THREE STRATEGIES FOR UNDERSTANDING AND DISMANTLING ANXIETY

Whatever the intensity level of your anxiety, it can seem overwhelming, when you’re in it and is therefore confusing.  Any way you can gain more information about it will help you. This article, is to assist you to have the information you need to get sorted.

Armed with this information you are better equipped to find the right combination of workable solution(s) for you.

1.ARE YOU ANXIOUS OR ARE YOU HIGHLY AWARE?

Do you always get anxious around certain people or in certain environments?

It may be that your body is trying to let you know those scenarios, individuals or places just aren’t for you. Are there certain ‘friends’ or acquaintances who trigger you? Do certain cafes or businesses always feel toxic or unwelcoming, but you don’t know why?

When I first heard this, something landed for me and there was a little chink in anxiety’s armor for the first time.  When I used to become anxious I’d be very upset. Afterwards, I’d waste emotion crying or being upset. Maybe I’d just had another attack around people I’d wanted to impress, or my hands had shaken, paying for something in a cafe with friends. When I began to consider that I might be aware of something about those people or places that I’d never acknowledged, everything changed for me.

I had always thought I was anxious and therefore I was the problem. However, like me, you might just be highly aware. You might be noticing other people’s thoughts and feelings, unwelcoming or toxic environments and heavy energies in certain areas. You might not be all screwed up like you have probably assumed you must be!

What you perceive as anxiety, can be your body trying to move you to more agreeable situations, better suited to your vibe and level of kindness and caring.

Often people who have been through a lot are more highly connected to their own awareness than others. Therefore, it can be easy to fall into the trap of making yourself wrong. What if you were right and your anxiety could be an asset?

That’s a vastly different point of view, I know…

Try it on for size and see how it feels.

At best you’ll start to see your own awesomeness and have a different sense of how things really are.  That can be key to unlocking everything for you and empowering you to another possibility.

At worst you’ll decide I’m full of it and carry on your search elsewhere.

2. DO YOUR THOUGHTS TRIGGER YOUR FEELINGS AND BODILY SENSATIONS OF ANXIETY? OR DOES YOUR BODY TRIGGER YOUR FEELINGS AND DO YOUR THOUGHTS FOLLOW? 

This information is important, because it shows how far progressed your anxiety is and therefore which type of approaches might be the most helpful.

Scientists and psychologists always used to assume that thoughts created feelings which led to anxious symptoms. Now they understand and acknowledge, when that process has been going on long enough, it actually begins to work the opposite way.

If your trigger is your thoughts, do you know what your primary triggering thoughts are about? Is it what others are thinking of you? (This is one of the biggest perceived ‘threats’ in the digital age). Is it that you’ll say the wrong thing, you don’t feel physically attractive enough, cool enough, or is it just a sensation of panic around too many people? There will be some big clues there about your beliefs and areas to work on.

If your trigger is your body creating symptoms, you may require some body work to undo the physiology, before some of the thought based approaches can be valuable to you. Physiologically, we create such well worn chemical pathways in the body, it can be hard to intervene in this process without giving the body some relief/change.

3. OBSERVE YOURSELF IN ANXIOUS SITUATIONS AS IF YOU WERE AN OUTSIDER

Be glad next time your symptoms arise, because if you can remember this article and what to do, you are about to go a long way to understanding and dismantling your anxiety.

I want you to be the observer in the situation.

Shift your focus from inside the symptoms and being at the effect of whatever is happening and go outside of yourself and observe instead. Notice the sensations and your own reactions to the environment you are in, or to the people you are with. Notice the conversations that are taking place and any contraction you may be experiencing. Witness the specific feelings and thoughts taking place within your body and mind. Don’t react, just observe them as if you were an outsider.

What is it you haven’t been acknowledging that is blatently obvious? What do you push down, ignore and over ride every time this happens? Now there are several things you can do with this information…

You can work with an expert to re-frame this response using this information (so you feel differently in that particular circumstance in future).

Or, you can use the information to become aware of your triggers and choose differently.

SOME STRATEGIES FOR CHANGING ANXIETY

I chose three primary strategies for dealing with my anxiety.

ONE – Regarding it as a valuable source of information and treating it that way instead of making myself wrong. Getting curious about it.

TWO – Having Access Bars to unlock the physiological aspects of what was happening. My anxiety was so well established that my symptoms would trigger and kick off feelings and thoughts. Bars was the ONLY tool I every found that could unlock years of worn anxiety pathways in my physiology. 

Freeing the body is one critical aspect that popular psychological treatments miss. For people very connected to their own awareness, I’ve found this a vital yet misunderstood aspect.

