things for you

Show your thanks to each person who does something for you when they are work. Be kind to the forecourt attendant, the cashier at the Supermarket, the waitress or barista (You get the idea).

When you are grateful for them, it makes their day.  You are acknowledging your role and value in the cycle of consuming products and services and valuing the people who dispense those to you also.

The result? The Universe will send you more money with which to touch more people’s day.  You will look forward to and value that interaction so much, that it becomes a contribution to you and them.

That might sound flaky, however if what you’ve been doing isn’t working, I highly recommend giving flaky a go. It’s often the things that we most resist that create the biggest change for us when we try them out for ourselves.

Exercise gratitude for your Bills

What’s your attitude when you open those envelopes, is it terror? denial, resignment, hopelessness? Those emotions are having an effect on your levels of abundance. When you get a bill, be grateful that you live in a property with utilities straight to your door, you have a car worth registering, you can go to the Dr when you don’t feel well…Think of how many people on the planet, (something like 90%) don’t have any of those things.

You can get to the point where you see the purchase of these things as a choice and a direct contribution to the awesomeness and abundance that you create.

For example, your water bill means you have clean drinking water, a hygienic house and a beautiful garden in which to sit and contemplate you wonderful life. The internet company provides you with a means to maintain relationships with your amazing friends overseas. You can apply for new jobs and research your hobbies on YouTube, or sell products through your website.


Put the first 10% of everything you earn away for you and don’t spend it no matter what.

When you do this in a Law of Attraction sense, you attract more money for you and you show the Universe you are willing to have money.

There is a difference between HAVING money and GETTING money. Rich people HAVE money, poor people have to GET money. It’s a subtle but important distinction.

When you pay bills first, that is where your focus goes and you are showing the Universe to bring you more bills. If you put your 10% away first and then pay your bills, you are sending a different message.

After you have put 10% away for long enough without spending it, you eventually accrue enough to no longer worry about expenses or unexpected contingencies. From that space creating more money is a breeze, because you fear of not having enough actually recedes never to be seen again.


For some people this is a difficult concept to grasp. Sometimes our ability to receive becomes impaired, particularly if we’ve been through hard times or experienced hardship for a long time.

For those who have been through abuse, they wall themselves off preventing the in-flow of money, kindness and love.

If receiving is a problem for you, this is where dealing with our internal issues that are blocking our inherent ability to receive lots of abundance is important.

Life naturally wants to support you in your growth and development and it isn’t supposed to feel hard (although I know how tough things can be).

Your natural birth right is a flow of ease, money, abundance and love and if we aren’t aligned with that, it can be changed.

Book your appointment here to discuss how I can help