THREE – Supporting my body to be less susceptible to cascades of anxious chemistry by implementing better diet and sleep habits and becoming very fit. That way, if and when I was erring towards anxiety, I would likely be more relaxed.

There are many strategies and combinations of solutions that may help you. It’s often a matter of bravely persisting until you figure it out for yourself.

If you would like to speak to me about a program which can help you deal with your anxiety in a vastly different and empowering way, click to apply for a 30 Minute Complimentary Discovery Session

SIX INSTANCES WHERE YOU SHOULD HIRE A LIFE COACH

1. You are Carrying Unresolved Issues

There are a new breed of life coaches out there that are awesome at helping you safely release trauma and old past issues to get free. The reason why a coach is so effective for doing this rather than a therapist is that coaches also maintain at least a partial focus on going forwards and empowering you with new ways to do this. 

I love guiding people through this process as the moment they realize they can finally be free of their past is often very joyful (although can be painful too). This is valuable to me as your coach, because I get to know you better and when we map out the highest vision for your future, it is vastly different once we have cleared the major issues of the past than what you can conceive still dragging them with you. 

I always offer my clients the tools they would have needed in past difficult situations now, so that they can feel totally safe in the world and equipped to handle any eventuality. It’s an important part of allowing you to become more confident. 

2. Some aspect of Life is tripping you up

You are ‘good to go’ in nearly all respects, but you have that one thing, picking the wrong partners, over eating, not sticking to your workout routine, sabotaging yourself at work, not standing up for yourself, being lousy with money…

The ramifications of that thing, the thought processes and frustration you have around, it is stopping you from going further forward in the areas that are working for you. It undermines your peace of mind and self-confidence.

We create these blocks and barriers to keep us safe, because we aren’t ready to let go of our unresolved issues (see above) or we don’t know a way forward that feels right for us.

When we are READY to let go of the past (which is always when we find our how) we can effectively change the behaviour in a way that LASTS and finally experience more ease in our own skin.

This enables us to be free to focus on our success.

3. You want to re-invent yourself

Much more than a transition, this is more of a throw away the rule book and start over.

Re-invention is so freeing and empowering. Often we wait until life throws us a major curve ball before taking this option, but once we are there, it’s amazing.

It takes courage, total commitment, willingness to go where you’ve never gone before and listening to your soul to forge a totally new path.

4. You are Transitioning into Something Different

I work with people wanting to change careers, get promoted, start a business, embark on a nutrition & exercise program or begin studying or traveling.

There are those who are looking to unleash their master piece, begin a social movement, begin or end a relationship or something else.

This is a prime time for consulting a coach. They know how to help you gain CLARITY and break down your DREAM into manageable ACTION STEPS in a way that give you ease.

They will give you feedback, inspire you to persist, show you how to overcome resistance, fears and doubts, leverage off your strengths, build momentum and SUCCEED.

5. All of your friends seem to be following their own path and you are just lost

A coach will help you tease out your strengths and look at where they intersect with your dreams and help you find a powerful direction to follow.

They will help you find your inspiration to go forwards, find your confidence and try new things.

Once you get in the groove of making your life work for you, there is no looking back.

6. You have no sounding board and you want more out of life

You could really do with some one to help you find your own wisdom and strategize with you, listen to your wins and challenges, offer the benefit of their experience and help you grow.

We may have a family that aren’t good role models or who don’t understand us. We may feel as though we are the round peg in the square hole.

Our friends are all busy with their lives and we don’t want to impose and we can end up going around in circles and feeling like there’s more, but not quite knowing how to access it.

We want that valuable person to support us, help us gain clarity and traction, connect us with resources and help us gain momentum

TEN STEPS TO MANIFEST A HEALTHY, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP

I’m often asked:

“Rose, I’ve had challenging or miserable relationships in the past”. “It has been a while and I’m ready to start putting myself out there again”. “How do I prepare”?

These are my go to steps for getting back out there in a healthy way and having ease with manifesting Mr or Mrs Right:

1. Are you a Good Catch? 

Are you a good choice for the type of person you want to meet? Have you worked on yourself since your last relationship? Or, are you confusing relationship for the local rescue helicopter?

Have you decided that this significant other is going to rescue you from your life? Perhaps you are looking to avoid your rubbish finances, sense of loneliness, lack of meaningful company or friendships, or, that you just want a secure home and to stop moving from flat to flat. 

Maybe you’ve decided your career sucks and focusing on a wealthy partner and having babies would give you a purpose, or you just want the ring and the carriage so you feel secure. If so, you are about to lasso an innocent soul with a job that isn’t theirs…

2. Reality Check

Maybe you want to be loved, have more fun, some companionship or to feel fulfilled and you are looking for a relationship to ‘provide’ you with this. 

If so, you need to stop and ask how you can love yourself more, be more fun, provide yourself with better company, contribute more to others or find an occupation, purpose or job that suits you better.

Until we are willing to meet our own needs fully, we are going to attract a partner who is similarly needy and any relationship is going to reinforce that and provide you with another opportunity to learn these lessons.

This can be a great time to embark on some personal development, find a great coach, therapist or facilitator. Not only will you enjoy being you way more, you are going to generate greater in every aspect of your life and have productive and positive relationship experiences as a result of doing your own work first.

3. Ready, steady…Stop

So you are ready. Now it’s list time.

Take some time, relax and list down all the qualities you would like your ideal partner to possess. This should encompass the big stuff, not trivialities like hair and eye color (unless that’s a deal breaker for you).

Be sure to list attributes, attitudes and the temperament you desire them to have. If you feel drawn to do so, maybe state your list of qualities first and physical preferences in a secondary list.

Be really specific. Once you start using manifesting techniques to attract what you want, you will find that what shows up, matches exactly the things you ask for, so it pays to iron out the details.

I once had a student tell me she asked for an angel and ended up dating a Hell’s Angel, LOL. Life has an epic sense of humor, so use this process to be specific and clear. For example, “I’d like someone who is fun loving, successful, who blends in and is as kind as an angel”.

4. Reality Check (The last one, I promise)

What are the things on the list YOU need to provide YOURSELF with?

If you want them to be fun, where do you need to be more fun? If you want them to be caring and loving, where do you need to more loving and caring towards yourself?

Embodying any of the characteristics from your list that you feel you are lacking (in your way), means that you are not coming from a place of neediness with requiring them in a partner.

Instead, you will be an energetic match for someone with those qualities who also values them.

5. Ask for what you Want

Start asking daily, for life to support you in becoming the ideal partner for the person you have described.

Place the list somewhere prominent, so it starts to visually go into your subconscious.

We will start to seek these things out, instead of being unconsciously drawn to someone who matches our old programming and life experiences.

6. Become the Best Version of You – Get Happy

Do your inner work, let go of past experiences and focus on becoming someone with as high a vibration as possible. 

The greater your happiness levels, the more we are a match for positive experiences and other happy people.

7. Letting Go

Dating will likely push our buttons and will bring up old thoughts and patterns that feel uncomfortable. 

Rather than freaking out and seeing this as a negative, acknowledge it as something you are doing right, as old patterns have to come up first to be released. You can be very proud of yourself for moving forward.

Let go of any old war stories from past relationships. Often the stories we tell keep us locked into old energy and ways of thinking about life. 

It can be helpful to consult an expert who can help us stay on track and release what no longer serves us, while building our confidence and other skills.

Used constructively, former relationships can become a source of growth, empowerment, understanding, compassion and refining what we do and don’t want. This can lead us to make better choices, aligned with where we want to be.

8. Become of Service to Others

There is NOTHING that puts others off faster and is more exhausting then someone evaluating every single person of the opposite gender as a potential mate. (It will also effectively stop the Universe yielding to you what you want).

Get to know people and see their inherent value as a soul in a body, having a human experience. Ask what you can contribute to everyone you meet and life will start to delight and reward you amply.

Instead of trying to control how others see you, be too busy enjoying yourself to care. This is the most attractive quality there is.

9. Develop your Intuition – Trust Yourself

This is a tricky one for many, particularly when past relationships haven’t worked out so well.

Start to develop your intuition by asking questions of yourself and observing your date’s behavior and your behavior in relation to theirs. Instead of worrying if that person you met likes you, wonder if you like them.

Where do you give your power away? Where do you not trust yourself? Where do you feel vulnerable or unsure of yourself? What are you willing or unwilling to compromise on? 

Where must you be in allowance of someone else and what is a deal breaker for you? Where are your strengths and where are your expectations rigid or unreasonable?

10. It never shows up the way you think it will

When we start to align with what we desire from a heartfelt place, we are often delighted as our dreams start to appear as if out of nowhere. 

Let go of your rules, expectations, projections, fears and obligations and be open to life. 

Relationship is not necessarily about having one person for all eternity, but about walking hand in hand with someone for a while so you can both grow. 

If you are dating from a healthy space of freedom, allowance and growth, who you will become regardless of Mr/Mrs Right, will surpass all your expectations.